Diiiiid I Do Something Bad?

[Seif]

Ohmahgawd. Sorry. But this is kind of annoying me.

The boy I'm discussing is the same one from my last entry (of course), is 24, living an hour away with a different job than mine. He left my place of employment a month ago, been on three dates, it's been established that we really like each other, etc, but seeing as he's so far away and "his life sucks right now" and we have schedules that do not match, he always tells me "not to wait for him", which is the ONLY REASON why I would ever consider going on a date with anyone else... Because I really do like this guy. I should clarify that we tell each other all the time about the other people who flirt with us, so me talking about a boy (and him talking about a girl) is nothing new to either of us.

I think I made him mad. We text consistently and have been doing so for the last month (I wouldn't be so weird if it had been for a week or something, but, yeah). The other day (Tuesday) I was telling him about a guy at work who has been annoying me, and being a douchebag. The conversation went something like this:

Me: This boy is annoying me now :\ At first I thought he was okay and we could try hanging out, but now he's nosy and says random things like "That guy you like is never going to come see you; lemme know when you give up". It's like, really? I wish boys were a little less... Stupid.

Him: Hahaha, who said that?

Me: The one boy from work who kept giving me that hello kitty stuff I told you about. Then he had the nerve to ask me out.

Him: Aww well he did try, but he also sounds like a d-bag since he tried to talk you into going out with him. It feels wrong to have to convince a girl to go out with you when they really don't

Me: No I mean I thought about it, but then he started looking over my shoulder at shit. Now every time he sees your name he goes "You haven't given up yet?" I've told him how I feel about that and he said "Well I think that you're being really stupid about who you date." So I'm not happy.

Him: Umm so you thought about it, until he kept going?

I made a response which he didn't respond to, but I chalked that up to him being in bed because he stops texting around that time anyway. But on Wednesday (Yesterday) I didn't hear from him at all. I only sent him two texts, but since we have plans today, I made him a call and left him a message saying "Let me know if you still plan on seeing me tomorrow". I would have thought that he was just too busy/tired to text, but A: He texts me at least once to tell me he's too busy or tired, and B: He wasn't too busy to stop posting on facebook :\

So, I sent him one more text today and also sent him a facebook message to give him the benefit of the doubt just in case he didn't get my messages. I'm not really concerned with will he text me back or not... I'm just concerned with whether I really could have made him mad with that text or if I should just assume that he's uber busy and cannot talk to me at all.

[searock]

I think the conversation made him face the fact that he is keeping you on edge by not taking a clear decision about you. He might have felt pressured (even if it may not have been your intention) to take a decision, and he "ran".

If he was truly interested in you, he would have taken a decision a while ago, or he would have during that conversation. Instead he avoided responding to what the guy at work said - which is actually the main point.

[Seif]

Ah. So this isn't just me overreacting and him just being busy? That's good in a way... At least I know I have a good sense about things. I did send him a Facebook message and he still hasn't responded to it (Though he has responded to other posts, so I think he ignored it).

Is there a way I can communicate this issue with him without being face to face with him, or should I just wait it out? 'Cause this kind of sucks - we DID have a fight like this before, but that time at least he told me what his issue was and that he wouldn't be talking to me (Even though he DID block me off all avenues of communication). This time I didn't get anything, which is why I assumed he was just... Busy. Or wanted some space. He has also been really unclear about the issue between "Us", for example he doesn't call us "boyfriend/girlfriend", but when I told a coworker that I "didn't technically have a boyfriend" his comment was "ouch". >>;;

WHen I asked him to try and clarify how he felt he said exactly what I posted in my last topic, which was that he wanted to date me "full time". We haven't done anything sexual and in fact it seems pretty unfair how much time/money he's spent on me versus how much I've spent on him, so I don't feel as though he's using me o.O;;

[searock]

Hm... well, if a guy I was dating on such an unstable basis suddenly stopped replying to all my attempts at communication, I would think it is because he is at least having second thoughts about the two of us dating. But if you already had a similar fight and he told you he would have stopped communicating with you, it might be different this time - not necessarily in a good way. I doubt he's just busy, since he is using facebook normally. I don't think there's much you can do, except waiting for him to contact you. He is definitely mistreating you and you have every right to let him know how you feel about this immature behavior of his, if and when he finally decides to talk to you again.

