Rejection, feeling of guilt, distance

[Axel_EH]

Hi everyone

I'll try to be clear and concise. My English isn't perfect, sorry for the mistakes.

I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 2 years and a half. We met when we were both 20, and since then things have always been pretty nice between us.
Unfortunately, this year, we live in different countries, and things started to change.

We often have arguments because she's not happy with my behavior : I'm too distant, don't send her enough messages and proofs of love. All in all, she thinks I don't love her as much as she does. She's also quite jealous and don't want me to have too much contact with other girls. These problems have always existed, but this year they're just more visible.

I've always told her she shouldn't worry because I would never cheat on her or feel attracted by other girls. I do love her, and I would be totally isolated without her

A few weeks ago I met a girl from the country I live in, and something happened. We saw each other regularly, we spoke a lot, and I started to develop strong feelings for this girl.
As I felt something went wrong, I explained to this girl that we shouldn't carry on meeting because I had feelings for her and this was too embarrassing.
Secretly, I hoped that she said she was interested too, but this did not happen. She said that she understood, and that I should tell her if I changed my mind so that we can go on speaking together regularly. The first reason of our meetings was to do study together

As a consequence, I now feel totally depressed and rejected because I won't see her again, and because my feelings are unrequited. Furthermore, I also feel guilty because I could have cheated on my GF if I had been given the opportunity to do so.

I now try to convince myself that what I feel isn't really love, and I should move on and forget about this girl as soon as possible. But what does it mean ? Does it mean that something is wrong with my Girlfriend ? I don't feel like I want to break up with her neither, but I am obsessed with someone else.

I obviously can't say anything to my girlfriend, and I can't stop thinking of the other girl I became infatuated with. That's torture, because rejection and guilt are not easy to bear with.

[miffy]

First off, you already cheated on your GF - emotionally. That's nothing to be ashamed of, it's part of the problems involved with a LDR.

Now, I don't know if you've looked into options you can take when in an LDR. There are literally hundreds of things you can do to make an LDR easier - from simply communicating regularly to sharing experiences simultaneously, like webcamming on your smartphone while watching the stars, etc...yeah, maybe that'll sound sappy to you, but there are just so many possibilities to feel close to one another, especially with the technology available in today's day and age. It sounds like you haven't really been trying anything along those lines, maybe you should - a simple google search will help you along.

I don't think it means there's anything wrong with your GF, but the fact that you are feeling attracted to other women can mean that you either are not feeling close enough with your GF (do you even visit each other?), or you may be falling out of love. In any case, before doing anything rash, I would suggest to try some new options, visit her or have her come over, and see whether or not your feelings are still strong. If so, you can put your little "event" off to feeling lonely. And you can be proactive about preventing that, as I said.

You may also quite simply be drifting apart. You're at an age where much can change in your life, and sometimes relationships just don't work anymore due to how the two partners have evolved. But you won't know that until you find out. Don't cheat on her, don't do anything foolish, you've spent some years together and it should be worth trying to fight for it. You'll have to find out for yourself, and if you find it not working anymore, communicate it openly and honestly to her.

[Axel_EH]

We communicate a lot by webcam, we see each other every 3 or 4 weeks ... I do try to make it work better

[Wakeup]

Well then perhaps it's time you lived the single life for a while and just dated casually?

You're in school and anyone you meet there is likely going to end up long distance once school ends so either you'll have to end the relationship at graduation or you'll have to be long distance (yet again) or you'll move with one another if you're both willing to move to where the other will be working... seems like too many complication at this point to want to be in another exclusive relationship (to me anyway). You've not even a job lined up yet so why tie yourself down to anyone until you're clear on your future plans?

P.S. Check yourself to make sure you're not feeling it for your long distance gf anymore just because you're lonely and have a crush on this new girl who seems so attractive just because she's there and your gf isnt.

[Axel_EH]

You're right. Starting something new at this point would be useless and painful. Anyway, this new girl focus all my desire right now, and I am perfectly conscious it's not rational at all. Everything tends to prove she's not interested, everything tends to prove it would be detrimental to me to try to date her, but that's how I feel