Could have handled it better?

[Bo]

So last night my bf and I went out drinking everything was good until we left the bar to go back to his friends house and after about 30 mins we decided to leave and his house is only a couple blocks away. Either way we'd both had a fair amount to drink and on the ride home he decided he was going to drive. Mind you, I just got a brand New car and I felt like he was getting a bit close to things when he was driving so I kept saying whoa, careful and so he basically flipped out. I know I was probably being 'naggy' but sometimes I don't feel like he's careful on the road with my car which is why I insist on driving most of the time. And by careful I mean running over Pot holes or objects on the road that could have easily been avoided. And he starts telling me I'm a terribly driver.

So he's gets all pissed off and then tells me I'm a terrible drunk like my dad. WOW. I replied with a **** you. I dont care who you are or what i tell you don't insult my family. So now I'm livid and decide to leave. He texted me on the drive home all angry and I'm still really pissed off this morning. Was I wrong?

[sadie_genie]

It is your car; you should have insisted on driving. That way if there are any damages, there is no one else to blame.

[Wakeup]

I know I was probably being 'naggy' but sometimes I don't feel like he's careful on the road with my car which is why I insist on driving most of the time.

you are'nt very concerned at all if you'd actully let him drive while being under the influence.

Either way we'd both had a fair amount to drink

Yes,, you were definately wrong not to have taken a cab to and from the place you went to get drunk at.

Had you taken a cab the ensuing nagging about his bad drunk driving wouldn't have taken place and none of the verbal abuse would have transpired. Just something to think about before venturing out for a night of drinking in the future.

[Bo]

It is your car; you should have insisted on driving. That way if there are any damages, there is no one else to blame.

Well I said i'd drive, and then he insisted and not wanting to argue or bicker I gave him the keys.

[Bo]

you are'nt very concerned at all if you'd actully let him drive while being under the influence.


Yes,, you were definately wrong not to have taken a cab to and from the place you went to get drunk at.

Had you taken a cab the ensuing nagging about his bad drunk driving wouldn't have taken place and none of the verbal abuse would have transpired. Just something to think about before venturing out for a night of drinking in the future.

Neither of us were anywhere near smashed. We both had a few drinks, he is a lot bigger than me so his tolerance is obviously higher than mine. And the bar, his friends house, and my bf's house are all within a few blocks of each other. I was just telling him to be careful since he insisted on driving.

[Bo]

I don't know, this is just really bugging me and still haven't talked to him since last night. Clearly he doesn't care if i even made it home safe?

[Wakeup]

Neither of us were anywhere near smashed. We both had a few drinks, he is a lot bigger than me so his tolerance is obviously higher than mine. And the bar, his friends house, and my bf's house are all within a few blocks of each other. I was just telling him to be careful since he insisted on driving.

Well, since all you answered to was justification for your actions then I guess I can safely assume that you've not taken into consideration that his piss poor driving skills (according to your observations) were'nt related to the amount of alcohol in his system (as you said:"Either way, we'd both had a fair amount to drink")

Anyway: Seems you want an answer as to whether or not you were wrong to tell him to **** off for calling you drunk. I would say that two wrongs don't make a right so both of you are wrong.

I do wonder how knowing whether we think you were right or wrong helps you? What purpose will knowing that serve for you?

[Bo]

Well, since all you answered to was justification for your actions then I guess I can safely assume that you've not taken into consideration that his piss poor driving skills (according to your observations) were'nt related to the amount of alcohol in his system (as you said:"Either way, we'd both had a fair amount to drink")

Anyway: Seems you want an answer as to whether or not you were wrong to tell him to **** off for calling you drunk. I would say that two wrongs don't make a right so both of you are wrong.

I do wonder how knowing whether we think you were right or wrong helps you? What purpose will knowing that serve for you?

No actually, it is what it is I'm not wondering about whether or not it was wrong of us to drive home. What I am wondering about is if I was wrong for saying "**** you" to him because he insulted my dad. The whole situation blew up the second he said that. And i'm wondering where he gets off thinking it's ok for him to say something like that after having a couple of drinks or not.

[Bo]

No matter what situation we were in, I'd never in a million years think to insult his parents or any member of his family period.

[Bo]

Am i overreacting to what he said? I guess that's what i'm getting at.

[Wakeup]

Yes you would if you felt strongly enough about what they did, or didn't do. Sadly, it's human nature.

Are you over-reacting? I don't know because it's not my situation. I will say that I'd likly be offended but I'd not carry it out for days going no contact and be all up in arms because he wasn't falling all over himself to apologize. I would however discuss how it hurt me and ask him not to do it again and after that if he did, well then I'd know who he was and I'd likely leave before I got anymore embroiled with him and is inconsideration.

You can't for sure resolve anything without talking to one another and communicating your feelings.

That being said, IMO You both were totally wrong to drive home if you had had more than one. The police would agree with me.

And i'm wondering where he gets off thinking it's ok for him to say something like that after having a couple of drinks or not.

You need to ask him why he thought/thinks such a thing. Perhaps he'll give you a good reason and perhaps he'll have just been trying to get under your skin. In any event.. you both were verbally abusive to one another.

[Bo]

It's one thing to insult me, it's another to insult my family....and he justified it by saying that he's just pointing out the "obvious"? Personally I think it's really ****ed up what he said and we would have ended the night just fine if he had not said that.

[Bo]

Yes you would if you felt strongly enough about what they did, or didn't do. Sadly, it's human nature.

I wouldn't, and he gets along great with my parents. So I'm really thrown off by what he said. Now I feel like he doesn't respect my parents or me and my family.

[Bo]

Yes you would if you felt strongly enough about what they did, or didn't do. Sadly, it's human nature.

Are you over-reacting? I don't know because it's not my situation. I will say that I'd likly be offended but I'd not carry it out for days going no contact and be all up in arms because he wasn't falling all over himself to apologize. I would however discuss how it hurt me and ask him not to do it again and after that if he did, well then I'd know who he was and I'd likely leave before I got anymore embroiled with him and is inconsideration.

You can't for sure resolve anything without talking to one another and communicating your feelings.

That being said, IMO You both were totally wrong to drive home if you had had more than one. The police would agree with me.

You need to ask him why he thought/thinks such a thing. Perhaps he'll give you a good reason and perhaps he'll have just been trying to get under your skin. In any event.. you both were verbally abusive to one another.

I think I could have omitted the "**** you" part, I was really angry at the moment and shocked. And if he doesn't understand what he said was really messed up in a lot of ways I don't know what I'm gonna do with myself. We've been together almost 3 years now and he's never said anything like before.

[Bo]

I've already apologized for nagging. Haven't heard a thing back. I told him I don't know how he could think that insulting my family is somehow ok.