I love my family friend

[iamnuts]

I am 24 and have been friends with this guy since we were born. Our parents were friends before we were born and his sisters and I are best friends. We all grew up joking that we were cousins and used to go on holiday together. I have never had a boyfriend, probably because I compare everyone to him. He has had one girlfriend. We are both currently single.

We were good friends when we were very young then grew apart a little in the teenage phase and I went through some issues with self confidence and eating problems, which are all cleared up now. Recently we've been hangin out a lot more. I don't live where I am from but I visit regularly through the year. Each time I visit, we meet up, and he asks when I'm back again. We always meet up in the company of others, e.g. our friends, family.We go to gigs with our friends, go out for lunch etc. Lately my friend, him and me were out at the pub and she was after some guy. Then he asked me what I look for a guy. He knows I am looking for a boyfriend and that I see him as my favourite guy friend but he says he doesn't want a girlfriend right now, he wants to focus on finding a job since finishing Uni.

We recently met someone new who asked how we knew eachother and he said we grew up together and we are basically like cousins. I was a bit hurt because I would have just said we are good family friends. We get on so well and he lately has been calling me pet and a few other affectionate names etc, we have a lot in common and he laughs at me a lot and jokes with me. There was recently another guy I was interested in and we were all talking about it and my mates think he looked a bit annoyed, I did notice slight adverse body language. When I am away from home, I contact him and he always writes back but he never initiates the contact, but he doesn't like online chat or text very much and usually rings me to arrange us meeting up rather than replying to my text.

I have liked him for as long as I remember and it just won't go away because I still see him!

Should I tell him? It would be so awkward with the sisters and family if it wasn't returned. Or should I speak to his sister? Should I hint to him rather than tell him? I feel trapped.

[carl1222]

Look, you're 24 and you have your romantic life on hold because of your feelings for your lifelong friend. For your own good, you simply have to tell him how you feel ... even if you don't get the response you want. Even if he shares your feelings, it will be an awkward transition to a romantic relationship from sooo deep in the friend-zone. You absolutely need a direct answer!

[miffy]

It's a double-edged sword. Speaking from personal experience, it can be incredibly rewarding or it just won't work out for the very reason that you know each other so well. I have a life-long friend, we've grown up together since we were babies. Throughout our teenage years, there were always little come-and-go efforts of trying to express our hormonal rages to one another. It was worse around the time we were 18-20. However, what we found as we grew older and our contact more sparse, is that the main reason we were "attracted" to each other in the first place is simply because we were already so close, making intimacy of another kind just seem that much easier and alluring. For us, it didn't work out. We did some silly things when we had too much to drink and regretted it afterwards. She's still my closest female friend, and will always have that place in my life. She knows me like no other woman, and I know her like no other man. We never actually tried, we realized it wouldn't work anyway. But there were plenty of awkward situations, and we talked through them and were able to laugh about them quickly and shrug it off. This is, of course, the great advantage you have when you're already this close.

I would say GO for it. NOW. He's definitely not going to be uninterested. Worst case scenario: you try it out, it doesn't work, and you talk about it and move on, still the life-long close friends that you've always been. I wouldn't be scared of ruining anything. That's really hard to do with that kind of emotional intimacy. But you're just going to suffer over this as long as you don't try it, and will not be fully available for other options that come along. So try it out - it may make you happy, or you'll learn some valuable lessons and be able to move on. In any case, you won't lose him in your life, so all the more power to you.

Best of luck!