It ended because he was leaving... now he's coming back...

[KateMc]

I'll try to make this as short as possible, but it is in relation to this previous thread I made a couple of months ago:
[url]http://www.loveforum.net/threads/62330-He-totally-cut-me-off-just-before-he-moved-away...-why[/url]

So basically I was crazy about this guy for most of last year, we lived in the same college, he was the first guy I have EVER had feelings for. We got together right at the end of the year and it was awesome, but he was moving away and we knew that from the start. He was a tiny bit worried about getting involved when he knew he had to leave, but I suggested we just make the most of it and he was happy. We had 1 month together before he had to leave, and it was great up until the last few days when he totally started ignoring me. I confronted him (we were both drunk unfortunately :/) and he basically said that he couldn't do it and he had 'turned off his feelings for me so he didn't get hurt'. He also said a lot about his parents and how they had had a bad marriage and he 'couldn't be in a relationship' because of that. After that we didn't speak, I texted him a few times but he ignored them. The day he was leaving he didn't come to say goodbye, I went and found him just before he left because I couldn't handle not seeing him one last time. He was really cold and distant when he said bye, it was pretty awful. I haven't heard from or spoken to him since then- it's been about 2 and a half months.

Well, he has just decided (found out through good old facebook) that he is going to be moving back to my city, and doing another 2 years of uni there. He isn't living in my college anymore, but he's living very close. I know I will see him around a lot because he loves my college and I know he will be visiting a lot, I am also living with his best friend (coincident) and he is in the same course as me (different yr). I have no idea what is going to happen and it's driving me crazy! I still want to be with him. I have tried SO hard this summer to forget him and get over him but it's so hard. I was getting there, and then I found out he was moving back and all my feelings have come rushing back. I have no idea what he is going to do. I don't know if he's going to try and get back together, or if he's just going to keep ignoring me, or what.

If he wanted to get back together then would he have contacted me by now (he's been certain about moving back for about a week and he will be back next week) or would he wait till he was here? I know he said he had turned off his feelings, but can someone really do that? I mean, if he hadn't had feelings for me wouldn't he have just kept acting normal (and sleeping with me) until he left? Why would he stop a few days before...

I have no idea what to expect and I'm SO stressed out I feel sick all the time and can't sleep properly. I am so scared to see him and I have no idea how I am going to react. If I see him hooking up with other girls at college parties I don't know how I will handle it. I want to be with him so much but I don't know if it would ever work because all my friends hate him and I don't trust him anymore. I just don't know what he's going to do. I want to not want him and not care but I do!

[pisces25]

Sorry it doesn't sound like his feelings are mutual, based on the way he was acting before he left.

Also, you are making yourself sick over what-ifs.. pointless. You can not predict what is going to happen in the future and you can not control how he feels.

Lastly, he sounds a bit damaged, not wanting a r/ship coz of his parents' bad marriage. Maybe best to get over him and wait for someone more suitable to come along, and someone that is as enthusiastic about you as you are about them.

[KateMc]

Sorry it doesn't sound like his feelings are mutual, based on the way he was acting before he left.

Also, you are making yourself sick over what-ifs.. pointless. You can not predict what is going to happen in the future and you can not control how he feels.

Lastly, he sounds a bit damaged, not wanting a r/ship coz of his parents' bad marriage. Maybe best to get over him and wait for someone more suitable to come along, and someone that is as enthusiastic about you as you are about them.

Thanks for the reply You are probably right, you are definitely right about the driving myself crazy part. I can't stop thinking through every possible scenario that could happen when he comes back... It is literally driving me crazy. I know I need to stop but it's so hard.

I just don't understand though, because if his feelings weren't mutal, and he didn't like me that much, why did he freak out so much about leaving. If he didn't really like me wouldn't he have not really cared about leaving...?

And I do think he is a bit damaged, but so am I... my parents had a really bad marriage too, and only in the past yr or so have I started to get over it and realise that I can have a good relationship even though their's was bad. I know you can't change people but I think that's part of the reason I like him, we both have that similar experience and could work through it together.

[pisces25]

After that we didn't speak, I texted him a few times but he ignored them. The day he was leaving he didn't come to say goodbye, I went and found him just before he left because I couldn't handle not seeing him one last time. He was really cold and distant when he said bye, it was pretty awful. I haven't heard from or spoken to him since then- it's been about 2 and a half months.

Hun if he was interested he wouldn't have ignored you the past 2.5 months. I think you are just hoping he likes you and wants to get back but his actions do not reflect this. Why do you even want to be with someone that isn't crazy about you?

[KateMc]

After that we didn't speak, I texted him a few times but he ignored them. The day he was leaving he didn't come to say goodbye, I went and found him just before he left because I couldn't handle not seeing him one last time. He was really cold and distant when he said bye, it was pretty awful. I haven't heard from or spoken to him since then- it's been about 2 and a half months.

Hun if he was interested he wouldn't have ignored you the past 2.5 months. I think you are just hoping he likes you and wants to get back but his actions do not reflect this. Why do you even want to be with someone that isn't crazy about you?

Yeah you are probably right. Hopefully once I see him it will be clear he doesn't like me anymore and then I can start moving on. But to me it seemed like he did have pretty strong feelings, and he was trying to supress them because we couldn't be together, that's why he stopped talking to me and was distant when he was leaving. I didn't expect him to contact me in the past 2 and a half months because we were on opposite sides of the country and up until a week ago it was going to stay that way for a long time. There wouldn't have been any chance in us getting back together so obviously we didn't talk to each other and tried to get over each other, that's what I've been doing. Unfortunately I'm not over him, and I guess no one can know if he's over me... I suppose I'll find out in the next few weeks. No one can really know what he's thinking except him, thanks for trying though

[pisces25]

Think of it this way. If he shuts down that easily over moving away (LDR can work if both parties feel the same and like each other enough) what is he going to be like if you commence a relationship and start to tackle the BIG problems? Is he going to just 'switch off' his feelings then?

I know it is difficult but you really gotta try and put him out of your head and move on. Waiting around hoping like you are just makes you seem desperate and it was only a little while that you were seeing each other. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

[KateMc]

Think of it this way. If he shuts down that easily over moving away (LDR can work if both parties feel the same and like each other enough) what is he going to be like if you commence a relationship and start to tackle the BIG problems? Is he going to just 'switch off' his feelings then?

I know it is difficult but you really gotta try and put him out of your head and move on. Waiting around hoping like you are just makes you seem desperate and it was only a little while that you were seeing each other. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

Thanks, yeah you are right. Regardless of how he feels about me, I don't think we would be able to have a good relationship now, he would probably freak out again over something else. Don't worry, I'm not going to let on at all that I'm hanging around for him... the last thing I want is to seem desperate. I think when I see him I will just be polite but not friendly or flirty or anything. That's ok, I need to hear it. It will take a while but I'll get there!