Help me stop affair with a married man

[sarah2]

I don't want to go over details but I'm deeply in love with a married man. This has been going on for a little over a year and it needs to end.
When I met him I was in a LT relationship, which I ended a few months ago. I lost all interest in my ex-bf.

This married man lives far away and we only see each other every 2-3 months. We have a very passionate relationship and fight/love a lot.

We've tried ending it a million times but we just can't seem to stay away. I haven't told anyone about him because I know what I'm doing is wrong. He has 2 little children with his wife.

I don't want/expect him to leave his family to be with me. This relationship is going no where and I know it but can't seem to leave him for good.
I love him and love our time together. Its so hard for me to accept that I can't continue this. I need help.

[Boisdevie]

What do you want us to do exactly? Tell you what, give us his email address and we'll tell him for you.

Yes you do need bloody help. Like a smack in the mouth. Get a grip. End it.

[Lovable]

I agree, we can't help you. YOU have to help yourself get out of this dysfunction.

How would you like it if you were this guys wife & you found out?

[pisces25]

You possibly only love him and your time together coz you only see him every few months. And an affair always has that excitement element, because you both know what you are doing is wrong and could be caught.

Cut contact completely. You know you don't have a future with this guy so continuing it is only going to cause further upset. You need a big dose of self-discipline to stay away but you can do it.

[Wakeup]

Google "Limerence" (the Wiki link) and educate yourself on what you're in a perpetual state of, because it sure aint "love." How demeaning that you allow yourself to be the dirty little secret. Surely you're better then being hidden away on this guys virtual shelf only to be taken down once every 2-3 months to get ****ed.

Seriously, google "limerence" and read what your particular type of obsession is. You'll be sad to hear that psychiatrists are contemplating deeming it a type of mental illness.

You're addicted and the only way to get over any addiction is to go cold turkey withdrawl. ZERO contact. How can you stand longing for him for two or three months only to get a reprieve from that sorry state for a short burst of his time? You're allowing him to steal your joy and your motivation , one bed session at a time. Sad!

[sarah2]

I know, it is an addiction/fantasy more than anything. I just have to keep telling myself that.
I normally talk to him daily but this is my second day without talking to him. I think one of the hardest things is accepting that I made a mistake by believing that this was real love. I know he doesn't love me, he loves the attention I give him and how he feels when he is with me. It doesn't help that sex with him is amazing.

[Saya]

Think about his children and his wife... You are being really selfish and only thinking about yourself.
If his wife found out about this, what do you think how she would feel and react?

If same thing happened to you, what would you do? Would you be ok about your husband having an affair with some other women?

You need help from professional.

You need to change your email/phone number and stop talking to him.

Don't you feel guilty for having an affair with a married men and might ruin his marriage?

Do you want him to have divorced and break up the family?
You are actually going to hurt his children ALOT too.

[misombra]

You dont want to stop. Quit lying.

[IndiReloaded]

Whatever need he is presently filling means more to you than the fact you know it is wrong.

You need to take a hard look at yourself about why you need [whatever he gives you] and either 1. decide to need it less or 2. get it from someone else (more appropriate).

Usually tho, your need represents a deeper problem. Rather than fixing the problem, you use this guy as a distraction. He's like a drug keeping you from improving yourself. Time to get off the needle.

[IndiReloaded]

Think about his children and his wife... You are being really selfish and only thinking about yourself.
If his wife found out about this, what do you think how she would feel and react?

If same thing happened to you, what would you do? Would you be ok about your husband having an affair with some other women?

This doesn't matter, for the reasons I posted. If it did, she wouldn't be posting here. She already knows it wrong. Being selfish is a symptom, but its also the solution: she has to want to stop this for her own selfish reasons (to become stronger/better person/find someone available). No amount of chastising will work.

[IndiReloaded]

You're allowing him to steal your joy and your motivation , one bed session at a time.

This is a good way of thinking about it. Become more selfish, but *productively* selfish!

[sarah2]

No 'addict' wants to stop. It's not that I WANT to stop talking to him. I NEED to stop. I know this can't be good for me or anyone involved.

I never really wanted to post here because I didn't want to see that this is NOT GOOD for me. I wanted to keep lying to myself.....and deep down Im still wishing I could be with him. At least now I'm trying to accept that this is a problem and not what I need.

Thank you guys for your posts. It helps.

[sarah2]

....and unfortunately I feel close to zero guilt about wife and children at this point.

[VincenzoG91]

....and unfortunately I feel close to zero guilt about wife and children at this point.

All the more reason to get away from this guy. You need to work on your own issues, including your depraved indifference to innocent people.

[searock]

If someone should feel guilty for the wife and children, it's the married man. It's his choice to cheat on his family. The only guilt the OP might feel is towards herself, for letting herself get caught up in a situation she feels is wrong, cheating on her conscience or something.