6 years my senior, intimacy and communication issues

[TallStrong]

Ok so I have a problem. Maybe it's not a problem. Yeah it is. An intimacy issue.

My gf and i have been together for 2 years now. we're best friends and I've never pressured her for sex or anything but hugging and cuddling. I like to cuddle, dunno why. I've had her tell me I'm too needy and I can believe that. She's my first serious relationship ever.

Anyways the issue is we've never had sex but i can wait till she's ready. She is 6 years my senior, I am 27. I am simply not sexually attracted to girls my age, they just don't do anything for me. they can be attractive but not sexy, you know?

Anyways she wants to give me oral sex but I am not allowed to perform on her or have sex together. She tells me she wants my first time to be with a younger woman, someone more my age and then she will be my full-time GF. I don't understand what she means by this and when i press her she acts like my mother and just repeats what she originally said. I love her and i can't imagine my life without her [yeah i guess that's the needy part], as sappy as it sounds. How can i get her to open up to me? Sometimes she treats me like a little boy and other times she's very intimate.

I want her and me to be closer, share our feelings and be honest. She's holding back and I don't know why.

[pisces25]

Perhaps she thinks you will eventually want someone your own age and therefore she wants you to experience this prior to beginning a sexual relationship with her? Sounds like she is trying to protect herself a little.

[HeartIsAching]

At 27 you're still a virgin? Not ridiculing, just clarifying.

I don't know man, sounds like she's got some serious sexual issues. The age gap isn't really tremendous... it's not like you're 17 and she's 23. My wife's 5 years my senior, and aside from teasing her about being "old", it never even comes up in our relationship. It shouldn't in yours, either.

What SHE wants for YOUR sexual experience isn't right. She can decide whether or not she wants to have a sexual relationship, but she does NOT get to decide that you need to have sex with someone else first. That's incredibly controlling.

[Wakeup]

I too think that what she wants you to do is incredibly controlling. At 32 Years of age I find it hard to believe that she's not having sex with you after 2 years of dating. What is her issue and why won't she talk to you about it, I wonder? Red flags fly.

Anyways she wants to give me oral sex but I am not allowed to perform on her or have sex together.

How Bizarre. O.o Have you actually gotten the oral or are you just saying she wants to give it to you but you haven't done that yet either.

(is it spring break or something?)

[TallStrong]

I don't want oral just for it's sake. It's like we're not close, like we're distant.
She said it would be OK if I got screwed by some younger girl and then she said we could be whatever I wanted.

I feel like a science experiment or something.

I could lie to her about getting it on with someone else but I dunno, that seems messed up too.
I waited so long to be in a relationship because I was trying to avoid craziness like what I'm experiencing right now.

We aren't even really close now. I see her every other week, she works lot and I'm a student going for my masters in Kinesiology.
I don't ever text and we never email. I know it's not the relationship I want but I feel I'm really close to getting it. That sounds selfish I know.

[Wakeup]

Why do you feel you're "relly close to getting it?" (it being the relationship you want) It doesn't even sound like a relationship to me.
Sounds more like you're cuddle friends and she's frigid.. Don't get angry, I'm just coming to that conclusion by what you've disclosed.

Do you honestly think this is a healthy relationship, reciprocal and functional? Is what you want someone who won't discuss things with you to a conclusion, won't have a sexual bond with you, wants you to screw another woman, and you only get to hang with the likes of that twice a month?

[miffy]

Agree, it does sound like she has deep issues with her own sexuality. And so do you for that matter, if you're not frustrated over not "getting any" after 2 years of engaging with a woman you're attracted to. You may just be a perfect match on that front. As Wake said, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. She either cannot relate to sexuality at all, or simply isn't attracted to you physically. Either way, you've got a problem on your hands. It's the most natural thing in the world to want to sleep with your partner. As it is, you are not romantic partners, you're partners in misery as far as I see it.

[Amber2011]

Agree, it does sound like she has deep issues with her own sexuality. And so do you for that matter, if you're not frustrated over not "getting any" after 2 years of engaging with a woman you're attracted to. You may just be a perfect match on that front. As Wake said, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship. She either cannot relate to sexuality at all, or simply isn't attracted to you physically. Either way, you've got a problem on your hands. It's the most natural thing in the world to want to sleep with your partner. As it is, you are not romantic partners, you're partners in misery as far as I see it.

Agreed. Sounds like a very destructive relationship to me.

[TallStrong]

Ok thanks for the advice.
Think I should break up with her?

[smackie9]

This is your first real relationship so you have nothing to compare it to. Anyways, this relationship is off. You shouldn't be treated like a little boy but as an equal. And you are right, since you both have known each other for 2 years, she should be able to talk openly to you, but this isn't happening. And lastly she is distant.....this is not a healthy relationship.

You sound like a great guy, I don't think you should be wasting your time on someone like this. You are missing out on how a truly wonderful a relationship can be.

Yes, end this relationship....2 years is a long time to even get to this point.

[Cerby]

Ok thanks for the advice.
Think I should break up with her?

It doesn't sound like she thinks you have a real relationship to break up with. Get out and find someone else. All women are crazy at all ages, so you've waited for nothing.