Reassurance Needed Please

[misstgrl]

A couple of weeks ago my boyfriend expressed to me that he feels uneasy about my guy friend (the only person i know in this new town), because they have not meet, my boyfriend said that he cant trust that my friend won't try anything. Long story short; about 2 nights ago my guy friend tells me he likes me as more than a friend. So I'm planning on telling my boyfriend that he was right, and I will tell my friend that we shouldn't hang out or chat anymore. Atm i'm feeling gutted that i'm about to loose my only friend in this city. Would it be ok to tell them both that its ok for my friend to get in touch once he gets over this "attraction"? Also, I kind of already had a feeling that my friend felt this way, do I tell my boyfriend this? I really don't know how to talk about this stuff or how to even bring it up, it just makes me really nervous. So am I doing the right thing here? I thought it would be best to get everything out in the open, I just need some reassurance or any kind of comments would be helpful. Thanks heaps.

[MerryH]

Would it be ok to tell them both that its ok for my friend to get in touch once he gets over this "attraction"?

Not really. Your boyfriend's probably never going to believe that the other guy isn't going to try something. And you should assume that he'll develop feelings again if you're friends.

Also, I kind of already had a feeling that my friend felt this way, do I tell my boyfriend this?

Don't lie about it if he asks, but I wouldn't volunteer this information.

[smackie9]

Tip: guys are friends with girls in hopes that they will date them someday. When you make a guy friend ( not sure if you told this dude) you have to stipulate that you are only friends and that will never go any further than that. It's tough I know, but I have been in your shoes myself. People will come and go out of your life.

Explain everything to your friend first, say your goodbyes, and suggest maybe someday you will chat again, and parting ways would be best because of the situation. Then just tell your BF he was right and reassure him that you have ended your relationship with your friend. It's a sad reality a lot of us girls have to face. Hang in there, your BF and you should be making new friends with other couples and start a new chapter in your life.

[searock]

Tip: guys are friends with girls in hopes that they will date them someday.

It's not always like this, at least in my experience. I've always had lots of guy friends and most of them are clearly NOT interested in dating me (although some are). Guy-girl friendship does exist : ).

OP, if you aren't huge friends with this guy friend of yours, then you might as well break contact with him and stop seeing him, if it makes your boyfriend uneasy. If you have good communication with your bf, you can tell him that you had a feeling this guy was attracted to you even before he told you... don't feel like you are bound to tell him, though. Actually nothing really matters, if your bf was ok with it you might even continue to hang out with this guy, as long as you are not attracted to him.

[smackie9]

don't kid yourself....some may not want to pursue a relationship but I bet if sex was ever offered they would take it.

[oldskool83]

all my female friends have always fallen for me or started to. why did i hang with them because i wanted female company and had thoughts of if i could date them. years later its the same deal. peace the guy, keep your bf and find female friends in the new town.

[bulrush]

Would it be ok to tell them both that its ok for my friend to get in touch once he gets over this "attraction"?

No. He probably won't get over his attraction for you. Ever. His brain is probably locked in "I want to date this cute girl" mode.

Also, I kind of already had a feeling that my friend felt this way, do I tell my boyfriend this?

Do not volunteer this info, but if your bf asks, tell him honestly. Admit you were wrong.

[searock]

don't kid yourself....some may not want to pursue a relationship but I bet if sex was ever offered they would take it.

Some of them would, but I'm pretty sure others wouldn't. In either case, the remote possibility of me ever "offering sex" to them is definitely NOT the reason for them to be friends with me.

[smackie9]

No but guys are naturally attracted to you physically...and like looking at you. If you were grossly over weight and horribly ugly they wouldn't be your friend.

[Mathias]

all my female friends have always fallen for me or started to.

cool story bro

[searock]

No but guys are naturally attracted to you physically...and like looking at you. If you were grossly over weight and horribly ugly they wouldn't be your friend.

I'm not sure I agree, but in either case I don't think this implies that my guy friends are my friends just "in hopes that I will date (or have sex with) them someday".

I know that at least two of my closest guy friends are not attracted to me, they've explicitly told me so and I know it's true because (a) I see the way they look at me and it's NOT in a "lusting" way, not in the least; (b) I know what their physical "type" of girl is, and I'm far from it. I'm not horribly ugly/overweight but this doesn't mean that every guy is naturally attracted to me, or that those who aren't can't choose to be my friends..!

Also, one of my close guy friends is also a close friend of another female friend of mine, and I know for sure that he isn't attracted to her at all.

I do agree, though, that it's very difficult to be friends with a guy (or girl if you're into girls) whom you are attracted to. It almost always ends up in big trouble. Which is why I don't think that it's much of a problem if the OP keeps hanging out with her friend, as long as she isn't attracted to him (and if both her and her friend accept that her friend will suffer). But if it still bothers her bf, then so be it.

[bcgirl]

usually with a guy/girl friendship....one will start liking another more than just friends. It's just how it is especially if you're both attractive. What you should do is end the friendship and tell your boyfriend what happened. Tell your boyfriend you aren't going to be his friend anymore.
I learned the hard way.....in highschool i had tons of guy friends and it ALL turned out that they were attracted to me. They do not want to be just friends if there is no hope to be more than that. Unless you are unattractive and a tomboy or have known someone since you were babies....that's the exception of when a guy would want to befriend a girl. If you choose to remain friends with this even after the fact, it will cause the friendship to be awkward and your boyfriend will cause constant jealousy from your boyfriend.

[searock]

I am average-looking and some guys are attracted to me and others aren't! It works the same for me with guys, I think it's the same for every human being, we are not all attracted to the same type of person. I mean I could find a guy attractive, a female friend of mine could find the same guy not attractive. But in general, friendship between a guy and a girl does not necessarily begin with attraction. I am 100% sure that some of my guy friends do not find me attractive (while some do) - yet they are still my friends. :|

[bcgirl]

The only guy friends I have are those of my husbands. They are only my friend due to my husband and would never ever pursue anything further with me for obvious reasons. All other ex-male friends have had a crush on me. And if i were to offer them sex or friendship, they would have taken sex in a heartbeat. It sucks knowing this, but I also know and have been told that i am very attractive. I've been voted "most attractive" in my highschool yearbook.....so now that i'm older and wiser, I understand how a guy would not want to get down my pants. It would be like the equivalent of me hanging out with Ryan Gosling as friends and not having a crush on him. Attractive + funny + great to hang out with = potential future mate
unattractive + funny + great to hang out with = friends

[searock]

Yeah, I agree - keeping in mind that attractiveness is a very subjective thing. As I said in one of my previous post, problems (or relationships in happy cases : )) arise when you are friends with someone you are attracted to. I personally don't mind being friends with guys who are attracted to me (nor does my bf), as long as they don't get obsessed over me (I've had to break contacts with a guy because of this) or something equally distressing.