I Need Some Way Overdue Advice

[ch4]

I'm in love with a girl that has no interest in me once so ever.

First off, a little about myself. I like to think of myself as a fairly attractive guy. I'm young still, 22. I have absolutely no problem once so ever picking up women. None. I'm not trying to sound like "one of those guys" when I say this, but I seriously have 4-5 in my opinion very attractive girls calling or texting me regularly asking to hang out but I just can't do it because of this girl im in love with. I've tried hanging out with them, too, it just doesn't feel right.

I met this girl about 4 years ago and she is my good friends' sister. We're not so much good friends anymore as he has moved and we don't talk much so he isn't a factor in this at all really. But anyways. Went to his house for the first time and she was there. We made eye contact and had sort of a "connection" if you will right then and there. We didn't really speak a whole lot for that first year or so as she had a boyfriend at the time and she wasn't really around much. She started coming around more and more though after all that and kind of became "one of the guys". Over the next year or so, I really got to know her quite well. We would hang out all the time, literally, but just as "friends". Yes, went straight to the friend zone. Since the day I met her I've had feelings for her, and I'm pretty sure she knows that. I didn't want to mess our friendship up but I felt like I couldn't go on any longer hiding everything so I finally told her in a nutshell how I felt. That worked great (or so I thought). We hung out just about everyday for a week straight, and then she just wouldn't text me back. I sent her a text, "You just don't have the feelings for me, do you?". Of course she replied with a "No", but she apologized and said she still wanted to be friends. After that, the friendship just wasn't the same of course. We talked less and less but something changed one day and we just started talking and hanging out as friends again. That was in the summer of 2010.

Even after she told me she didn't feel the same, I still did. I thought about it everyday. She was the only thing on my mind alot of the time. Its now 2 years after all that, and thats still the case. We hung out and talked regularly up until Fall of 2011. She was talking to a guy which is a complete dirtbag. Has no job, has everything handed to him, smokes weed 24/7, etc.. He treated her like absolute shit. Cheated on her and like never talked to her, but she still stuck around and complained about him all the time. She was always in a bad mood. I tried giving her advice, but she just wouldn't take it. After all that she STILL talked to him. One night after a party we were all at, I went home and started to write a text. I was so pissed off at how he treated her this night that I just had to say something to her about it. I basically told her she's better than that, he doesn't deserve you, etc.. For once she actually listened and quit talking to him, but wasn't anywhere near over him. She would post things on Facebook about how she can't find a guy, blah blah blah, everyday. I finally told her one night how I felt (yes, again) and she told me she liked me but needed to be over him completely before she moved on. Yeah, whatever. Waited about a week and basically said "Look, this is how I feel about you, I could be everything that you ever wanted if you'd just give me a chance, if you don't feel the same then I can't be around you because your all I think about and I'm getting nowhere with it. It's killing me inside"

That blew up in my face completely. She said "I just don't have those same mutual feelings for you", and my heart just sank. I deleted her off Facebook so I couldn't see all this stuff about how she couldn't find a guy and all that nonsense. We didn't talk at all for probably 5-6 months. Even after all that, she was still all I could think about. Night and day, she's on my mind. We didn't speak until February of this year and when we did, it was so weird because things just seemed to be normal. No awkwardness once so ever. We've been talking and hanging out regularly again. I've tried talking to other girls and up until two days ago was going somewhat steady with one that I really liked until she said "I don't know how to say this but I'm with someone else". But that's a whole different story, I can get over that no problem. Even when I was with the new girl, all I could think about was the same one i've been thinking about for the past 4 years.

Here's what I want to know: What do I do about all this? The feelings obviously aren't going away. Do I sit down and talk to her about it logically and explain how I feel? Will I sound like some kind of creeper if I do that? I would just really like some advice on how I should go about this. The only way I see out of it is to get every last thing off my chest and tell her but I'm afraid to do so still yet.

[nerdy_guy]

It's quite obvious that you're going nowhere with her, its better off you break contact with her, there's really not much that went on with the both of you anyway so there's really no history to think about. If I were you, I'd be grateful that someone liked you enough to go out with you, and the best thing you could repay her is to focus on her instead of thinking about "what might have been" with the other girl.

[ch4]

First of all thank you for the fast response.

Say I was just going to try to forget about it all together. If that was the case, what would the harm be in trying one last time by sitting down and explaining myself to her?

The girl I was with told me that she found someone else. That was 100% her decision. Things were seriously going great until she told me that out of the blue

[runnersva1]

You and I are facing the same pain, but I've been dealing with it for about eight years. I'm almost sixteen, but I'm an old sixteen because of the way I grew up. I was forced to raise my self because I grew up without a dad and a single mom who always worked.

So basically, when I fell in love with a guy who I ACTUALLY TRUSTED at such a young age and grew up with him to present-day, I couldn't let him go..ever. He knew I liked him, and now he's finally interested in me BUT he is only interested in me when it's good for him.

