WTF does he expect?

[katty151]

So - I had a great 1 night stand with a friend I know through a mutual friend.

I'm not naive - I know this guy only wanted to **** me the moment he suggested to 'walk me home'...urgh. He had been eyeing me up all night in the bar we were in and not to be egotistical, but he made it obvious he was interested the moment he walked into that bar and slowly made his way around the table to sit next tome so...

Fortunately for him, I was horny that night and he was certainly good looking enough for me to give him my attention. I make a point of never having sexual relations with anyone I am not attracted to - especially when I just want some so anyway, he came home with me and waited on me as I had a 40min catch up with my flatmate.

Once I got to bed, I made it obvious I was looking to head straight to bed - why did he not take the hint and leave?? During my conversation with my flatemate and even after I had changed into my pjs and headed to bed?? Finally, I announced I wasn't interested in on sexual intercourse afterall. He joined me in bed anyway ??? huh??

He proceeded to kiss me and cuddle me. By this point, I remembered how horny I was and reciprocated. One thing led to another and he got me off. All the while he was gagging for it but I told him once again his penis was going nowhere near or inside my vag.

Either way, he was happy to continue cuddling me and did so for the 1/2hrs we napped. I had a flight at 7am the next morning so I was up at 4am and got ready to leave. He was clearly awake but lingered in my bed. I gently tried to get him up and after a few mins lingering he finally got up. I changed my sheets, got them into the wash machine as he talked to me then I politely asked if he wanted anything for breakie (hangover cure-ish...) but he said no. We left my flat and he walked me to my bus and paid for it.

Now - I DO NOT WANT or EXPECT anything from him at all or anymore but for future reference please advise... Was I unkind to rather selfishly get my rocks off and leave him hanging? I don't think I owe him anything but I remember how GOOD I felt that night. What was his cuddling all about? What was his failure to promptly get up and leave the next morning or indeed when it was clear he wasn't going to get any, the night before, all about?

I know him through friends and apparently he has a crush on me but doesn't know what to do about it? Prrrft! - or does he just have a serious case of sex-hang-up and/or immaturity. Its not like he took advantage of me so whats the deal? We are both adults - or are we? - and so he can speak to me if he 'likes me' right? Actually I heard he is also in an on-again-off-again FWB situation with some other girl. WTF?

On reflection of his lost puppy act that morning/evening, I have reaffirmed my resolution not to persue him. Yes - I liked our sexual play that night so why should I not see what this could be and enjoy each other in the mean time...? Or is it that he is 'TOO NICE' (prrfft) to go for it? Or, honestly is it just he is scared shitless. As a 24yr old, I completely understand that he may just be looking for casual hook-ups and I'm in the same frame of mind at 23. Just because we are both looking for 'the One', its a certain we wouldn't find this in each other as its a well known FACT that your one night stand can NEVER turn into a serious contender for a LTR with you. So what does it mean if he keeps going back/forth between that girl and then his best mate telling him he actually quite likes me?

I'm not gonna lie - I am in complete lust with that night. I have had good sex but never that satisfying with him... So my mini dilemma is - as I am persuing more serious suitors for LTR should I get into a FWB with this dude?

[Wakeup]

So - I had a great 1 night stand with a friend I know through a mutual friend.

I'm not naive - I know this guy only wanted to **** me the moment he suggested to 'walk me home'...urgh. He had been eyeing me up all night in the bar we were in and not to be egotistical, but he made it obvious he was interested the moment he walked into that bar and slowly made his way around the table to sit next tome so...

Fortunately for him, I was horny that night and he was certainly good looking enough for me to give him my attention. I make a point of never having sexual relations with anyone I am not attracted to - especially when I just want some so anyway, he came home with me and waited on me as I had a 40min catch up with my flatmate.

Once I got to bed, I made it obvious I was looking to head straight to bed - why did he not take the hint and leave?? During my conversation with my flatemate and even after I had changed into my pjs and headed to bed?? Finally, I announced I wasn't interested in on sexual intercourse afterall. He joined me in bed anyway ??? huh??

