fellow guys... a little advice

[bombboy85]

Ok so I am not saying all of you or any of you for that matter are this type of guy to start off...

Anyway out of curiosity if you were an acquaintance of a married woman who you would love to fool around with but not date, ya know talked every once in a while on facebook or text but never really hang out, and got a message from her jealous husband (who lives long distance from her) saying to stay away from her. Would that you make you actually stay away or just make you more into the thought of trying to hook up with her?

[bombboy85]

Planet is collapsing. Greece is in decline. Iran wants to annihilate Israel. Obama wants to destroy the Catholic Church....but, let's talk about screwing someone else's wife.... Hmmm. Something is rotten in the State of Denmark (that comes from a play by Bill Shakepeare).

Seriously, though, some 63 old woman (she told me that she was 61 but I got the REAL info...) told me that she wants to screw me. I've got a gf. Could I get away with it? Yes. Would I do it? No.

Moral of story: Don't be an idiot.

Do you have one ounce of moral fiber in your body? Do you actually strive to be a lower form of animal? Being a human being isn't just a DNA thing...it actually requires some effort on your part, dude.

little quick to judge... ok I'll put it out there, I didn't want to because it is still more of an after thought in my head. I am the married one, I live across the country from my wife and she has a friend that she met on myspace years ago. He is a very good looking guy, the type that doesnt have to try to get women he just does. Last time I was there visiting her we went out for drinks and he was there on a date, they met for the first time. He has posted comments on her facebook before that are kinda messed up to post on the FB of someone in a relationship. She had wanted to go out with him before me and her every met but they never met. Since they met in person there has been a little more FB interaction as well as texting than previously so sometimes I feel like telling him to stay away from her.

READ THIS, before you tell me I need to trust my wife, I do.... about once a month when dropping my stepdaughter off at her dads house she goes out with a friend who she used to casually date 4-5 years ago, I don't freak out one little bit. Most guys would freak out at that.


P.S. All that stuff really is going on in this world, believe me I'm in the military so I keep a close eye on news of Iran, Syria etc.... but there isn't anything my lone self can do about most of it especially if I my own life weren't in order like a lot of people.

[CAM]

I feel sorry for you. Seriously. She should be a bit more aware of what her actions represent to others. You say that you don't freak out, but it has be on your mind. It isn't human to not be curious.

[bombboy85]

oh sure it's on my mind, I never like it but the fact that she texts me normally the entire time she is out and calls before she crashes and asks me to call early in the morning to wake her up (normally works the next morning) puts me more at ease. Fact is I know in a long distance marriage I have to trust my wife and I really do. Thing is that I know how men work and I don't trust them and as much as I trust my wife.... I've been around long enough (26 years) and been screwed over enough to not trust anyone much when they've been drinking.

[bombboy85]

really though guys what would you do if you were in my position or the other guys?

[smackie9]

Hire a private detective. As they say if you have a feeling your spouse is cheating, you are probably right.

[searock]

It was pretty obvious from the opening post that the OP is the husband.

To answer the OP's question - I think it depends on the guy, and the relationship he has with your wife. Have you read any of their conversations, do you know if they talk about you? If they do then he probably feels like his "connection" with your wife is stronger than yours, since it's like they talk behind your back about ways to meet without you knowing etc. So in that case he'll probably want to meet her even more. If on the other hand she is cold and detached, then... well, in that case it doesn't really matter what you say, since they won't meet up anyway.

Do you think your wife would cheat on you? This is the question you should be asking yourself.

[smackie9]

You can buy a program that you download onto her computer. You can log onto a site to get access to her PWs to get into her emails. If you have your name on her cel phone contract you can request a print out of all the in coming and out going phone calls.


As to your question about telling the guy to back off....it's not the guy you should be worrying about. It's your wife because she is allowing this to happen. If it isn't him, it will be some other shlep. Searock is right...you should be asking yourself , do you think she is cheating on you? It doesn't have to be sexual, it can be emotional. Emotional affairs, like texting each other constantly, and meeting up for drinks or what have you, it's still cheating.

