At Wit's End

[BigRedDog]

My lady and I have been together for 6 months. We were friends for a year beforehand.

We started off rocky, me being indecisive and her being... well absolutely freaking insane. But we gave it a shot, and slowly but surely, I became more assertive. But she... remained for the most part the same introverted, indecisive girl she'd always been. The only change is she's become slightly more confident in, of all things, her academics (college, nursing school student)

Now, the first big issue we've had is sex. In the six months we've been together, we've done it a grand total of zero times. And her reasons have changed several times. She's a virgin, I think its important to note. First, she was interested in sex at all. Then she was, but not right then. Then she wanted it to be "special" Then she wanted me to loose weight first. Honestly, I could wait, but her constant string of excuses frustrates me more than anything.

Now the big one that's got me pulling my hair out in anger and asking a bunch of anonymous people on a web forum for help. While we were friends, she used the phrase "we're more than friends, but not a couple." Then when we started dating, she was slow to open up. Then, in a bout of drunkeness, she said she loved me. I didn't pursue it, due to, well, her being drunk at the time. then, two weeks ago, she said it while sober.

Between then and now, she had a bout of stress stemming from school and feeling like she doesn't want to finish (she's in her final semester) After resolving that, she says she doesn't love me. Then she takes that back to "I don't know how I feel." Throughout this, she compares me to a past boyfriend, whom she says she did love. To put this in perspective... I've always been an old fashioned kind of guy. I believe in opening doors for your lady, always paying the bill, and respecting her wishes. this guy, from her own stories, was always mooching off her, and when she wouldn't sleep with him, straight-out asked her if he could sleep with other women since she wouldn't, and forced her to grope him.

So apparently I rank below "absolute scumbag." I keep trying to tell myself she's just lashing out at me for stress from school and family, but the more I tell myself that, the more I respond with "I deserve better than that."

Now her latest thing is that if she doesn't fall in love with me by summer, then we'll break up. Me? I'm wondering if this is all worth it. I've stood by her through everything. I've driven her to visit relatives in the hospital. I've waited six months and counting to consummate our relationship. And yet, no matter what I do, I can't seem to get ahead. I try to be assertive, she backs away. I try to be passive and understanding, she tells me to be more assertive. And combined with using my weight as an excuse (she says it will be uncomfortable with me on top, even after I explained that there's plenty of other positions) and the constant comparisons to her scumbag ex is making me wonder if I ought to just cut my losses and move on, or try a different approach, or just see about this whole "fun" summer she wants to have.

So, in summary:

Pros:
+ Wonderful mental and emotional connection
+ Always wants to spend time, to the point of worrying when I got a job if I'd have time for her
+ Sweet and appreciative
+ Sometime says she loves me...

Cons:
- Can't make up her freaking mind on if she loves me or not
- No sex
- Constant excuses for no sex
- Comparisons to a scumbag ex.

[searock]

Break up as soon as possible, move on.

[smackie9]

Agreed. Next GF make sure you discuss your exceptions and hers....and be sure yours are being fulfilled so you are not sitting there typing your story on the net. With good communication, you will have a happy relationship. Best of luck.

[Boisdevie]

My friend, your relationship is going nowhere at all. And she won't change.
So
end
it.

[bluesummer]

The longer this goes on the uglier it will be when it finally does end. I can't believe you listed some of her qualities as 'sweet and apreciative' when she clearly doesn't appreciate that you aren't a douchebag like her ex-bf. This all sounds horrible, I don't know how you put up with it.

Cut and run, my friend. Cut and run.

[HeartIsAching]

Oh hell... even if she professed her absolute undying love to you TOMORROW, do you really want to be in love with a crazy woman?

Trust me, you don't. I've been there, got the souvenir emotional scars.

Don't walk, run.

[Journey2Virtue]

Break up & if you want be her friend, but do so knowing you're in the friend zone. She has issues & I guess a friend can help her thru it. But its really not fair to make the new guy pay for what the old guy did. In a perfect world ppl would get closure from their past and not bring them into their future social relationships. But, you do deserve better than that. & despite the fact that you care for her, she's totally not ready to be in a relationship, not with you & I doubt with anybody until she gets her issues together. Good news is, its not your fault. BUt at this point, I really think you're just an emotional clutch for her. YOur basically in the friend zone no matter how she tries to dress it up.

Cut your losses. sounds like you're a good guy so go be with somebody who's ready to reciprocate what you give.

[IndiReloaded]

Now her latest thing is that if she doesn't fall in love with me by summer, then we'll break up. Me? I'm wondering if this is all worth it. I've stood by her through everything. I've driven her to visit relatives in the hospital. I've waited six months and counting to consummate our relationship. And yet, no matter what I do, I can't seem to get ahead. I try to be assertive, she backs away. I try to be passive and understanding, she tells me to be more assertive.

Men usually only put up w/crazy girls b/c the sex is fantastic. What's your excuse, other than being her doormat? You want to stop that, yesterday.
Want her to 'fall in love' with you? Break up with her. She's nuts, she'll freak out and you'll have all the power. You might even convince her to sleep w/you before you break off w/her.

Actually, forget my last advice. She sounds so crazy that you might just uncover her inner bunny-boiler. Just break up with her already.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Break up with her. **** her when she caves in, but still stay broken up.

[sadie_genie]

Ya break up with her but make sure she can't find you (change you number, move if she knows where you live, etc). If she is truly crazy she will find you and bite your balls off.