Your first love ? Advice needed

[prettiwings]

To the audience of Love Forums does a person ever get over there first love? I was 19 when I met my first love(now 24) we dated for a few months of total passion I never felt the way I did with this guy and my connection with him was definititly spiritual.In the end he mistreated me and it left me crushed. Its been over 4 years now and Ive matured in my opinion into a great woman but still feel bouts of sadness when I think of this guy ? as well as dreams that occur with him in them all these feelings I seem to not be able to control? But my pride tells me to think wisely Why havent I let go ?why the dreams? Is this normal?

[Sonrisa]

of course it is normal to dream of anyone you ever met in life. my question to you is why do you feel anything towards him if he has mistreated you?

[prettiwings]

of course it is normal to dream of anyone you ever met in life. my question to you is why do you feel anything towards him if he has mistreated you?

Thanks for the advice I do think that your question is slightly returical If there were no people still obtaining feelings after a partners misdeed or wrong actions then relationships and marriages woudnt exist I suppose. So as far as our relationship I have forgaven his behavior.The advice im looking for is I no that It is normal to dream and reminince over a lost love but is it normal for me to still obtian these strong feelings after such a prolonged period of time? (going on 5 years in March)as well as I have experienced both satisfying and happy relationship after this experience is this first love syndrome? And what are some ways I can move on about this?

[Cerby]

I find that my first true love still holds a small piece of my heart, and probably always will. But I've long since moved on to happier relationships and my first love it just another piece of the past.

[Sonrisa]

i guess i can't really answer that since i don't believe in love or longing for someone in the past

[Phoenix23]

Since you mention there being a spiritual connection:
Soul connections once established can remain for the rest of your life. I'd venture to say that all of them do, but some go dormant. Active soul connections I believe are what keep people constantly in each other's thoughts and dreams. Removing them is the best option if it was not a good relationship (and thus there is no reason to long for a return to it. Ie. you know you shouldn't still have these feelings for him even though you can't help having them), because soul connections can have continuing negative consequences if they are with the wrong people.

Sometimes people who do have a true connection, a connection that was meant to be good, simply cannot work out because one of them hasn't matured enough to make it work. I've also heard that people into bad stuff and attitudes can negatively impact those they are soul tied to, so that is why one must be careful who they give their heart to. You may be sensing that he was something you would want to be with, but are sad realizing that if that's the way he's going to behave there's no chance of it.
You may try contacting him again to see if he has changed, however in my experience people can't change a whole lot in that amount of time without the Holy Spirit working in them, so unless he's a Christian or converts I wouldn't expect him to be a good partner now much more than he was then.

I can't tell you if the connection is good or bad, prayerful introspection may reveal that to you if you don't know already.
The Holy Spirit of God can remove the bad soul connections through prayer, if that is what you want. If you don't want to have these feelings for him, but can't control yourself, then ssevering the connection is the best option.
If you want to hold onto that connection then that probably means you need to try to get in contact with him and see where things stand. But if you have no intention of being with him ever, then holding onto that connection could likely only cause you harm.

[bcgirl]

the first love will always hold a place in the individual's heart. When you're young and inexperienced....all the emotions of passion etc. is intensified because you are feeling these things for the first time with someone. You've most likely lost your virginity to your first love, that person was the first person you said "i love you" to, that first love have shared many firsts with you. This is why the emotions are so intensified. It's like that feeling a mother gets when she has her first born...she savours every moment with her newborn....but when she has another baby, she's done it all and knows what to expect as well as have more experience. You will ALWAYS remember your first....but do not mistaken it for "true love" or "soulmate" as many people tend to make that mistake. With experience in life you will go through more boyfriends/girlfriends and have sex with more than one person your whole life. Only with experience will you understand who is the most compatible with you. Ofcourse with other relationships onwards you won't be having sex for the first time, nor sharing your very first kiss etc....but you will mature as a person and understand that first loves hardly ever work out in the long run anyways.

[prettiwings]

Since you mention there being a spiritual connection:
Soul connections once established can remain for the rest of your life. I'd venture to say that all of them do, but some go dormant. Active soul connections I believe are what keep people constantly in each other's thoughts and dreams. Removing them is the best option if it was not a good relationship (and thus there is no reason to long for a return to it. Ie. you know you shouldn't still have these feelings for him even though you can't help having them), because soul connections can have continuing negative consequences if they are with the wrong people.

Sometimes people who do have a true connection, a connection that was meant to be good, simply cannot work out because one of them hasn't matured enough to make it work. I've also heard that people into bad stuff and attitudes can negatively impact those they are soul tied to, so that is why one must be careful who they give their heart to. You may be sensing that he was something you would want to be with, but are sad realizing that if that's the way he's going to behave there's no chance of it.
You may try contacting him again to see if he has changed, however in my experience people can't change a whole lot in that amount of time without the Holy Spirit working in them, so unless he's a Christian or converts I wouldn't expect him to be a good partner now much more than he was then.

I can't tell you if the connection is good or bad, prayerful introspection may reveal that to you if you don't know already.
The Holy Spirit of God can remove the bad soul connections through prayer, if that is what you want. If you don't want to have these feelings for him, but can't control yourself, then ssevering the connection is the best option.
If you want to hold onto that connection then that probably means you need to try to get in contact with him and see where things stand. But if you have no intention of being with him ever, then holding onto that connection could likely only cause you harm.

This is great advice thank you so much!!

[prettiwings]

the first love will always hold a place in the individual's heart. When you're young and inexperienced....all the emotions of passion etc. is intensified because you are feeling these things for the first time with someone. You've most likely lost your virginity to your first love, that person was the first person you said "i love you" to, that first love have shared many firsts with you. This is why the emotions are so intensified. It's like that feeling a mother gets when she has her first born...she savours every moment with her newborn....but when she has another baby, she's done it all and knows what to expect as well as have more experience. You will ALWAYS remember your first....but do not mistaken it for "true love" or "soulmate" as many people tend to make that mistake. With experience in life you will go through more boyfriends/girlfriends and have sex with more than one person your whole life. Only with experience will you understand who is the most compatible with you. Ofcourse with other relationships onwards you won't be having sex for the first time, nor sharing your very first kiss etc....but you will mature as a person and understand that first loves hardly ever work out in the long run anyways.

Very true indeed thank you

[bulrush]

I find that my first true love still holds a small piece of my heart, and probably always will. But I've long since moved on to happier relationships and my first love it just another piece of the past.

Ditto. I will still remember my first love fondly when I was 18. But we really were not compatible for anything long-term. And she knew it. She was kind when breaking up with me, but she was right to do it, and it still hurt. I'm still amazed how wise and kind she was at just 17 years old.

Bcgirl gave some great advice above. Thanks sent via ESP. *smiley*

[bcgirl]

my first love will always be in my thoughts and hold a place in my heart. That relationship has taught me a lot and has helped shape me into the woman i've become. I'm now married to a wonderful man and I think back to if I were to marry my first love....it would have been a disaster.