I feel awful

[Jjo]

I know this is a really odd thing to post on a forum like this but I don't really know where else to go. I know you're all strangers and there's probably other people I can talk to but I feel so ashamed and guilty that telling my parents or other relatives would make me feel worse. So input or advice is appreciated. Though I already feel terrible about it so please don't judge me I know it was incredibly stupid of me.

I had a midterm yesterday. I got really nervous about it and really wanted to do well and felt so much pressure that I was desperate so I had my notes out under my exam paper. My professor walks back to tell me to put my bags off the table and notices my notes under my exam. He didn't call me out in front of the class or anything for it, so I put everything off my table and at that point was honestly taking the test. but after the first section of the midterm ended he told me to move to a seat closer to him. I finished the midterm in the seat he told me to move to and handed it in. I hand him the test and he tells me, "when I told you to move your bags I couldn't help but notice your notes. Some professors are really serious about that and you could be kicked out for that. You did so well last semester, you don't need to do that. I'm not going to give you a zero percent for this or report it because that would only make it worse and you don't need that. But I do need to deduct the first section off the test. That means 1/3 points off and now the highest you could get is an 80% if you did well on everything else. You still can ace this course though if you do well on the research paper and then the final later this semester".

He was really calm about it because I suppose he understands that people make mistakes, or perhaps he's been in certain stressful/similar situations before. Who knows, but he didn't seem super upset or disappointed or mad or anything about it. He was actually sort of reassuring and even said later in the course I can still make up for it. But it REALLY bugs me though. I feel so guilty and stupid for doing this and it was just flat out embarrassing too. I worry if he'll think of me as a bad student now or what other kids might think if they noticed what happened. I always try to do my best, I've gotten A's and B's before in school and college so far and never cheated before so I just feel so terrible about this all. I don't know how to feel better about what happened. despite my professor's rather calm approach to what happened and the fact that he reassured me I could still potentially do well in the course later and the fact that it also could've been way worse, I really do fear my professor not trusting me or seeing me as a bad student. I don't know what to do

[sadie_genie]

One day you will look back at this and see how insignificant this incident is. Honestly, your professor has probably came across something like this before or worse. Plus, trust me on this, your professor doesn't care. He is just doing his job when he punished you; its nothing personal.

[Mish]

I think it depends on your intention. When you had your notes out were you planning to cheat on the test? Or they were your study notes that you reviewed before the test which you weren't planning to look at during the test? If the later I think you could argue that this was a case of misunderstanding and no marks should be deducted as a result. Though if you were cheating then you should just take it on the chin and move on.