Dad's possibly cheating on Mom again

[Hombre]

About a year or two ago, my mom caught my dad cheating with some chick in China through photos/phone records/Western Union cash disbursements. She reacted basically by being spiteful. Psychologically, I think it was very unhealthy. She's already skinny and lost more weight. She was tripping balls and had me look at phone records and other pointless stuff for her. I suggested a divorce to start fresh. She refused so my dad could not marry the girl from China, and probably for financial reasons as well. They've been married a long time. Eventually she forgave him. I just received a phone bill for my dad for 4 other wireless numbers. He's in China because grandma is ill, so I thought it be ok to look at his mail for him. I am assuming the other numbers are for making calls to that chick in China. He already has a cell phone and there would be no other reason for him to get 4 other ones. It'll take around a week for AT&T to send the reset password so I can actually see who he called. Should I tell my mom about this or keep quiet? I am leaning towards keeping quiet. Even if she knows, she won't make any constructive changes and just be pissed off about things out of her control again.

[surfhb]

None of your business

[bcgirl]

are you chinese?

Anyways..... your parents shouldn't have put you through this in the first place. It's their issue/marriage to resolve and you shouldn't be stuck in the middle. Yes, it is wrong for your dad to be cheating. Yes, your parents should get a divorce. But what the hell are you supposed to do about it? Become a therapist for your own parents? Maybe you should leave the phone bill on the kitchen counter for your mom to stumble upon and hopefully then that will push her to get a divorce. Your parents need a divorce, plain and simple. You, your mom, your dad would all be happier that way. I'm sure your dad has his reasons for cheating....perhaps your mom is a nagging b****

[thiudiskr]

My advice is to stay out of it. Stay completely out of it. It's not your business and it's not your fault.

[vashti]

Women involved in long-term marriages sometimes choose to overlook extramarital shenanigans for the sake of family unity. Your mom already KNOWS what she is married to, and she has decided to overlook it, and until you have been married for as long as they have, it will be hard for you to fully understand where she is coming from. For that reason, I suggest you stay out of it. Ignorance sometimes really IS bliss.

[Hombre]

I am Chinese, thanks guys this helps a lot. I'll just stay out of this BS.

[bcgirl]

I am Chinese, thanks guys this helps a lot. I'll just stay out of this BS.

the reason why i asked is because traditional asians tend to try to "save face" for the sake of family than get a divorce. I agree with Vashi, sometimes after such a long time of marriage.... wives will just overlook the affair. Yes, she is jealous and mad...who would'nt be? But she has decided to just live with it and close her eyes and look the other way.

[Wot2do]

Thats a hard one and I will tell you what you should do, exactly. First confirm your suspicions or allay them. If the evidence suggests that he is then keep the evidence after you have cross referenced it properly and it is organised then get your mum to go to counselling before you show her. Take the evidence with you and tell her or just explain it all to her with the counsellor. If he is cheating it is ultimately up to your mum to decide if she will stay with him or not. Despite previous experience though you cannot conclude fully by yourself even if the evidence is overwhelming that he is cheating. Its up to your mum. Also let the counselling service you make an appointment with know the nature of the visit. You would say something like I am worried for my mum because my dad had an affair, its likely that its happening again and I would like to make an appointment for my mother and I. There is always the possibility too that your mum may already have an idea he is. Another way to address it is to ask your mum about your dad in China e.g. how long will he be there, does he call you, can I talk to him etc (but dont question him about it ok ) you may even ask your mum after you have bought up the conversation about your dad in China if she has considered the possibility that there could be a remote chance that he is acting up again? Its a gentle way of bringing it up, you maybe suprised and she tells you that she has already thought of it. Unless she asks though dont show her the bills etc unless its with a counsellor, trust me on that ok.

[Wot2do]

This kid asks for advice and you call his own mother a nagging b.i.t.c/h, dont be feral