[Cerby]

Have you tried actually using the buttons on your phone and calling him? Texting and facebook are not adequate means of communication.

Further, as you're still "dating" and not "in a relationship" it would appear that you're playing games with him. Not to say he isn't pushing and pulling with you by saying things like "Don't wait for me". You inadvertantly made him feel like he wasn't important by telling him that you were considering someone else. You didn't do something bad, but you didn't do something good either.

I'd recommend you avoid talking about other people you plan on dating to someone while you're still in the early stages of dating someone that person. He probably feels like you just don't care and has decided to back off. Hell, I probably would.

[Seif]

Hm... well, if a guy I was dating on such an unstable basis suddenly stopped replying to all my attempts at communication, I would think it is because he is at least having second thoughts about the two of us dating. But if you already had a similar fight and he told you he would have stopped communicating with you, it might be different this time - not necessarily in a good way. I doubt he's just busy, since he is using facebook normally. I don't think there's much you can do, except waiting for him to contact you. He is definitely mistreating you and you have every right to let him know how you feel about this immature behavior of his, if and when he finally decides to talk to you again.

All right, then that's what I'll do. Thank you xDD.

[Seif]

Cerby, Yep, if you read my post more carefully it does say I made him a call because we had plans today and I left him a message to please let me know if he still planned on stopping by.

Ohm, okay. But even if he does the same thing, I'm doing something weird? I thought that the two of us had just kind of decided it was a nice gesture to let each other know that other people were interested while WE were interested in each other, since he does talk about other girls interested in him, but he consistently says he doesn't want anyone else and isn't looking at anyone else. That's why it's so confusing. But yeah, I think I'll take you up on that advice just the same. Thanks.

[gigigi]

hmm maybe it's just me, but it seems like you and he are both not satisfied with your current situation, and i feel like awkward situations like this are going to continue endlessly until you
make a clear decision as to whether you're actually a couple or not. an hour away is not that far, so i feel like there is some other reason for hesitating on your/his part? at any rate, if it's just casual dating, i don't think you need to inform each other when other people flirt with you or ask you out, because even in a non-exclusive situation i think that always leads to some jealousy.

[bulrush]

He doesn't refer to you as his "girlfriend"? Well, he's not that interested then. Plain and simple.

I don't think you made him mad. Maybe he just got busy. Life happens and people get busy, especially around xmas and New Year's, which are 2 big holidays within 7 days of each other.

[Seif]

Theres certainly no hesitation on my part. That is what i want. I know rheres some from him though. The last fight we had he kind of freaked out and said he wasnt ready for a relationship and said he wasnt going to allow himself to be hurt again. A week later though he apologized profusely and told me hed been thinking about it a lot and he would like to give another relationship a try (His last serious one was four years ago, its been only dates since then). I have been trying to make that decision with him and he consistently says thats what he wants, but he doesnt want it to just be us calling each other a boyfriend/girlfriend and never getting to see each other; he considers an hour long distance and believes that they rarely if ever work out, but is waiting for his new schedule (in january) to see if we can accommodate dating more. Hes also always talking about moving closer to me.

Sorry for the numerous typos. Im typing on my phone as im staying over at a repatives and have no computer xD

[Seif]

He doesn't refer to you as his "girlfriend"? Well, he's not that interested then. Plain and simple.

I don't think you made him mad. Maybe he just got busy. Life happens and people get busy, especially around xmas and New Year's, which are 2 big holidays within 7 days of each other.

Hmm. I understand where youre coming from, but i really dont and never have gotten that feeling from him. Until now hes talked with me considerably and always makes an attempt to come see me after work, even if hes incredibly tired. Also, why would he bother buying me a christmas present if he wasnt? It wasnt a gift i believe a person uninterested in me would put the effort into (Concert tickets, ie a date). But thank you for your input, im glad ro hear that actually xD