Is it me

[Elliej]

Ok... So me n my bf have been together for 2.5years....

In the start sex was normal, but after maybe a month or so we started having these issues... He couldn't keep an erection probably 70% of the time... This lasted a year I think n then we just started to have sex less (twice a week?) and it very slowly got better...

But in the meantime I took it as me being the problem... He said he never had this prob before.. N been with plenty of other women...
I tried to act like I didn't care n it was all ok, ignore it.. I tried to talk about it, we asked a dr, (told that time n patience was required in a new relationship )... My bf blamed some prescription drugs he took once upon a time... But I can't help but think it was me.. After 18months when it started to get bad again, I asked if something was up... He said normally the porn we had on, toys we were playing with n what I was wearing should have him gagging for it but he felt nothing... I said it was about time we accept he is not attracted to me it had to be that... He said no but it wasn't very convincing... Then he said he's old enough to realize there is more important things then sex in a relationship... Sometimes I'd try start something and he would say no so I don't anymore... I took all this very very personal and it'd ruined my self esteem.
I tried sending him naughty msgs n pics during the day which he just reply with "" or something... He was so not interested...
Yet I know with x gf he had no problems with naughty texting n graphic photos! It must be me??

So then a few months later coming up to 2 years together I'm at the point where I just don't know what to do, I felt so unattractive n unwanted.. I try telling him but he tells me I'm being stupid.
I try massages n new things but nothing... He even jokes about asking about when I last played with myself or watched porn bc he knows I'm in need ! But he doesn't act or try ??!
So about 2 year mark, he says we should have a baby (woah!) so all of a sudden it's sex sex sex... It's great... N no erection problems n back to sex at least 3times a week... Yay!!
Then I fall preg...

I'm 5months n it's back to non existent sex... Ok once a week or fortnight... I've asked.. He says he's tired or past his use by.. But he will wake up turn tv on.. Stay up till late watching tv... It's all he wants to do!! Driving me insane !!! So I feel soooo unwanted n unattractive again it's really making me :-(

He's still got interest in the subject as he acts like a 14yo boy the second boobs are on tv or anywhere with a semi naked chick he's like another person... He will look at nude models online n comment n get all excited but that's it
So again... It must be me?

He does love me.. But if he is so uninterested in me sexually... Is it just a matter of time before this turns into a bigger problem or he strays elsewhere for it???

:-(

[steviej]

How old are you both? Why his sudden desire to have a kid? I hope for your sake its not just an immature fad of his.

[Elliej]

I'm 29 he is 34

[LdFilip]

i hope the baby wasnt the last effort cos he felt that hes really loosing you...

....and i personaly think that its not your fault...somethings wrong with him...cos usually for men to be excited is enough just a presence of partner...and im not even talking about something further...

[bulrush]

I have this same problem, so my advice comes direct from my doctor.

1. It's not you. So stop obsessing. Just stop it.
2. How old is he and how old are you? My answers make a big difference.
3. Does he have high blood pressure? Is he on meds for it? This can indicate a stiffening of the arteries and valves in the penis and can cause Erectile Dysfunction. Issues like this happen no matter how healthy you are, and they often start in the late 30s or early 40s.
4. How often does he think about sex? This is a good indicator of testosterone levels. A simple blood test can check this. If he THINKS about sex a lot, but does not have erections, this means T levels are fine, but the problem might be the valves in the penis. Viagra and Cialis can help here.
5. Does he have night erections or wet dreams? How often per week?
6. If testosterone levels are fine, meds like viagra and cialis work great.
7. Have you gained weight since you started dating? What is your height and weight now? Let's be honest. Most guys are not attracted to heavy chicks. OTOH, some guys really like a big booty, or "bubble butt".

[alwaystryin]

Is there any possibility he has cheated on you? Kind of odd that everything was fine, then it wasn't, then all of a sudden he functions perfectly because he wants a baby? Could that have been because he was feeling guilty? Is he the type that would "keep you" at home while fulfilling his needs elsewhere?

[Elliej]

Possibly ??
I don't think he has.... But I'm not naive enough to say it's not possible.. My gut says that he hasn't to be truthful but to be very honest I had wondered if he had considered it or been thinking about it ?!?