He proceeded to kiss me and cuddle me. By this point, I remembered how horny I was and reciprocated. One thing led to another and he got me off. All the while he was gagging for it but I told him once again his penis was going nowhere near or inside my vag.

Either way, he was happy to continue cuddling me and did so for the 1/2hrs we napped. I had a flight at 7am the next morning so I was up at 4am and got ready to leave. He was clearly awake but lingered in my bed. I gently tried to get him up and after a few mins lingering he finally got up. I changed my sheets, got them into the wash machine as he talked to me then I politely asked if he wanted anything for breakie (hangover cure-ish...) but he said no. We left my flat and he walked me to my bus and paid for it.

Now - I DO NOT WANT or EXPECT anything from him at all or anymore but for future reference please advise... Was I unkind to rather selfishly get my rocks off and leave him hanging? I don't think I owe him anything but I remember how GOOD I felt that night. What was his cuddling all about? What was his failure to promptly get up and leave the next morning or indeed when it was clear he wasn't going to get any, the night before, all about?

I know him through friends and apparently he has a crush on me but doesn't know what to do about it? Prrrft! - or does he just have a serious case of sex-hang-up and/or immaturity. Its not like he took advantage of me so whats the deal? We are both adults - or are we? - and so he can speak to me if he 'likes me' right? Actually I heard he is also in an on-again-off-again FWB situation with some other girl. WTF?

On reflection of his lost puppy act that morning/evening, I have reaffirmed my resolution not to persue him. Yes - I liked our sexual play that night so why should I not see what this could be and enjoy each other in the mean time...? Or is it that he is 'TOO NICE' (prrfft) to go for it? Or, honestly is it just he is scared shitless. As a 24yr old, I completely understand that he may just be looking for casual hook-ups and I'm in the same frame of mind at 23. Just because we are both looking for 'the One', its a certain we wouldn't find this in each other as its a well known FACT that your one night stand can NEVER turn into a serious contender for a LTR with you. So what does it mean if he keeps going back/forth between that girl and then his best mate telling him he actually quite likes me?

I'm not gonna lie - I am in complete lust with that night. I have had good sex but never that satisfying with him... So my mini dilemma is - as I am persuing more serious suitors for LTR should I get into a FWB with this dude?

I think you should do what you want and worry about any consequences later. O.o Dudes got the other FB if you don't want a piece of him so no worries there. Stop analyzing so much it's just sex, right?

[katty151]

I ain't analysing. I was just curious as I do not want to hurt his feelings or my friendship with his bestmate. Thanks for your answer though. Yes indeed - its just sex.

[Wakeup]

btw: I thought you said you were 21 in your other thread. You say you're 23 in this one?

If you are honest with him that you just want another FB and he agrees to go toe to toe with you under those conditions then it's his own fault if he gets hurt as it will be yours if you let your veejay rule your heart. If you're worried about hurting the mutual friend then maybe you should bring this up to them if you think what you do and whit whom is any of their business. (?)

[katty151]

Jeez....you're now trolling through ALL my previous posts/my profile? Does it even matter?

Since it matters (erm, to you) - that obviously must have been a 1 or 2yrs ago. Yes, I am a fair bit more experienced now and I am actually 23.

Its more of a courtesy to my friendship with his best friend because, he is in a LTR with MY best friend. Besides...if he continually moans to his best mate about how much he likes me - I think it is only fair I AT LEAST give my relationship with him & thus my friend a quick thought. I am mostly looking out for myself as I refuse to be ostracised by his friend for any of this if and when it doesn't work out. As I could lose out on a whole bunch of other friendships in this group. I'm not big on drama so I'm making sure there will be no drama when this doesn't work out.

Anyway, to be frank, YES! You're completely right. I can and will do whatever I feel is right for ME so long as I am honest with him.

Also, I don't think it was over-analytical of me to wonder if this guy is serious about a little more with me. I am clear in knowing what to expect from a 1 night stand BUT there are exceptions to every rule and I was intrepid enough to seek opinions of a wider male audience on here purely for curiosity's sake so I do not think you should have dismissed me as being 'over-analytical'. This happened at the weekend past so its still very 'fresh'. I'm just wading through my thoughts here and that is why I asked all those questions on his behavior towards me, during & after... Never mind though, if that was your final answer thats completely fine.

