How do you men do it mostly?

**filler** · 03-02-12, 09:19 AM

I'm am starting to feel like I might be ready to have sex, and one of the many reasons why I refused to be in a relationship before is I'm scared to get prego just like i'm scared of dying, it would ruin my whole life. I knew about the existence of the condoms and still thought it was pretty risky, plus not having any knowledge about sex i just decided to not bother with it and many risks and problems that sex entails with itself, but right now it feels like I can't hold back any longer so I need to know.

I asked a few guys (my friends) how do they usually have sex and if they use condoms and they said that they don't use any but do it very carefully, (plus this is what they do in porno videos they don't use any protection, i was so socked when i watched one) now my question is how many people really have sex without a condom? If i get a boyfriend and ask him to use condoms would it be too much to ask or is it pretty normal to do it without any protection? I mean do most men refuse to use it and feel like not having sex if they use protection?

thanks in advance to everyone!!!

sadie_genie · 03-02-12, 10:11 AM

OMG. How old are you?? Those people who don't use any condoms are on birth control pills if they didn't get pregnant from it. But condom use is still important in protecting you from getting STDs (which pills cannot do). Use both birth control pills and condoms to be safe.

p.s. Your guyfriends are idiots. They are probably talking about the pull out method (pulling their penis out before they ejaculate). But don't ever let a guy have sex with you with just the pull out method because it is very risky. I have a friend who did that and got his girlfriend pregnant.

**HeartIsAching** · 03-02-12, 10:14 AM

Are you 14? Or younger?

**filler** · 03-02-12, 12:47 PM

Originally Posted by HeartIsAching

Are you 14? Or younger?

I'm old enough, you wouldn't beleive it, but I wasn't interested in sex untill recently, I've been sexually assulted when I was 7 and a few times after that and ever since then didn't even wanna do anything that was related to sex or even think about it, because just the thought of it would make me wanna puke, if a guy tried to tell me that he kinda had a crush on me I would try to kill that guy, I was that bad lol but recently (2years ago) I started to feel attraction towards the opposite sex and started to see the wet dreams i never had before, (I think now i'm going through a puperty even though i'm not a teenager), still didn't wanna risk it cuz there are a lot of things that sex entails like disease, pregnancy,etc, etc, plus I didn't trust guys anyways , so didn't do my homework before, and I have to ask common sense and idiotic questions here now, I wanna make sure to know all the details ok!?

Mentally I would say I'm somewhere 13-18 depending on the topic but biologically I'm much, much older.

**filler** · 03-02-12, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by sadie_genie

OMG. How old are you?? Those people who don't use any condoms are on birth control pills if they didn't get pregnant from it. But condom use is still important in protecting you from getting STDs (which pills cannot do). Use both birth control pills and condoms to be safe.

p.s. Your guyfriends are idiots. They are probably talking about the pull out method (pulling their penis out before they ejaculate). But don't ever let a guy have sex with you with just the pull out method because it is very risky. I have a friend who did that and got his girlfriend pregnant.

Thank you that was very educational.

**sssspanos** · 03-02-12, 04:42 PM

Look, I don't (like to) use them, but YOU do what you feel like - and neve be ashamed of it! So YOU use condoms all the times and your bf has to respect it...

You lose a lot being out of sex. Work on it!

**Incognito** · 03-02-12, 08:25 PM

I agree that you should NEVER trust a boyfriend to just do the pull out method for two reasons. First, some men will fail to pull out when they ejaculate because of how good it feels at the moment, and "sorry" won't help you at all once you're pregnant. Second, sperm/semen will end up inside you [before] ejaculation, often referred to as 'pre-cum'. Just so you know, yes, you can get pregnant from pre-cum.

Even if you did successfully use the pull out method a few times it tends to make you less careful though. For instance, my best friend and his girlfriend used the pull out method all the time because they both hated condoms. Well one night they had a bit too much to drink, had sex, and were too into the moment to worry about pulling out. Now they have twins. Yeah. If condom use would have been part of their routine there is a good chance that they'd have remembered that routine even tough they were drunk. If she'd have been using birth control that would have been even better.

Quick question: Did you ever get counseling/therapy after your sexual assaults? It is common that sexual assault victims become interested in sex simply to have sex and be in control of the situation, not because they actually want sexual pleasure or because they want the individual who they are/will have sex with.

**Bonfire** · 03-02-12, 10:11 PM

Originally Posted by filler

if a guy tried to tell me that he kinda had a crush on me I would try to kill that guy

Curious, have you ever succeeded?

**oldskool83** · 04-02-12, 12:27 AM

Birthcontrol.........just eat it like candy. End of story.