[IndiReloaded]

He has posted comments on her facebook before that are kinda messed up to post on the FB of someone in a relationship.
She had wanted to go out with him before me.
Since they met in person there has been a little more FB interaction as well as texting than previously so sometimes I feel like telling him to stay away from her.

I reposted the sections that I found compelling. Sounds like this guy is scoping out your wife and she is letting him. Telling him to back off won't do anything except make you look a fool.

Trusting your wife is admirable, but blind trust is stupid. Married or not, you are still in a long-distance relationship and these are very difficult to manage. Open communication is crucial. You need to get your wife to confess she is lonely and come up with ways to deal with it. This includes telling her this guy makes you uncomfortable. Your instincts are telling you he is after your wife and I suspect you are right. Its not like they are old friends or work colleagues, right? What other plausible reason could there be? Have you considered she might *want* you to put your foot down on this?

[bombboy85]

I reposted the sections that I found compelling. Sounds like this guy is scoping out your wife and she is letting him. Telling him to back off won't do anything except make you look a fool.

Trusting your wife is admirable, but blind trust is stupid. Married or not, you are still in a long-distance relationship and these are very difficult to manage. Open communication is crucial. You need to get your wife to confess she is lonely and come up with ways to deal with it. This includes telling her this guy makes you uncomfortable. Your instincts are telling you he is after your wife and I suspect you are right. Its not like they are old friends or work colleagues, right? What other plausible reason could there be? Have you considered she might *want* you to put your foot down on this?

well I went away from this topic for a while cause it got blown out of proportion too quickly and this talk of something is up hire a PI is a bit overboard. This post though makes me want to share story from the other night. I brought the subject up and she got very annoyed that I was bringing up something that we had already talked about (told me months ago I didn't need to worry about this guy). I told her I was uncomfortable with it and she said she doesn't want me to be possessive like her ex fiance (whom she left for that reason).

[smackie9]

Hiring a PI is not being overboard, people do it everyday. A friend of mine worked for an agency...the majority of their clients were husbands having their wives being followed....

If communication with your wife is still a stumbling block, then maybe seeing a marriage counselor might be a good option.

[Red Apollo]

I wouldn't be dealing with a married/taken chick in the first place. That just screams headache.

However, just for the sake of your question. If the husband/boyfriend whatever sent me a "Stay away" message, I'd probably try harder. For one thing, it would tell me that whatever I am doing is obviously working. Two, the threat would just make me want to do it just because you threatened me. Pretty much an "Oh yeah? Well f you." thing.

[IndiReloaded]

I told her I was uncomfortable with it and she said she doesn't want me to be possessive like her ex fiance (whom she left for that reason).

Her response is not good. She sounds like she is blowing you off. But, she can get away with it b/c you are keeping the subject general. You need to give her a specific example and see what pings. E.g.

Honey, who is this guy posting to your facebook? That recent message of his is very inappropriate to be sending a married woman. Its making me uncomfortable and worried for you....

Her response should give an idea on how to proceed. If she tries to deflect you may need to press harder, but do it anyway you need to know what's going on. Good luck.

[smackie9]

We are only getting one man's perspective. I always wonder what her and her coworker's perspective is. It just might be truly a platonic, buddy buddy friendship. If anything were to happen, it would have happened a long time ago and she wouldn't be with you. She obviously has no sexual interest in this man, and he knows his boundaries with her.....I'm sure if he did make a move, there would be no contact with each other ever again.....personally I think you are being too insecure. She is right you can't tell her what she can and cannot do within reason. She isn't breaking any rules nor is he. You should maybe talk to a counselor, I'm sure the military provides one because living apart from your family can be stressful.

[searock]

Hm how can we know that she has no sexual interest in him? Just because they never were sexually intimate doesn't mean they never will, or that they aren't possibly having an emotional affair right now. I've had an emotional affair with my best friend (with whom I initially had a purely friendly relationship) for an year before breaking up with my bf, and we never even so much as hugged each other "brotherly". Even though the physical intimacy wasn't there, the emotional one very much was. (I am now in a relationship with him.)