Cheers.

[Wakeup]

Now you will likely go on a defensive tangent about this however: Just for the record you posted your age as being 21 on May 13, 2011.. 7 months ago. Why lie about your age and that you probably posted a year or more ago? (seems you an I joined in May 2011) .. And yes it really matters because It kinda screws with your credibility, ya know?

Anyway, Something to think about for future reference. if you want to be more than a fvck buddy then you shouldn't give an impression in actions that, that is what you want to be.

Cheers back at ya.

[carl1222]

"Fortunately for him, I was horny that night and he was certainly good looking enough for me to give him my attention. I make a point of never having sexual relations with anyone I am not attracted to - especially when I just want some so anyway, he came home with me and waited on me as I had a 40min catch up with my flatmate.

Once I got to bed, I made it obvious I was looking to head straight to bed - why did he not take the hint and leave?? During my conversation with my flatemate and even after I had changed into my pjs and headed to bed?? Finally, I announced I wasn't interested in on sexual intercourse afterall. He joined me in bed anyway ??? huh??

He proceeded to kiss me and cuddle me. By this point, I remembered how horny I was and reciprocated. One thing led to another and he got me off. All the while he was gagging for it but I told him once again his penis was going nowhere near or inside my vag."

So let me get this straight ... you jerked this guy around all night, invited him into your home, let him sit in your waiting room for 40 minutes, used him as a sex toy without the courtesy of a "reach around," let him pay your bus fare ... and somehow this was "fortunate for him???"

Look, I don't find anything particularly wrong with a one-night stand on a horny night, but a little more consideration would have been in order. He's a person, not a vibrator! If a guy you liked had abused you the way you abused this poor schmoe, you would be screaming from the rooftops!

[katty151]

@carl1222:

Oh c'mon now! He invited himself over. We were obviously attracted to each other and so we had a very brief make out session at the bar (he needed to know I was interested but i had other priorities that night that would determine the following morning). I had made it crystal clear I had a flight early the next morning so I said I had to go home then he OFFERED to 'walk me home...' Clearly a euphemism. I say a word to invite him over my threshold once we'd arrived at my flat door. He invited himself in and waited, predatorily.

He chose to follow. He chose to pay for my bus fare that morning and I can bloody well pay my own way thank you very much! In fact, I had started to run off to get my own cash out of a machine and was saying goodbye to him as I did so, but he offered me the money. I didn't take it until i was sure he had enough to get home. Furthermore, by this point i was having to run for my bus hoping not to miss it because he'd decided to linger about in my bed long after he'd felt+heard me get up and I had even woke him up.

I actually did offer to 'return the favor' for him that night but he said no. I ignored this but he stopped me. I did not use anybody like a toy-thing that night or do anything that I was not comfortable with or that he was not comfortable doing. At any point, he could've politely left my flat if he wanted to, just like I was careful and polite when I made it clear to him I didn't want sexual intercourse. I was setting boundaries in a less formal/frigid way that would not ruin the 'mood'...make him think I was prudish or any of that nonsense. He kept pushing and pushing for more but I did not budge for him to get his fix... I just thought, where will giving in leave me? Unsatisfied and thus feeling pretty used too. I ended up compromising at foreplay! If it was torturous for him, well it was for me too.

It seems to go like so: if we women get what we want on our terms - we are unfeminine, aggressive, cold-hearted or sluts.. so often times, we'll compromise our desires/pleasure to fulfil those of some selfish someone that, will not think twice about finding out what we wanted long after he has cum. I am not that woman. I knew and know exactly what I want and how I wanted to feel. So there..

My point with my 1st post was - I know this guy & I liked him when i platonically knew him (way before the kissing even began!) but now after that 1 night, I'm now unsure of what to think. He behaved very 'into me' that night, the morning after and as I have heard through our friends he 'likes me'. Prrrft! Or was he just looking for some sex + a cuddle just for that night? C'mon - men must sometimes want this just as much as women do. I just wondered if I judged the situation correctly and my writing him off so quickly for someone I'd want nothing more with was correct. That. Is. All. I'm more than ready to walk away if need be but I'm still (for the moment) curious about it and would like to take advantage of the aftermath.