N to other questions.. Pre-preg weight was 60kg n 167cm tall... Not fat, not skinny... Not ugly, not a stunner.. Just average..

[bulrush]

60kg/132 lbs, 167cm/5.5 ft. You are certainly slim and trim. It's not your body that's the problem.

Has he tried Viagra/Cialis/Levitra? Just to see if that helps? It helps in the case of high blood pressure, which is an indicator of the stiffening of the arteries, including the ones in the penis. High blood pressure = pee pee no worky.

Maybe he watches too much porn? Cut off all porn for 4 weeks, see what happens.

[bcgirl]

Maybe he should go to a doctor and get a proper diagnostic to his condition. As a woman, I would feel very hurt if my husband didn't seem attracted to me. Guys are supposed to love sex and especially for a guy his age. He shows signs of liking sex like commenting on other women's boobs on tv! Does he ever comment on your looks? Does he ever tell you how sexy you look? Does he choose watching porn to having sex with you? The fact that he was able to be erect while the baby making stage proves that he is able to use his dick normally (unless he was using viagra or something). He may say that he doesn't need sex....but c'mon....that is not what normal guys say when they are in committed relationships with a woman they love and are attracted to! My husband is in his 30's as well and he gets an instant boner if i sit on his lap. I wonder if he watches too much porn and that gives a false depiction of what sex and women are like. Porn is so out of tune with reality that perhaps when he has regular sex with an average looking woman...he is not aroused? Perhaps he has sexual desires that he is too embarrassed to mention? I knew a guy who only was into getting beat up and tortured by a girl when having sex....if it was normal sex, he wasn't able to be aroused.

[vashti]

[url]http://ezinearticles.com/?Porn-Makes-Men-Impotent&id=2036795[/url]

Porn can make your man impotent. Tell him to turn off the computer for a month or two.

[Elliej]

He never says anything to me in person in regards to compliments.. but he will msg me each day to say good morning beautiful or something like that... I told him on the weekend I was stressing about motherhood and that ive never felt so fat and ugly, he laughed and told me not to be stupid and thats what happens when you are preg, just and be happy and that he is sure ill loose the weight after the baby is born.

He doesnt watch porn much anymore... he used to chat to women online in like flirting and dating applications and admitted he wouldnt tell them he had a gf because they wouldnt talk to him then... I was heart broken and said it was a complete sign of disrespect to me and that he couldnt be too happy with me if he felt he had to flirt with other women to feel good.. but he thought i was being pathetic and jealous. However this used to be 3-4 nights week, its only on the very blue moon if im not at home with him which is not very often, im not sure he even uses them anymore...

I agree with bc girl, i feel exactly like that, come on you're 34 !! what 34yo man doesnt want regular sex !! and since he still gets excited like a teenager when a nude women comes on tv or a pair of boobs... its not like he doesnt show interest... and thats why i feel like it must be him not attracted to me ?

However I might suggest if it doesnt improve that he try viagra or something similar ??

[Elliej]

oh and all the baby making sex was unaided... his pee pee worked fine then !!! it just seems like he doesnt want sex anymore ? he says he is too tired.

[alwaystryin]

I see 2 possibilities.

1. He's addicted to porn.
2. He's cheating on you.

He doesn't seem to have a medical problem if he can decide whether he will or will not have sex. Further, no healthy 34 year old man that gets excited by seeing boobs would say he's realized there's more important things to a relationship than sex. Bull. I've considered he may not feel okay about having sex with you while you are pregnant (some men are like that) but since you had the same problem prior to being pregnant that wouldn't make sense.

How did your relationship begin? Was is a fast start and you guys moved in together and played house quickly? Has he ever spoken of marriage prior to getting you pregnant? Sounds like he has already strayed. Is he insensitive towards you when you speak of other issues? Telling you you're being stupid and making fun of a situation that he knows bothers you by asking when the last time you played with yourself sounds terribly insensitive on his part. Have either of you discussed having children before he seemingly woke up one day and declared he wanted one? It seems there is more going on that what you are aware of.

[vashti]

It's possible he simply doesn't have much of a sex drive. it DOES happen, you know.

[alwaystryin]

LOL i know, but is that something that one can typically turn on and off at their whim?