She is in love, but she did not fell in love

[ayema]

Hi,

now this is a unique problem i am facing.

I met a girl and we connected immediately. we have been good friends since then. its been a almost a year.
now the girl likes me a lot and dosent want to loose me.

but however she dosent want to be in a relationship because for her there was no feeling of falling in love (butterflies in stomatch etc..) she wants to first fall in love and then love the person.

what do i do in this case? is there any way to make her understand that in the end she is in love!!

regards

[smackie9]

She has you in the friends zone....she has a very emotional attachment to you but isn't sexually attracted to you. The thought of being without the emotional attachment she has with you would be to much for her to bare, so she will hum and haw about having a relationship to keep you around. You cannot force someone to fall in love nor can you encourage it...it happens on it's own. Just because you have a strong emotional attachment doesn't mean you are destined to be together either. You being in love with her puts you way too far out in front, and will make things awkward. It's time for you to stop pushing and cool your heels for awhile....the more you bring this up with her the more you come off as needy and desperate.....that is a huge turn off. Then she will start to resent you and push you away and find some other lackey to give her free, non-obligated attention. Play it kool, distance yourself a little and give her some space.....remember distance makes the heart grow fonder.

[smackie9]

IMO if she really wanted you, she would have told you by now....personally if nothing has happened after a year, nothing ever will.

[ayema]

thanks for the reply smackie...

well i agree with you..thats why i asked her to stop seeing me....so that she gets over me and finds someone else..but then she was sad and depressed!!

and there is more to the story...she said that she fell in love with me at some point in the last year...but the feeling is now not there!!
well there was for some reason lot of stress between us...could that be the reason??
i think i am a little shy to show my feelings...is that a turn off!!

and is it so impossible to to romantically love someone when there is such a strong emotional attachment??

[smackie9]

Sorry but that's the way us girlies are. I have been in her shoes many times. I had a lot of guy friends, but I treated them like a buddy, but it didn't matter, they still wanted to date me. I was very fond of them, some I did give a shot at dating but I realized that it was just a strong emotional attachment, and not sexual feelings I had towards them. But when they are so caught up in their own feelings for you, they can't or refuse to accept the fact you don't want them.


Being a shy guy has it's disadvantages....girls are attracted to bold, confident guys. Confidently and cool is what I mean, a guy that will take the lead. Showing that you are in love with them before even being in a romantic relationship is a sign of weakness, neediness, even creepiness...a big turn off. Also one other mistake guys like you make is that you make yourself TOO available to them. You are at their beck and call, answer ever text, be there for them, etc. You are digging yourself a deep hole. By doing that you become less of a challenge to them....another turn off.


The right thing to do now is cut her off. And maybe respond once in awhile, but be distant..that may increase your chances with her....but being at this stage of the game, it might be too late because she has known you as this guy that is too easy to get attention from.


Tip: never get yourself caught up this type of situation again. If you like a girl don't be close friends with her....ask her out with confidence instead. Your chances of finding a GF that way are way higher.

[bcgirl]

yes it's tough....but the whole falling in love process is what differentiates someone being madly in love with you and someone just loving you.

[bulrush]

"Being in love" and "loving someone"? So "loving someone" could mean you love them like a friend? And "being in love" has more to it?

[ayema]

well as an update...
last month we went on a weekend trip and we were holding hands and walking throughout the city..she says she liked that a lot..
its only sex she has a problem with and that she dosent want to make things known to friends!!

[smackie9]

well as an update...
last month we went on a weekend trip and we were holding hands and walking throughout the city..she says she liked that a lot..
its only sex she has a problem with and that she dosent want to make things known to friends!!

Communication is your best bet.......you need to put your thoughts on this out there to her instead of here.