Why do @ssholes find love?

[LibertyBell]

I have been in love twice my whole life. The first time I had a huge crush on this chick for over a year and eventually a brief relationship started. But that didn't last because the girl I dated was only using me to make her ex jealous. That ended quickly. She eventually got into a long term relationship and then got married. In the meantime, I had trouble moving on until I met girl number 2.

We had a really intense relationship and she was the closest thing I ever had to a girlfriend. Unfortunately, she was very controlling and had jealousy issues. After a few months, she said she wanted to no longer see me. I got wasted with some friends because I was really sad and I blacked out. The next day, my friend said I drunkenly made out with some other girl at the bar. I was honest with her about it even though I didn't remember doing it. In retaliation she tried to force my closest friend to have sex with her. She lied to my face about it and I didn't find out about it until 3 weeks later. I cut all ties with her. After a few months, I forgave her and tried to rekindle some kind of friendship.

Things were going really well between us and she said if I ever needed a good reference for applying to jobs she would be glad to help (she was also my coach). I thought I could trust her. I later asked her if she could write me a letter of recommendation, and she said she would write me a great one. Well, it turned out she wrote me a shitty one. I only found out because the recruiters helping me put together an application packet for this program I was applying to, read it, and asked me about it.

It's been 6 months since the letter of rec fiasco and I'm still extremely bitter and angry about it. It doesn't help that she ****ed with my feelings, lied to my face, and broke my heart. And what's worse is that she is in a relationship with someone else and is extremely happy. Meanwhile, I haven't found anyone. It sucks being alone and stuck with all these angry feelings. I go out, I party, and I have a job. And I never find someone. I get jealous of all my friends because they all have steady relationships and it seemed so easy for them to find someone they love. Like their soulmate was just conveniently dumped in their lap. For me, Im always constantly searching and getting my heart broken in the process. I keep telling myself there is a silver lining, but it fades each time when I'm reminded of the two assholes who ****ed with my feelings, but still managed to find someone to make them happy. People always tell me karma is a bitch and those two will pay. However, I feel like I'm the one who is paying while those two are extremely happy.

Anyone here who can offer words of wisdom?

[Love'sReject]

"Optimism is the refuge of the cowardly"-says I (and damn if anybody takes it)

Sometimes, I wish the world were governed by the deities the ancient Greeks worshipped; simple sacrificial offerings and/or rituals for penitence easily gain favor of the gods (especially the love gods in our cases).

But no; as far as I know, there is no such arbitrary governing force.

What this means simply, is that justice is just a hope. A$$holes win because virtue is boring, plus the Nightingale Effect; women looooooove overly flawed, jackass men because they believe it is in their power to nurture them and change them.

[HeartIsAching]

^^^Pay no attention to the 'holster behind the curtain.

[bulrush]

Young women especially, like flawed men, because they are "fixer uppers", men they think they can fix. This gives the women a sense of accomplishment, perhaps because they have failed to fix their own life. Women who like "bad boys" are bad news, stay away from them. In general, they will not result in a happy long-term relationship.

Try taking a risk and asking out someone you normally would not. You have to date 10 people before you find one that is pretty compatible with you. Keep that in mind, so you will fail many times before you find that special one.

[Love'sReject]

Women who like "bad boys" are bad news, stay away from them.

In other words, the OP and I being two birds of a feather: it's them or nothing at all.

[smackie9]

If you want to find someone, you have to stop being so bitter about the past. You have baggage that can easily be dumped if you just learn to let it go. Try doing positive things in your life, like taking up a new interest, read some good books, work out, take care of your health and mental health. If you become more positive, up beat and act like nothing with hold you down....you will attract someone positive.

I guess what had happened was that you got blinded by emotions and the desire to be in a relationship that you never saw the small signs of how much trouble these girls were. You gave too much of yourself way too soon. Next girl you meet, take your time to get to know them, and let your feelings for them grow over time.

[lovestinks82]

You gave too much of yourself way too soon. Next girl you meet, take your time to get to know them, and let your feelings for them grow over time.

Change the word girl to guy and this is the best piece of advice anyone could have ever thrown my way. I get way too invested way too soon and wonder why nothing ever happens for me. Thanks for the awesome post.