What do I do?? Old love vs. new???

[Greekniko23]

Okay so to start off I'm 19 years old and in college now. I dated a girl (we'll call her girl A) on and off for about 4 years and I really did care about her, but I must admit that at times she made me miserable. She really took me for granted at times. But for some reason I always felt like things were great between us (dumb I know). Well we were dating again a few months ago when she suddenly stopped talking to me. When she did this, my best friend(who is also a girl, let's call her girl B) was there for me as always to comfort me. Then girl B told me that she had always had feelings for me. She said for years she cared deeply for me but was afraid that she wasn't good enough for me. Truth is I always had a thing for her but she had a long term relationship with a guy who also happened to be a good friend of mine. I realized that the girl i want had been under my nose all this time. We started fooling around a little bit with kissing and she eventually broke up with him so her and I started dating. I love this girl. I mean for years she has always been there for me and treated me well. I have always loved her, but I guess now it's just in a different way. We have a great relationship. I mean everything is good when it comes to the emotional and physical parts. She tells me she loves me and I believe that. She tells me how the way I kiss her and make love to her is so much better than with him, which is nice to hear but I still don't want to be compared to her ex. There's just one issue. On occasion we'll bring up each of our ex's and that seems to cause arguments. I'm not sure what to do because her old boyfriend still goes over to her house sometimes. (Btw they dated for 4 years and he wanted to marry her). And when he's there, she makes sure to tell me. Then I always say something stupid like,"Just don't do anything dumb". When I say this she goes crazy. The worst part is that when he's with her, he still tries to make moves on her. I just am afraid that I might piss her off enough to where she'll just go back to him. I wish she could understand how uncomfortable I am with all this. At times it makes me question whether or she still has some feelings for him. And to add more issues into the mix, girl A has started talking to me again and is saying how sorry she is for hurting me. I miss her even though I know she's no good for me. What do I do???

[searock]

First of all, don't even think of going back to your ex gf. That's a closed chapter and should remain so. Focus on your current relationship and fixing its problems. Why don't you trust your gf? Perhaps you could say something like "I trust you, but I still feel uncomfortable when he visits you". Make her understand that it's because *you* don't feel comfortable that you'd rather they didn't meet each other, and not because you think that *she* will do something dumb.

[ChrisMac]

She's keeping her ex on the burner to make you pay more attention, and also reap the rewards from the attention he pays her. This is not cool, she'd flip out if you started doing the same with the ex who's back in your life. It doesn't sound like you have any reason to mistrust her, though I can guarantee her ex would leap at the chance to sleep with her again.

Here's the thing (and a situation I'm facing right now): if she has zero feelings for him, then telling him it's over, period, shouldn't be an issue. And if she does, then continuing to hang out with him will prevent her from fully moving on with you, which isn't right either. I think you just need to find a kind way to say to her that you want to find out where your relationship can go, but worry that if either of you is still tied to your ex then that won't be fully possible.

[Greekniko23]

She's keeping her ex on the burner to make you pay more attention, and also reap the rewards from the attention he pays her. This is not cool, she'd flip out if you started doing the same with the ex who's back in your life. It doesn't sound like you have any reason to mistrust her, though I can guarantee her ex would leap at the chance to sleep with her again.

Here's the thing (and a situation I'm facing right now): if she has zero feelings for him, then telling him it's over, period, shouldn't be an issue. And if she does, then continuing to hang out with him will prevent her from fully moving on with you, which isn't right either. I think you just need to find a kind way to say to her that you want to find out where your relationship can go, but worry that if either of you is still tied to your ex then that won't be fully possible.

I actually brought that up. I basically told her to put herself in my shoes and look at things from my perspective. I asked how she'd like it if my ex was coming over all the time to hangout. And she told me he'd be very mad at me.

[smackie9]

Everything will be just fine. As your relationship continues she won't have any interest in hanging out with the ex. Just help her move on by focusing on the good points of your relationship instead of the negative.