Just pissed and lost...

[kups]

I know most people on hear have relationship questions and specific things they need help with, but my problem is much more broad. I'm 23 coming up on 24 soon and I have never had a girl friend. I'm not ugly or sociably awkward in any way, and I am a genuinely nice fun guy to be around. I am not unattractive and keep myself in pretty good shape physically. I am very close to just paying for sex with how frustrated I am. Just not sure how to deal with this anymore... I started training for a marathon just to get some of my anxiety out but it only takes me so far. Going on five years without kissing a girl, and even she was just one of my friends on new years. Been out with quite a few women but all they wanted was friendship. Joined dating sites and have been communicating with girls, but all I have been receiving is fat girls, and I know that sounds bad but I am am not attracted to girls that are bigger than I am. Just seeing how someone can deal with all this frustration. I try and keep a positive outlook on life, but is really hard when I am plagued by all of this. I feel like the hunchback of Nostradamus without the beautiful girl to care about me. Just not sure what to do anymore...Anyone else ever have to deal with this shit??

[LdFilip]

eh...i feel like im reading my own bio -.- ...patience mate,it will change someday and meanwhile,you can gather some informations so you wont be a complete noob when it happens (im not talking about paying for sex,thats you personal stuff).And as others say,stop looking for it and it will show up itself.

[bulrush]

Yes. I was real shy in high school. I got a bit better in college, and I dated a bit. Now I'm older and I'm very confident. Some people are late bloomers. But you do have to change yourself and your habits. You have to take a risk, and ask someone out. You can't get sex without a girlfriend.

Do you have "nice guy syndrome"? I did. What a big mistake. I think girls interpret "nice guy syndrome" as poor self-esteem. Whatever it is, a girl gets tired of a guy being overly nice, or apologizing for minor things constantly. Wouldn't that irritate you?

Here's what I do:

1. Get to know a girl. I date online. First we send messages via the dating website a few times, then we talk a few times on the phone. Often we talk for 1-2 hrs at a time if we really click.
2. If I think things will work out (and this takes practice to interpret their subtle reactions), I tell them to go on a date with me. I'd say "Great. Let's go out on a date. I'll pick you up at 7pm Friday. We'll go to a Chinese restaurant. You like Chinese?" Did you notice I didn't ask? If she can't make it, she will tell me.
3. Before you assume things about me, I don't pick the insecure little waifs. I pick very confident women. Also notice that the "asking out" portion is the only thing I didn't ask.
4. Basically I'm assertive, and that shows confidence that she will say "yes".
5. At the restaurant I let her order first. I don't make suggestions. She is big enough to find what she wants. Unless she asks for a suggestion of a good dish.
6. I'm nice, but not overly attentive. We have pleasnant conversation, and I don't often hold hands on a first date unless we really click. If she holds my hand, I accept that.
7. After the date I send her an email saying it was nice to meet her, I had a nice time, maybe add some details of what I liked best. I DO NOT ask her out for another 2 days, unless it is close to the weekend where she is available and I want to see her again.

I've seen both sides of the issue. So drop the "nice guy syndrome" and you should do better. Try not to care if you get another date or not. Don't think about another date until the current one is over.

[LdFilip]

well...this one seems...not bad,not good,but not bad...there are plenty of such "guides"on the internet,various books,vids,tutorials...but choose wisely,cos most of them are just brainwashing...cos most of those guides teach how to get woman into bed and not how to find love...

[dem862]

Yeah, they can smell desperation, and you seem desperate. You may have to lower your standards until you acquire a little self-confidence. Then you can trade up. Girls seem to want guys who are already taken. It shows the guy has some desirable traits and if another girl wants you, then she can take you away because, well, she will think she is better than that other one. It is a lot like looking for a job. Do you start in the chairman's office without working up through the ranks? No. You get your foot in the door and work like hell to get up the ladder. Ask the fat girl out. She will be delighted to be with you and you will gain some experience and confidence.

[bcgirl]

I know you don't want to date the fat and unattractive girls....but quite honestly......the 9/10's on dating sites will not even bother responding to your messages. They say for every 30 messages a guy sends out....they get 1 back (the 4/10's will most likely msg back). It's a tough world out there....and they say looking for a job in this economy is tough. You can also just wait for luck that a 9/10 hottie will hit on you in the grocery store or something....but, you may be waiting another 24 years. If you do pay for sex....sure, you'll dish out a $500 to screw some high class escort, but she will only screw you and won't remember your name. This may cause more problems for you because you might expect all your future girlfriends to have fake boobs, long blonde hair, a fake tan and butt implants. 99.9% of girls out there don't look like that. My suggestion is to keep trying on the online dating thing.... if a 6/10 messages you back, just go for it. After all....ya never know where it can possibly lead.

[kups]

I am not going to lie I definitely have "nice guy syndrome" and I have always been that way. Its really hard to stop those tendencies! As you can tell I am desperate, but I try not to show it lol. I will stick with the online dating and have been trying to message a new girl every day, but I literally have gotten no responses. I'm not shooting for the stars or anything, I message average girls that have a high response rate. The whole escort thing only creeps into my mind in extreme moments of frustration. Hopefully I will pick up some better skills with girls all the online stuff.