[IndiReloaded]

Troll bitch. Both I'd say.

[Lulu]

Kind of sleazy AND heartless. So many like that in the world... and you say you are looking for "the one"?! People like this are a dime a dozen- get over yourself and I bet he already has too.

[Mathias]

@carl1222:

Oh c'mon now! He invited himself over. We were obviously attracted to each other and so we had a very brief make out session at the bar (he needed to know I was interested but i had other priorities that night that would determine the following morning). I had made it crystal clear I had a flight early the next morning so I said I had to go home then he OFFERED to 'walk me home...' Clearly a euphemism. I say a word to invite him over my threshold once we'd arrived at my flat door. He invited himself in and waited, predatorily.

He chose to follow. He chose to pay for my bus fare that morning and I can bloody well pay my own way thank you very much! In fact, I had started to run off to get my own cash out of a machine and was saying goodbye to him as I did so, but he offered me the money. I didn't take it until i was sure he had enough to get home. Furthermore, by this point i was having to run for my bus hoping not to miss it because he'd decided to linger about in my bed long after he'd felt+heard me get up and I had even woke him up.

I actually did offer to 'return the favor' for him that night but he said no. I ignored this but he stopped me. I did not use anybody like a toy-thing that night or do anything that I was not comfortable with or that he was not comfortable doing. At any point, he could've politely left my flat if he wanted to, just like I was careful and polite when I made it clear to him I didn't want sexual intercourse. I was setting boundaries in a less formal/frigid way that would not ruin the 'mood'...make him think I was prudish or any of that nonsense. He kept pushing and pushing for more but I did not budge for him to get his fix... I just thought, where will giving in leave me? Unsatisfied and thus feeling pretty used too. I ended up compromising at foreplay! If it was torturous for him, well it was for me too.

It seems to go like so: if we women get what we want on our terms - we are unfeminine, aggressive, cold-hearted or sluts.. so often times, we'll compromise our desires/pleasure to fulfil those of some selfish someone that, will not think twice about finding out what we wanted long after he has cum. I am not that woman. I knew and know exactly what I want and how I wanted to feel. So there..

My point with my 1st post was - I know this guy & I liked him when i platonically knew him (way before the kissing even began!) but now after that 1 night, I'm now unsure of what to think. He behaved very 'into me' that night, the morning after and as I have heard through our friends he 'likes me'. Prrrft! Or was he just looking for some sex + a cuddle just for that night? C'mon - men must sometimes want this just as much as women do. I just wondered if I judged the situation correctly and my writing him off so quickly for someone I'd want nothing more with was correct. That. Is. All. I'm more than ready to walk away if need be but I'm still (for the moment) curious about it and would like to take advantage of the aftermath.

Just show him this post. I guarantee he won't bother you anymore after that.

[bulrush]

First, nothing wrong with a one-night stand as long as both people clearly know what it is.

I was looking to head straight to bed - why did he not take the hint and leave??

Because your post gave no evidence you actually told him to leave. If you just drop vague hints, but don't communicate directly, you're going to have problems.

Finally, I announced I wasn't interested in on sexual intercourse afterall. He joined me in bed anyway ??? huh??

I see no evidence in your original post that you asked him to leave. It's about your communication again. Communicate clearly and directly, but be polite. The exact words you used would be helpful here.

One thing led to another and he got me off. All the while he was gagging for it but I told him once again his penis was going nowhere near or inside my vag.
Was I unkind to rather selfishly get my rocks off and leave him hanging?

Yes, you were very selfish. No woman would stand for that. Why should a man?

It seems to go like so: if we women get what we want on our terms - we are unfeminine, aggressive, cold-hearted or sluts.. so often times, we'll compromise our desires/pleasure to fulfil those of some selfish someone that, will not think twice about finding out what we wanted long after he has cum. I am not that woman. I knew and know exactly what I want and how I wanted to feel. So there..

