Would this bother you or am I being overly sensitive?

[beloved2]

I wanted your input on something that is bothering me a bit.I may be overly sensitive on this and wanted your opinion. I have been dating a wonderful woman for around 2 months. She is wonderful. She can be aloof at times and is SUPER independent. That is a great thing. But, OCCASIONALLy it is trying for some reason or another.
Well, I had to go out of town for the last 3 days with my boys on a Scout trip. I had to drive in 9 hours yesterday. She didn't text me at all yesterday or last night to see if I got home safe. I did receive an email from her this morning. It was very matter of fact- I hope you had a great trip....ect ect ect. It kinda hurt my feelings last night that she didn't check in to see if I got home safe. I am probably being overly critical. But, what do you think?

Thanks so much and I hope you are having a good day.

[searock]

Was her behavior in this particular occasion different from her usual self? If not, then perhaps it's just the way she is - as you say, "independent". Nothing to worry about. But if this bothers you, you should let her know how you feel, and that sometimes you'd prefer if she were a bit emotionally closer to you.

If on the other hand her behavior in this occasion was different, there might be some particular reason for her to be more distant than usual. Same advice: talk to her, ask her if there's anything wrong and sort things out.

[smackie9]

She's "super independent" should be your answer. The problem you are having here is comparability and expectations. You expect things like her to be attentive, but she is not, so now you are getting paranoid about her losing interest. Well he interest does lie somewhere else at times...but that is her personality and not untrusted behavior. You either have to adjust to the way she is or rethink investing your time in this relationship.

[beloved2]

you are right smackie9.
I'm getting a bit tired of it. It's like dating an ice cube at times. NOTHING AGAINST HER. I do care for her DEEPLY. And she is such a great person. But, I just don't think I can do it. I really like her. But, I may swallow the pain now and move on. I do better alone anyway.

[LdFilip]

didnt you forget or canceled some date or dinner or something?

[dem862]

Is there a reason you didn't text her when you returned to tell her you got in safely? Maybe she expected you to initiate the contact. She did email you the next morning. It does sound like there may be some compatibility issues here. You may need a woman who is more klingy and dependent.

[beloved2]

Maybe you are right about not compatible!
I think the thing that did it for me today. We chat throughout the day while at work with our email. I kinda expressed to her that I had a really really bad weekend at the dealio I attended. Kinda mentioned i needed to talk. Well, Wed night is our date night. And she said why don't we talk about this Wed night. Well, I don't understand why we cant talk about this over the phone tonight. I am probably being a bit needy because It really was a bad weekend. But, are you telling me she can't talk on the phone the night before our date night. Something just doesn't seem right here. It's probably me. I do know- we have to take care of ourselves and we can't rely on another person to do so. I'm going to take today and tomorrow and process this bad weekend and take care of myself.

[beloved2]

Guys. Please don't waste your time with responding to this thread. I'm being selfish and too needy. Love is about giving and accepting what our lover is ABLE to give. This is something I need to take care of for myself and I'm in the wrong here. I'm being selfish. Just kinda hurting bad about some things that happened and could kinda use her shoulder. Thanks for your responses. I need to get busy working this out for myself. Have a good one. She is doing the best she can- you know?

[bulrush]

You are not wrong to be a bit on the needy side. You are wrong to expect her to understand your needs and meet all of them. She is not you, and you are not she. You cannot expect someone else to react how you would. That is where communication comes in. You can talk to them and express how it's important that she does X or Y when you get home, or that you really needed to talk, it was not a minor thing.

If you talk to her about your needs over and over, and she still cannot meet your needs, your relationship has a limited lifespan.

[beloved2]

Thank you BulRush and I agree completely. I had some really bad things happen on this trip and I guess I became a bit needy. I am human and I am going to have to forgive myself. She is doing the best she can and I need to focus on FIXING THIS MYSELF. I do love her and I need to focus on fostering that - not me. Just being a bit goofy. Now it's time to love again.

[random bundy]

I used to be needy, but I considered that a flaw that had to change. I find it easier to depend on yourself rather than others, because trusting others can backfire.

You can do this two ways, the first one is changing yourself. Ofcourse, if you're comfortable with being needy (after all, that's who you are, and you don't need to change for anyone) and it bothers you that she isn't, just talk to your girlfriend and explain it to her, if she does love you, she'll understand.

[HeartIsAching]

You are wrong to expect her to understand your needs and meet all of them.

*without adequate communications.

And even then, if you communicate your needs to her clearly and she doesn't want to meet them, then you have to decide if that's too much for you to bear, you don't get to bend her to your will.

[bcgirl]

everyone has different personalities. Some are more independant and some personalities are more dependant. You can't change that about yourself. You are sensitive while she isn't. Plain and simple. If you stay in a relationship with her....you will forever seek out her affection and she will forever want distance from you.

[ChrisMac]

The more independent, "icier" personalities I've known in women, almost without exception, have deeper trust issues that either come from exes, or more often, one or both parents. I personally believe that being warm and supportive of your partner in the way you're looking for is possible from all women, but some of them require far, far more time and effort made before they trust you enough to open up in that way to you.

I would recommend you not lose patience with her, but still find ways to tell her what you want in a nice way. And doing it in person over dinner is far better than over the phone. Smile as you talk, let her know it's not a big deal, you're not going to leave her anytime soon, and while she'll certainly have relapses, with enough patience I bet you'll find her slowly starting to warm up over time.

And like someone else said, you should have messaged her first that night. A lot of women -- especially ones with trust issues -- will play the game of waiting to see if you make the first move because they're sure that you're going to be yet another asshole. And when you don't (because you're playing the same game) it just proves her right.

[smackie9]

You are not being selfish....a relationship is a partnership, caring, sharing....you both should be supporting each other, especially when one needs comforting. All you are doing is settling.....rolling over, lying on your back and just accept it even if it causes you pain and disappointment.