Break Up

[sushitown]

Hey All,

Instead of posting on a blog or privately, I want to share you my experience.

A little about me, I'm 23 years old, currently in college and about to finish school. I dated this girl, lets call her 'Elise', for over a year. Before that, we were friends for a year and I met her through our work place. A little bit about her, shes myage, and has had a bad relationship in the past, where trust was broken. She couldn't go into a relationship without being insecure and afraid of getting hurt. Before we officially dated, we would always hang out and enjoy each others company. She told me, its been quite some time she has felt such at ease with someone. I also saw another girl for about a month, but that never sparked as it did with Elise. Elise eventually found out I was seeing the other girl as well, and was quite hurt. I felt miserable and knew I should've told her about the other girl, since I was serious with Elise and saw us going further than being just friends. We talked it over, and I made a promise I would never hurt her again.

Eventually, we end up dating for a year, best year of my life. We did everything together, we were inseparable. We always thought that the times we spent together may be a bit too much, but we just couldn't resist each other. We talked about our future, about marriage, adopting, moving in together. We both fell in love with each other.

In December '11, I went to a Vegas trip with my aunt and her friends. I met the girl, lets call her 'Kylie', who I haven't seen in 9 years. We talked and had our laughs. Fast forward a bit, I came back from my trip and continue to text Kylie. I even asked her to go on a date, and retexted saying we should hang out. Elise eventually had a suspicion, and went through my phone and read all my texts. She felt betrayed after reading the texts I had sent to Kylie. I could understand from her perspective, she has given me a chance to not mess up, and I end up screwing it up anyways. She broke it off with me, and we eventually got back again a week later.

We never talked about it for a month, and I assumed everything would be fine, since we have to look forward and not back. We went back to being our usual self. I would text Elise all the time about how much she means to me, we spent Valentines day together just in bed, enjoying each others company.

Now, 2 weeks ago, we have officially broke up. Right before the break up, I broke down, I did all the idiotic things any person would do, pleading, asking for another chance, etc. I was just confuse how come now, why didn't you break up with me back then, why 1 month later. We talked about it, when I was more level. She said she was ignoring the problem and now when she thinks about it, it upsets her. She has told all her friends, and they dislike me, which reinforces her to think our relationship will never work. She told me, she wished she could hang out with me and her friends together. Instead she has to hide from her friends when we hang out. It was strange, we laid in bed together as she told me this, and I held her in my arms. A few days later, I wanted to try and work things out, but she was more distant, she felt 'uncomfortable'. She said she doesn't think it will work between us, and if I came to get an answer, the answer is no. I asked her if she thinks there will be a chance in the near future, and she said she 'doesn't know'. Don't push it.

I've been trying to accept everything, that I ruined our relationships through this. There has been ups and downs in my days. Just trying to move on day by day. I miss her dearly. I had a past relationship which I never gave the girl space, and it back fired since it didn't help when we got back together. With this, I want to give her the needed space. I know my chances are slim, since trust is the biggest factor in a relationship, and I damaged that, not once but twice. They say action speaks louder than words. I want to start off as friends again, and work at things slowly. I have texted her every now and then, asking how shes doing, and she would text back. I'm just happy she texts back and sometimes answer my call. I don't think much of it, because that gives a sense of false hope. If we were to get back together, I want it to be a better and new relationship. I believe the no contact is silly, and it doesn't solve anything. If you truly love someone, you have to work at it, not run away from the problems. What do you all think the best solution may be?

Whoever reads this, thanks, and thanks for putting your thoughts on here, positive or negative. All is welcome.

-Andrew