Hey, I am a complete novice to these things and I'm only giving this a go because I'm feeling desperate. A friend of mine who is way older than me got to know me about a couple of hers ago. He was very nice to me and we became fast friends. But he started saying things that scared me because it sounded like we were in a relationship. I have no feelings at all for him and I didn't know what to do. I started calling him brother and he reacted very strongly to it. At the moment, he has cut all contact with me and it hurts me to have to do this to him but I don't know what else to do. I don't even know If he likes me but he sure acts like it. I don't want to crush him..
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Thread: Somebody please help me
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13-03-12, 11:00 PM #1
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Somebody please help me
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13-03-12, 11:26 PM #2
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it seems you already have crushed him.. what do you want now, it seems like it's all done between you 2...
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14-03-12, 01:08 PM #3
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Grow a pair of balls and tell him how you feel. Stop leading a man on if you are not interested. Just break the news to him now before you drive him mad.
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14-03-12, 05:04 PM #4
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He probably developed feelings for you and thinks you do not like him, which is indeed the case. It is one of these scenarios where mutual affection doesn't begin. Or he thinks you like him and is playing hard on him. Both of these can hurt. If the former is the case, then he is just looking for a girlfriend and doesn't want to waste time on you. If It's the latter that is true, (what he thinks, that is) then he feels he is being rejected or hated.
Either way, make it clear how you feel for him and that you do not want to hurt him, it might soothe him a bit if he is hurt.Pressurized monkeys
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14-03-12, 05:37 PM #5
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Sounds to me as if you both used passive-aggressive behavior in lieu of communication, and it's blown up in both your faces. That sucks, but it wasn't any more your fault than it was his.
Originally Posted by Heavyheart
There's a lesson to be learned in this:
Learn to communicate. Seriously. Start with [URL="http://www.humanpotentialcenter.org/Articles/IStatements.html"]I Statements[/URL].
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19-03-12, 10:44 PM #6
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You guys are all right. I did crush him.. So much has happened between us since I last posted. He gave me a gift all handmade and awesome. I told him we need to talk.. But he din want to. He went right back to normal. He's being all confusing now
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20-03-12, 12:07 AM #7
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I've had a similar situation about 3 years ago. I became friends with a guy pretty quickly to the point where we would share pretty personal things with each other that only close friends knew about given who he is....we we basically complete strangers to each other. He is 4 yrs older than me and at the time I was 20 years old and he had a serious girlfriend of almost 10 years. We stayed up talking to each other for 10 hours at a time.... Then about 9 months later he dropped a huge bomb on me out of nowhere. He told me I was the love of his life and he wished he could be the one to make me happy for a very long time. I didn't know what to say to that so I brushed it off since we never physically met. He had told multiple guys he was friends with the same thing even though he has a girlfriend. We talked for a little while after that and eventually stopped talking all together. I never told him the truth about how I felt because I'm not one of those people who likes to admit it. I regret it now not having done it. I caught him after a game one night... We didn't speak but when he looked at me the corner of his mouth curled up into a smile before getting on the bus. Albeit, you don't actually have feelings for your friend, but its still hard being cut out of someone's life for those reasons. I'm sure given enough time he will come around....maybe you can let him know that you don't want to hurt him and still want to remain friends...all you can do is try! Good luck!
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20-03-12, 01:02 AM #8
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Many guys are mostly sensitive to these things, if a girl doesn't like them. So mostly, there is no way you can avoid hurting his feelings. He will just have to deal with it like an adult.
The worst thing you could do is string him along, and act like you want to date him, but you don't.I have a long time interest in psychology, specializing in relationship dynamics for 30 years.
(Please note, we give the best advice we can based on the information given in a post. For better advice, please include the age of all romantic partners.)
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20-03-12, 02:33 PM #9
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The worst thing you could do is lead him on and then suddenly back out because you are scared. That will just hurt him a lot and he will probably not talk to you after that unless he is very close to you or he really wants you. If this guy is really important to you, then just let him down easy and say that you guys can still talk normally avoiding all topics about dating. If you think that this guy could actually be a great bf, then why dont you see where it goes. But ONLY do that if you are very sure that he is a great guy. Or else he will just end up getting hurt more.
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22-03-12, 01:26 AM #10
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This. Backing our for any reason will really hurt him. But it's better to break it off earlier than later. The longer you wait, to more he will get hurt. Originally Posted by aadharshd
I have a long time interest in psychology, specializing in relationship dynamics for 30 years.
(Please note, we give the best advice we can based on the information given in a post. For better advice, please include the age of all romantic partners.)
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22-03-12, 07:44 AM #11
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You see, I never saw him that way. He is waaaay older than me(more than five years) and it is true that we were great friends and he was my support system and I told him practically everything. But I was never looking for a boyfriend and I've told him a much. The moment I suspected anth of what he was feeling I started calling him bro and he hated it but at least I got the message across. I'm not trying to defend myself Originally Posted by aadharshd
at this point in time, I've come to realise we will never be friends again but it hurts so much.
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22-03-12, 07:48 AM #12
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I'm afraid he will come across this thread. Sigh. My friendship with him zero now.. He told me he won't ever contact me gain and he even deleted me off Facebook. He makes me feel like I did some grave error but I know deep down, I didn't do anything.
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22-03-12, 07:55 AM #13
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Why do I get the feeling that you might be asian? Anyway, I think that he really does like you, but by putting up the "bro" barrier, you've given him the feeling of awkwardness of being with you since there really isn't much he can do to work around that. Not unless he's got balls of steel which I don't think he does. That makes things really difficult for him. There are two things (which I doubt will ever happen) that will fix this. Either you try opening up your heart to him (which seems impossible) or wait for him to accept that fact and hopefully move on with his life (which will only happen if he starts to like someone else).
He who laughs last, thinks the slowest
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22-03-12, 08:09 AM #14
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What hurts is that he is no longer giving you his attention. But that's how it goes: guys who want a romantic relationship with you will give you attention and gifts. Calling him 'brother' is like hacking off his penis with a butter knife.
If you don't return his feelings, cut him loose. That is, stop trying to be his 'friend'. If he feels he needs to back off from your 'friendship' (its not, btw, not for him anyway), then let him go. Don't drag him through the muck, poor guy. Find a source of admiration and attention someplace else.Second thoughts can generally be amended with judicious action; injudicious actions can seldom be recovered with second thoughts.
--Cyteen by C.J.Cherryh
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22-03-12, 09:02 AM #15
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Haha hmmm are you saying that because of the typos? Yeah well sorry haha. I was using my Hp to type. Yeah I suppose the only way this will ever repair itself is with time. Hopefully he will forgive me one day Originally Posted by nerdy_guy
