Knowing It's Right - Eliminating Doubt

[cnfzd]

Hello everybody,

I know many before me have faced this problem, and that I am the only one who can truly come up with the answer... but I would like your thoughts and opinions anyway.

I'll share just a little bit about myself: early 20s and not yet established a career, uncertain of where I will end up, not looking for crazy experiences but expected more 'sampling' before settling.

I am half a year into my relationship with a wonderful girl. I love her (in a way that no matter what happens I will always want a good life for her), I enjoy being with her, when we do 'fight,' we don't lose respect for each other, she loves me to death, and we're compatible in the most important ways (the kind that matter for the long haul).

However, there are things that cause me to doubt whether I want to commit to her. What's horrible is that these things are superficial or blown out of proportion. And I tell myself it's ridiculous and unfair to her that I'm even having these thoughts. At the same time, I think it's rational to consider everything before making the biggest commitment. And as is not uncommon, I'm attracted to other girls and sometimes feel I'm missing out. As much as I love her, I always imagined myself with somebody a bit different (before meeting her).

On top of all this is the feeling that, if it were meant to be there wouldn't be any of this doubt and I would want to be with her forever with all my heart.



Our relationship really has been great though (aside from my stupid unfaithful thoughts), and I really just want it to feel right and perfect. I know we're still very early in the relationship and I'm not going to rush anything, however I feel that it really doesn't take that long to figure out if you're with the right person. I know she would be a wonderful and devoted wife, and I would always love her.

I would appreciate opinions, advice, and criticism. I think I have laid out my true feelings..

Thanks

[HeartIsAching]

Then don't.

I mean that. If you can't go into a union with nothing in your heart but joy, then it's almost certainly the wrong one. Don't stay out of a sense of obligation, don't stay to save money already spent on preparations, don't stay to keep from hurting feelings, because if it's wrong, then in the end the money will have been spent, the feeling will have been hurt, and you'll have wasted a whole lot of time on top of that.

So don't.

Frankly, six months isn't enough time, and early 20's is too young. Give it 5 years or more. See how it goes. If you break up, then it wasn't right.

[miffy]

Yep, way too early to be thinking about "the big one". You're already wondering about other women, which is quite natural but as you said, shouldn't really figure in the picture. Give it more time, and chill a bit. You may want some off-time or it may not turn out to be the "one" after all. You're fretting way too much.