**filler** · 04-02-12, 06:57 AM

Originally Posted by Incognito

Even if you did successfully use the pull out method a few times it tends to make you less careful though. For instance, my best friend and his girlfriend used the pull out method all the time because they both hated condoms. Well one night they had a bit too much to drink, had sex, and were too into the moment to worry about pulling out.

Quick question: Did you ever get counseling/therapy after your sexual assaults? It is common that sexual assault victims become interested in sex simply to have sex and be in control of the situation, not because they actually want sexual pleasure or because they want the individual who they are/will have sex with.

Thank you then That's what I'll do I'll make the guy use it and is it 100% safe with condoms? I mean I don't wanna take pills they're not good, they're hormonal and make you have cancer and I don't wanna mess with my health just to have sex, how reliable are they, these condoms? Do ever accidents happen with them?

Answer: No I didn't get any counseling, I mean I was 7, I tried to tell my mom about it and then she started yelling so that was it, I said that I was just kidding, if a parent is stupid enough to let something like that happen in the first place, they won't even bother with counseling therapy and as i grew older I didn't feel like I needed any, I just dealt with it.

I don't know about that, I guess it depends on the age of the victim, circumstances, and the length of the assault, for how long it has been going on. But in any case I don't think children around the age of 7-10 would know anything about controlling the situation, or know that what's going on is really a bad thing, usually adults lie about what's going on like telling them that they're going to play a game, if kids weren’t educated prior to that what’s’ right and what’s wrong they won’t even know that they’re being raped. A lot of adults come and hug a kid or kiss them on their cheeks and etc, if the rest is continued the same way it will feel like a new way of endearing that you didn't know about.

And also there is a fact that kids don’t have the adult hormones that let people feel the pleasure; at that age sex doesn’t give any feelings except for a discomfort and pain. But when you mess with kids private organs that didn’t have the chance to evolve yet, it just going to create a hormonal misbalance I think and that gives you a depression. I just wanted to cry all day long and didn’t even know why I was crying, I would feel melancholic suddenly and just cry non stop. It happened like 3 times and I don’t even remember anything anymore, I tired to block that memory so hard that now even if I want to, I can’t remember anything, any detail of it, it’s like the door was locked and the key was melted. But ever since then I just didn’t wanna think of sex at all.

**filler** · 04-02-12, 07:00 AM

Originally Posted by Bonfire

Curious, have you ever succeeded?

I didn't mean it literally, but whoever did say that has regretted about it lol, I mean no one wants to say “I like you” and get beaten up by a psychotic, mean girl.

**filler** · 04-02-12, 07:11 AM

Originally Posted by oldskool83

Birthcontrol.........just eat it like candy. End of story.

I wish they would make pills for men so they could eat it like candy, and end of story. Those pill make you fat and gain weght, I don't wanna take them

**searock** · 04-02-12, 07:37 AM

Originally Posted by filler

But when you mess with kids private organs that didn’t have the chance to evolve yet, it just going to create a hormonal misbalance I think and that gives you a depression. I just wanted to cry all day long and didn’t even know why I was crying, I would feel melancholic suddenly and just cry non stop. It happened like 3 times and I don’t even remember anything anymore, I tired to block that memory so hard that now even if I want to, I can’t remember anything, any detail of it, it’s like the door was locked and the key was melted. But ever since then I just didn’t wanna think of sex at all.

I don't think that being raped as children creates hormonal misbalances. The depression you have/had is (sadly) a perfectly normal reaction to what's happened to you. Not only the abuse, but also not being able to confide in the person who should have protected you in the first place. I can only imagine what it's like to have those sorts of horrible memories buried deep inside your mind, but I'm pretty sure that as long as you don't deal with them - through therapy - you won't be able to have a healthy sex (or emotional) life. If you can't afford to pay for therapy right now, there are support groups who offer it for free (I don't know where you live but you should probably be able to find your local info googling it). It would help you SO much.

If you are uncomfortable taking the pill, there is no problem at all: many couples use condoms as birth control.
In any case - never agree to do something you feel uncomfortable with just because you're not sure whether it's "normal". There is no such thing as normality when it comes to sex, or intimacy in general. There is only what feels "right" and what doesn't. If it doesn't feel right, it should not happen.

**Incognito** · 04-02-12, 08:22 AM

I second everything that searock said. Great advice.

**smackie9** · 04-02-12, 08:36 AM

Take a good look around you.....look at the stupid young girls pushing strollers, that's how many don't use birth control. It's not very shocking really, it's shameful.

You are smart to look into it but don't be getting your information from you stupid friends. Either you go to a parent planning clinic or to your doctor for proper information. Tip: when using condoms always use a spermicide with it....it is sold with the condoms.

Another tip: if you can't have sex with the lights on, then you are not ready for sex yet. And if a guy refuses to use a condom, get rid of him.....he is irresponsible and a twit.

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