I have no problem with you asking for what you want. But he wanted something, I'm not sure if you invited him in or he invited himself in, but anyway, you let him in, you didn't tell him clearly to get out, which is the same as inviting him in, and you got something, and he didn't. That was selfish.

I also prefer women who are aggressive, and have confidence, and know what they want. It's very attractive to me.

I'm not gonna lie - I am in complete lust with that night. I have had good sex but never that satisfying with him... So my mini dilemma is - as I am persuing more serious suitors for LTR should I get into a FWB with this dude?

That is your decision. If you had fun, why not continue the fun for a while? As you get to know him, he might turn out to be a very nice guy. Or not. I say, dating more people is better, or whatever you want to call it, because that helps you get experience which helps you determine what you want in a LTR.

[Fjortis]

you are just easy and he's attracted to that, he almost definitely has no romantic interest because there can't be any because you are too easy. Sex is not love. Guys can bang the same rubber doll for years, that does not mean they are in love with it, pure physiology. <Urgh this whole thread is so dirty>. Sorry, that's only my opinion.

[katty151]

Well, thanks ALL for the opinions.

It was with the comfort of knowing him that I had no problem with having a one night only sexual encounter with this guy - he wasn't just a somebody I did not know that I had picked up in a club in desperation and now hope to have something more with. I got what I wanted at the end of the day from someone I know and that, in fact, is all that matters to me. Of course sex is not love...contrary to your belief, Fjortis - I'm not naive enough to believe it is and remember - I ALSO felt that that is ALL that night was. Just sex. I do not care what you may believe about me - evident by the fact that I did not in fact have sexual intercourse with him AND he wasn't just a random guy I desperately hoped would fall in love with me after showing some interest, well I think I just have needs like everyone else does, that were fulfilled by him at that moment. Sure, we fooled around and one thing led to another but not sex. He might have expected it but that was never something I was going to give him willy-nilly AND recall I had made it clear to him I did not intend on having sex with him earlier on that night.

Regardless. I'm so over this. FYI - I did hear back from him but I got what I needed from him and that I see now is enough for me. Men sometimes do this to women they know and yeah ok, some women turn out to be far too easy a target. They (the bloke) will whisper sweet nothings to them, take their numbers then if the woman has been fooled enough, the men will be allowed to go home with them, have sex and then afterwards, they'll disappear on them. Well, in the beginning, he did actually behave like so towards me but unfortunately for him, I never intended on being that dumb. So I've decided, it wasn't selfish of me after all. I was looking after my personal interests just as much as he was his own, that night. @Lulu: A one-night-stand has a 0.00001% (to never!) turning into a relationship regardless of whether you know the guy and i understand this fact. Why must a woman always leave it up to the man to decide that he likes her or wants her in the first place and then again and again thereafter? Sure we had a mutual attraction to eachother but the game changed completely the moment he started to believe I was easy and thus started to behave like so towards me after I had kissed him - as if he was the only one whose horniness was important! Well, i don't care to know what you all would do anymore because as far as I'm concerned I was in perfect control and I wasn't thinking with only my vagina like he was his penis head. If I wasn't heartless, he'd have been the heartless one towards me because, evidently as with his on-off-again FB he believes he can get it whenever he feels like it regardless of how he treats her. Yes, I was horny but unlike him who tried to fool me into believing I was so very special to him when all he wanted was one thing, I had my wits about me.

[IndiReloaded]

Not a troll. Cool.

Men sometimes do this to women they know and yeah ok, some women turn out to be far too easy a target. They (the bloke) will whisper sweet nothings to them, take their numbers then if the woman has been fooled enough, the men will be allowed to go home with them, have sex and then afterwards, they'll disappear on them.
If I wasn't heartless, he'd have been the heartless one towards me because, evidently as with his on-off-again FB he believes he can get it whenever he feels like it regardless of how he treats her. Yes, I was horny but unlike him who tried to fool me into believing I was so very special to him when all he wanted was one thing, I had my wits about me.

This is true. Guys do this to gals. Point taken.