She's cheating with me. I love her.

[brillopad]

I originally met this girl 3 years ago. I was interested in her, from the moment I saw her, and she had a boyfriend, but she was drawn to me, and I was drawn to her.

Over the years we became very close, emotionally and physically, we never had sex or kissed mouth to mouth, but we have explored and massaged etc etc.

I do really love this girl - who has a boyfriend, and she told me she loves me, and made it clear that she gets affection from me she couldn't get from her boyfriend.

Her boyfriend is a good guy, but, I am 18 years his senior, and her senior, I'm 41, she's 23... so my maturity makes me very good at connecting with her, and thats my plus.

But, I am trapped in a bit of a tough spot.

For some reason, call it bad luck, or my social life, I'm just not meeting the girls I want to be with. It makes it harder because I've realized I much prefer dating a younger woman, not based on physicality, I like the fact that this girl keeps me young and progressive, plus, I don't want kids in my 40s, so basically, the point is, my love life is not happening... and that doesn't help.

I do love her.
We share friends. It's a very tight social circle.
She recently got back from 3 months in Europe, and has a renewed vigor for her relationship.

How can I remain close to a girl who has given me so much happiness, remains in my circle of friends, that include her boyfriend... does her shaky relationship mean I should stay close in case we have an opportunity.

Please can people give their opinions? It would be very much appreciated.

*I know cheating is a very dirty word, but there was no way I could have not gotten in this spot. It was a 2 way love.

[sav]

maybe she does like you but doesnt want a relationship,, why is she not leaving her current partner does she have kids ? is she married /fiance>?

[Wakeup]

*lauging here*... and yet ANOTHER person afraid of commitment so they are waiting on the sidelines for a someone that plays them like a fiddle. The good news is you don't have to be all angsty since she'll never commit to you.

Sorry to be blunt, Oposter but your old enough to know better.

I know you're no where near being strong enough to dump her yet however; you'd be far happier in the long run if you gathered together that confidence and self respect and left this girl who uses you as her emotional tampon and personal massage therapist. She has no intentions of leaving her main man... (so she's safe to you, I suppose).

[samwinchesterl]

dude...you seems to play a game. It will not be a win-win game.

[bcgirl]

If she happens to leave her boyfriend for you..... how will you know she won't cheat on you with the next hunky, young stud that wants a back massage? When you get serious to the point of wanting to marry this girl, this will be an issue that will always pop into your head. If she is willing to cheat on her boyfriend whom she supposedly "loves", how would I know she won't ever cheat on me?

[bulrush]

If she will cheat on her bf, she will cheat on you. That's just how that personality type works. Love involves trust, so how can you trust and love someone who will cheat?

Sorry to be blunt, Oposter but your old enough to know better.

Wakeup, that's funny. You are assuming most Americans are smart and make good decisions. That's a bet you just can't win. lol. Why do you think we have this forum? Because people make decisions based on emotions and nothing else, and people get hurt that way.

Yes I made some bad decisions in my younger days, but I learned from my mistakes.

[oldskool83]

You need to let that girl alone...a big WTF comes to my mind.