Does she want to date again?

[Kaiju]

A while ago I went on several dates with a girl I met online. We got along very well, had a lot in common, kissed after the 2nd and 3rd dates. I was starting to develop feelings for her after the 3rd date and I suspect the same was true for her. But after that last date, she went to visit family over the weekend and when she came back I got the typical "let's just be friends" message. Her reasoning was that even though she thought I was great and really liked me, our plans for the future/family were different. She wants to have kids soon but I'm not very keen on it (though I said I might change my mind in the right situation). She said she was serious about wanting to stay friends and hoped we'd still hang out. I acknowledged her message said "sure let's do that" and didn't talk to her for a month, expecting that to be it.

A week or so ago, I "drunk texted" her, just asking her how things were going, etc. She responded the next day and we ended up having a 3-4 hour conversation. Almost every day since then we've had hours-long text and IM chats...even on Valentine's day evening. What's interesting that, aside from my original text, these conversations are almost always initiated by her. Interesting because when we were going on dates she never did the initiating.

So...I have to wonder what's up with this. What's your best guess? Does she just want to be friends, or is she interested in rekindling things? Don't know about her, but I sure as hell don't regularly spend that much time talking to "just a friend." I'm wondering if I should try to arrange a platonic outing with her and see where things go. Sneaky...I know.

[smackie9]

You have to ask her for yourself. It would be best to do it right away...strike when the iron is hot so to speak. The longer you wait the deeper you will fall into the "friends zone" and you will find out she has met someone new.

[pisces25]

Be aware if you do arrange a date with her it's more than likely her view on having kids hasn't changed so if things progress that conversation will probably come up at some point. Is that what you want? Also, try phoning her to talk instead of hours and hours with IM/text. She may be just liking the attention and can hide behind IM/text.

[Boisdevie]

So you have been on a third date. Have you had sex yet? So she's talking about wanting to have children? By the third date? Is her clock ticking?

[Kaiju]

@pisces25- I don't know if that's what I want, but I said I would be open to the idea. Apparently it means a lot to her though. As for the IM/Text thing, it's not unusual for either of us. We're not really phone people.

@Boisdevie- No we haven't had sex and yes she was quick to mention the children thing. On the second date I think. Not specifically with me, but she was saying it was important to her. Also, yes I think her clock is ticking like crazy...she has the idea that if she doesn't have a kid by 35 it will be too "risky" or something (she's 31).

[smackie9]

Well she is right. The chances of having a down-syndrome child goes up 35%. She mentioned children because she saw this going somewhere, so I don't blame her.....maybe she could have waited by really what would be the point. I did the same thing when I met my guy but I was the opposite lol....I didn't want children or get married. I definitely had to get that out of the way and I didn't want to waste his time if those are the things he truly wanted. We have been happily unmarried for 22 years now. So I agree with pisces25 there. There really is no point in pursuing something where your expectations are not the same.

She probably called you because she is so desperate that she can't find anyone because she is scaring them off with that baby thing.....also it makes you wonder why she is still single and desperately looking to have babies at 31.

[Kaiju]

She probably called you because she is so desperate that she can't find anyone because she is scaring them off with that baby thing.....also it makes you wonder why she is still single and desperately looking to have babies at 31.

I wonder why she's still single too, considering that she's an MD with a six figure salary. She's a bit awkward and nerdy, but that's probably a plus for many guys (was/is for me). Well she's on OKCupid, so that's probably not the right crowd for having babies with.