Is it hopeful or hopeless?

[headoverheals]

Hi All, thanks in advance for reading this story and offering any words of wisdom or advice:
About a year ago my fiance and I separated. Right before our break up I had met someone through work ( he was a client and when I say "met" him I mean as a working relationship). Because of the nature of my job I learned about him as a person and we actually became good friends(he is no longer a client, fyi). We bonded as friends on several levels but we were also able to help each other during break ups. It justso happened that at the time he was going through a break up with a very long term girlfriend.

I am trying to not make this saga terribly long so I'll try to sum up the last year as far as our friendship has gone. Literally a day has never gone by that he has not called me(one or more times), or texted, or we haven't chatted online literally all day. There is certainly chemistry between us because we also have that fun, flirty interaction going and yes, we have been physically involved pretty regularly for quite sometime. We have so much in common and we've relied on each other for help and guidance through a lot of issues and in one year I feel like we've gotten to know each other as well as two people who have been dating for a few years.

Now, I am someone who has no problem speaking my mind. Luckily he is very patient because he has been more than willing to have "the talk" with me on multiple occassions. I told him a long time ago that I had feelings for him and was thinking he felt the same way. Way back in the beginning ( and before we got so close) he was not interested simply because he had just gotten out of a relationship and I understand that. Too much hurt and feelings were still bubbling. Then, later on that summer there was a night that he said that he was not ready for a relationship but enjoyed my company and that was followed by a kiss. A wonderful kiss that was not a precursor to sex or fooling around of any kind. During that time I felt as though he was confused.

As time went on we got closer and closer. He was/is living with his sister and she and I have become best friends. One thing led to another and they invited me to come live with them for the remainder of their lease as my apartment rent was too much by myself and I was lonely. I am currently still living with them. He and I are still physically involved and if anything we are now enjoying doing the everyday things together as well (it just keeps getting better). But as the time has gone on I feel more and more confused about where he and I may or may not be headed. When we talk about things now, he is not interested in a relationship and gives very solid reasoning. First of all after being in two very long term relationships that ended badly he has a wall up. He owns his own business that he is still trying to grow and feels that he needs to take some time to really just devote himself to work. Lastly, he wants to just enjoy freedom. He is not the kind of guy to go out and fool around but he wants to be able to experience living on his own because he hasn't ever really had that. He also needs to actually cut ties with his ex(something I would demand before every getting serious). Her story is a long one in itself but they really broke up not on bad terms. I suppose they grew into two different people with different wants out of life. She also has some chemical imbalances and problems that affect her greatly. They have a dog together and he thinks of that dog as a child and had a really hard time leaving him. The two of them have remained pretty civil. When she goes out of town, their dog stays with us. There have been a few times that she has had problems and he has helped her out. Of course it makes me jealous and I don't understand it but I try to. There just aren't a lot of hard feelings between them. He does realize that if he were to date or she were to start dating they would need to cut ties because then it just gets weird but he put it to me this way. "Right now I am in no mind frame to think about a relationship so I haven't made that call to cut ties. It is something I think about though." Fortunately for me, she is moving away in a couple of weeks. Even if she wasn't though, I don't see them getting back together. It's more that I just don't see him moving on and dating again until he does cut ties.

Although this is what he "says" the feeling I get is that there is a spark there between us. Many times we have talked and we've tried to set boundries so as to not make things confusing but somehow we never stick to it. I guess we just go back to what feels natural or comfortable. The most recent confusion came in these last couple of nights. His dad is staying with us so he has been sleeping on the couch with me (it's a big sectional). My head lays up next to his feet and the past couple of nights when one of the dogs or a storm as it was the other night woke us both half up, he all of a sudden starts to gently rub my arm and has made no fuss with me cuddling with his legs all night. There are just so many things like this that go on between us and literally everyone we know has asked at some point if we are dating because we put off that vibe.

At the end of May our lease is up and his sister and I will be getting out own place. I am really hopeful that moving out and not being there all the time will make him realize something. I know he says he wants to experience living on his own but he is a person who likes having someone around and in the end wants to be married and have kids. He is 10 years my senior so he needs to move on and start dating to make those dreams a reality.

I'd like to have some advice or your opinion about what to expect..Please feel free to ask me any questions. I'd be happy to answer and even though this post was long, I left out a lot of details.

[smackie9]

Guys are pretty black and white in what they want....and he knows what he wants and what he said it just that, there is no may maybe not. All you were to him was someone to help him heal, and he felt he served that purpose for you too. He isn't looking to have a relationship with you dispite how you feel about him. He is greatful you were there for him, and will want to continue just as friends.

[headoverheals]

Guys are pretty black and white in what they want....and he knows what he wants and what he said it just that, there is no may maybe not. All you were to him was someone to help him heal, and he felt he served that purpose for you too. He isn't looking to have a relationship with you dispite how you feel about him. He is greatful you were there for him, and will want to continue just as friends.

He has always been honest and I have asked him if he has thought about "us" and he says that he has. Right now though he is not in a place mentally to think about a relationship. He cannot tell me if me holding on is a positive or negative thing because he is not sure when he will be ready for a relationship. He has told me that I never know. Maybe living on his own will not be all it's cracked up to be but he won't know until he tries.

I feel in my heart that once he does feel ready, I am the one he will come to. What I am having a hard time with now is figuring out is how I am supposed to "be". There is a part of me that feels like if I continue to be as close as I am it will not help him to figure anything out but I've tried to pull away and I cannot. Part of that is my fault and part of that is him not changing the way he acts either.

There is a part of me who thinks that maybe everything will become clear when we are not living together. Then suddenly the one person he spends most of his time with and enjoys many things with won't always be around.

[smackie9]

Ya but that just turns into a dependency, not a relationship.