How to handle this emotionally?

[centrino]

I had this colleague of mine, whom I became real close to over the past few months. It started with casual texting and then friendship. At first I liked him, then I came to know that he has a drinking and drug problem. Then I came to know he had many girlfriends before (in our religious and cultural background, all this is considered real bad). Also he told me that he had a girl whom he actually loved but she betrayed her but he still loves her. The way he talked about this issue it seemed that he had broken all ties with her. He seemed depressed. I have this idiotic compassionate nature, which made me feel sorry for him. He wanted to date, and later I came to know (rather experienced) that all he wants is physical intimacy. I tried to break off at least 3 times but every time he somehow made me think otherwise. There were a few incidences where he was actually very hurtful toward me but later he apologized and I forgave. The last close contact I had with him was at his house. He invited me when his parents were not home. I had once told him that I would like to taste alcohol and see how it tasted. (alcohol is considered really bad in our setup, and I never had access to it before). So he said he's got a bottle and to taste it I'll have to come to his house. (most other dates we had were rides in his car). So I went to his place, got slightly drunk, and we had that physical intimacy that I would never had done (it still didn't include actual intercourse, though) otherwise. I still resisted to many of his actions. While I was there the topic of marriage came up and I asked why don't you get married? If you have so many physical needs, the best way to fulfill them is legally through the bond of marriage. He said yes I will get married one day and I will only marry that girl (the girl who betrayed him), n I'm just buying some time. This made me sick! Like if he was still comitted to that girl, why was he passing time with me? Wasn't it betrayal on his part as well? Wasn't he now betraying that girl by passing time with temporary girlfriends? Ok, granted it was kind of understood from beginning, that we weren't supposed to get married. Infact, the kind of weak moral principles he had, I woud never chose him as a husband, or have him as the father of my children. Yes I was also kinda passing time with him but that was when I thought he had completely broken up with that girl and doesn't plan to go back or marry her. Now that he confessed that he would still marry her in future, I felt offended, he was actually cheating on her? Wasn't he? He accused her of betrayal and here he was doing the same. I really got disconnected after this. I wouldn't even want to pass time with such a man who has no morals and values. So I broke off contact, but being my colleague I had to see him everyday. I tried to act normal, which gave him the wrong impression that I'm still into him. He asked for another date' (in his dictionary, dates mean French kissing & petting and HJ in his car) but I said no, he tried to convince me with his sweet words but I still stood firm. I clearly told him that all this stuff is strongly against my principles but I have still being doing it for him, but now I do not want to do it anymore. Otherwise I keep my attitude normal toward him. And then that day he told me that his girl had graduated from college and he seemed quite happy. So they were still in contact! Where did I stand in this situation? A proxy to be used for some fun. For some time pass? I now feel used, humiliated and frustrated. I don't understand my feelings. I knew we weren't gonna Mary, I knew if he asked me to marry I'd probably say no, cause our goals and values are totally opposite. For him breaking the rules is the right thing, have multiple affairs, drinking, drugs, fulfilling his NEEDS (like animals do) by any means. I do confess I was actually fascinated by his bad boy personality for sometime, but practically I would never chose such a person as my life partner. so I understand all the bad points but why now do I feel so empty when I think of him and his girl, the love they share? Am I jealous? Do I still like him? Do I feel cheated? I dont know what it is? I'm so pre occupied with this issue, it's effecting my life. I can't understand myself emotionally. What is it that is bugging me? He is good looking, has a funny personality! But morally he is just too low. Moral character is something I value the most in a person. Then why do I feel confused and sad? I don't know how to move on. I want to hate him so that I feel no pain. Please help. The worst part is that I have to see him everyday at work .

PS: neither of us is a teenager, we are grown up adults.
I believe in complete chastity before marriage but I some how fell into his charming trap and I truly regret it.

[valmont]

if you didn't have sex...you didn't have sex.
everyone is entitled to have a little fun...you didn't break any rules..

it's normal to feel empty and confused...a million things running through your mind...when somebody you have feelings for is with someone else..
give it a bit of time...
good luck hun