help!!!!

[koolrunning]

So a little over 2 weeks ago my girlfriend and I of 4 years broke up. We were each others first true loves and were planning on marriage in 2 years. We were doing okay, but we both realized that things weren't unbelievable like they used to be for a few months. We both realized that we weren't connecting as well and our physical intimacy had decreased (mostly because of her). We had discussed the fact that things weren't great like they were before, (I was the one that brought it up) although we still were usually having a good time. When I told her that I wasn't sure she was still in love with me, she eventually broke down and said that she needed "some time alone."

I took it well at the start and fully realized that I don't want to sell myself short to be with someone who might not really love me. But after a few days I started talking to her again to give her some stuff back and then I started to literally lose my mind. It was particularly bad on Valentine's Day. As everyone on here knows, suddenly not talking or seeing someone who you spoke with everyday for so long seems impossible, particularly because we live only a mile away. I can certainly admit we had our problems, but I think it is largely because we are both in a transition phase of our life. I am in the very demanding first year of law school and she moved out to this city to primarily be with me and is starting a new career. We hadn't spoke in about a week and I was doing better until I found out that she had gone on a date with some guy she met through a friend. Obviously I was crushed and made the big mistake of calling her. Fortunately I was composed when I called and I just asked her what her deal was and kept it very friendly. I basically said that I didn't think she would be dating other people so soon but I understood that it was her perrogative. We basically left off on a good note and she is planning on contacting me in 3 weeks. What should i do? She knows I am still in love with her and she would never hurt me intentionally, but at the same time I am starting to think that the only way I can get her back is to play some hard ball when she calls. I know she is hurting really badly inside and isn't even close to over me, yet she has it in her head that she needs time apart or she might even think that we are through although I find that hard to believe. All she will say is that she hopes things will work out. At this point I don't know what to do? Part of me just wants to forget about her although that is impossible while the other part thinks about her all day. When I am on spring break in 2 weeks with my friends should i meet some girls and do some typical single spring break stuff or do you think that will make me feel worse?

thanks for listening.

[cycletease]

Oh, hell. you are making me sick to my stomach just thinking about your situation. I have been involved in a similar-ish situation myself and truly feel for you.

May I ask how old you both are? Are there any markers at all for what may have caused the shift? Was one of you away for a while, really busy with school or work?

"Needing Space" is your basic catch all for a person who is having doubts about the relationship. They want space so that they can decide if they still want to work things out. In this you have no choice but to gamble that time away will make her realize that she loves and misses you.

The date thing is a real shocker. I would definitely be shaken. You handled it really well and far better than I think that I could. It could work in your favor since most people are totally incompatible and it may just show her how lucky she is to have a companion in you. Conversely, you have to assess your own feelings about her being able to actually go out with another go so soon. Are you ok with that at all? It would be a total deal breaker for me and I would definitely cut it off permanently...but I have a particular beef with that sort of thing that you may not.

If you have any desire to work things out with her hooking up with another girl will ruin everything. If you want to walk away it wouldn't cause you any harm. Think carefully about it before you do anything.

Sorry that you are going through this. You will have a lot of sympathetic ears here.

[koolrunning]

i am 24 she is 23.

[koolrunning]

The situation was less than ideal, i am totally swamped with school and stressed all the time as are most first year law students. She was trying to meet new people and get adjusted to a new city. You are exactly right, she said she wasn't sure about things and was trying to reavaluate. I wasn't happy about it because I thought in a few months things would be great again once I got done with the school year. But I understood what she did and didn't want her to be in a serious relationship if she wasn't sure. I am having a real hard time though with her dating already and find it to be rather demeaning to our 4 years together. I am pretty confident that she will find that anybody she dates doesn't compare to me (I am not tryig to be cocky, I just know how well we usually got along). The only thing I am worried about is if she is so lonely that she decides this guy is great not becasue of who he is, but just because of the lonely state that she is in. If that is the case I probably wouldn't want to be with her anyways. I know I sound rational now, but believe me before tonight is over I will be fuming again. I am up and down, up and down. At this point I think if I don't at least hook up with someone else before we consider reconciling I will be pissed at her forever. So I guess that begs the question of whether two wrongs can make a right or at least a better?

[JimmyHat]

Man go for a rebound girl....if found its the best way to get over someone fast and "get back" at someone like we all love to do. Anyways it clears your head and if she finds out about it she may come back. If not then you know its over for good.

[koolrunning]

so i have a pretty good attitude about things right now although i still obviously miss her a lot and am still hurting pretty bad. I have been righting a long letter of sorts that isn't about getting back together or even implies that I want to get back together. It is mostly about what went awry in our relationship and probably how we got to this point. (it is more for me than her in a way) At the beginning I thought I could just fix everthing, but I realize now that we didn't break up over anything that was easily fixable, as we were both very committed and wouln't have done it over something like that. We broke up because our lives were both very different than before in college. we couldn't be each other's number one priorities all the time like before, and this hurt both of us, especially because we weren't used to it. As a result our emotional connection weakened and we lost that proverbial spark. I know it won't be easy to ever get back together even if we both want to, but I do think there is a decent chance of it if we both realize some of the main reasons for why this happened and agree to try and make some changes. Do you think I should send this letter to her anytime soon or do you think any type of communication from me will not be beneficial and would be sending the wrong message. I think she is going to call me in 3 weeks to talk so I could wait until then or later. So in a way I feel it is better to wait, but in another way I feel like it is better to just send it to her now so she can think about things from possibly a new perspective sooner rather than later.

any advice would be appreciated. thanks.