You need to tell her that she's hurting you. That sounds so harsh, but before you feel so upset and lost that you don't know what to do anymore, you NEED to tell her you're in love with her. Tell her exactly what you love about her. Be a romantic. Win her over. Do everything in your power to convey your exact feelings for her. She needs to know.

Don't hold anything back.

Life is too short to keep your feelings to yourself. It doesn't matter if you sound "creepy". You've known her long enough to have developed the feelings you have, so you've known her long enough to tell her how you feel.

Good luck, and please tell me how it goes. I wish you the best!

[ch4]

Well im glad I can talk to somebody who is going through the same thing I am.

The last time I spilled my heart to her I asked her if we could just sit down and talk about things and she replied with "I don't see why we couldn't, were both adults" but I just never got the courage to do it. I'm just at the point to where I can't take it anymore and have to do something so I guess that's what's going to happen.

It just bothers me because I don't really know how to go about it but at the same time there's only one way to. I guess it can go extremely great and she'll finally see the side of me I've been trying to show her or it will go horribly wrong and I'll never see her again. It sounds so bad but if I can't have her, then I'd rather not be around her anymore because it drives me crazy.

[searock]

What else do you need to tell her that you haven't already? You confessed your feelings to her more than once, and she ALWAYS rejected you. She has never lead you on, she has always been honest and a good friend. Don't make things even worse for yourself, do yourself a favor and move on once and for all. She will never feel that way about you. You need to accept this in order to move on. If you aren't able to move on while she's around, then go strictly no contact with her. Tell her that being around her is too painful right now because of the feelings you have for her, so you need to go no contact. She'll understand. Remember, that's all you have to say to her, nothing else.

[BETTERFLIRT]

All of those answers are great specially the runersva1 because being in the same quite situation she has experience in telling you how to work on it. Now what I want to add are to be honest with you not things you do not know but only may failed in attemping to apply them. Guy you must know the univers of FLIRTING with a girl. Many people do not succeed by the fact of not knowing how to dominate a relationship during the interchange. Principles matters in making a girl fall in love with you. For this you have to know them to get a best result.
1, To not generalize it girls do not like people to love them a lot. When showing too much appreciations to them they grimmace you.
2, Confidence in talking may be a great interest. If you sound greeny she may see in you someone having not maturity to be her BF.
3, There is no way you can make she forgets her ex than letting things happen naturally. More you focus on the other boy more she will find excuses to love him and give you up. Period. There is no other way. Do not talk about him anymore
4, What you feel is it really love, appreciation or just the effect of feeling rejected by her for not accepting to relationalize herself with you? You want to go on and never give up, right? You may not understand the last part or do not want to take it as important but I know what i am saying to you. I do not mean you can not really love her nonetheless I want you to know not everything we feel inside our heart wants to say love even long can it last.
To now answer to your question I want always stay sincere with you but do not want etheir to bother you in my view point. Only you can make a decision regardless of what people say about. If you have courage enough to give up do it by your way, if not keep adventuring you but both require maturity in acting according to your expectation.
I do not know where till this can be helpful but anyways, here is a link to a free E-course theartofbettercourting.webscom treating such cases that you could make a look on to find more help. If you need more tips let me know by a signal.

[HeartIsAching]

You're in the friend zone - you'll never get out. Explaining yourself to her "better" won't accomplish anything except to show her that you believe she's incapable of making a decision by herself, thereby driving her further away.

Your best bet is to cut your losses and walk away.

[Salubrious]

Girls don't like guys that are too emotional it comes off wimpy. (NO OFFENSE) Women ache for a man who takes control, is macho but, not so macho he is a pig. If she is just not into you their is not much you can do but, move on or get a Voodoo doll of her & make her want you. So, I'd just accidentally bump into her be non chalant, act like you don't give a damn, hook up with a cute girl make sure she sees (I'd re-friend her) so, you can post all kinds of cute "happy go lucky" pics of you and the new girl (be sure to not lead on new girl, let her know you're in it for "fun" only) so, not to hurt someone in the process. Their is nothing like seeing a dude you really were not into hooked up with a really cute girl and thinking "hmmm wonder what she sees in him" Take a few months doing this, being a little cocky but, not jerklike. And when the time is right message her with something no committing like "Hey whats up long time no see" balls in her court, just don't kill it by getting "chick like"

[runnersva1]

It depends on the girl, actually. In my situation, I WISH Jack would show more emotion. So like I said before, lay your cards out on the table and tell her EXACTLY how you feel. Don't leave anything out. If she doesn't accept all of you, then she doesn't deserve you.

And as you said in the beginning, you're still young. So maybe if it doesn't work out, you can do some traveling to clear your head? That's my recommendation. But if she does accept you, never let her go..ever. Love is a powerful thing. If you feel it, go with it.

Best wishes to you and ALL of you who are confused/ suffering from a love dilemma. Believe me, I know the feeling.

[searock]

It depends on the girl, actually. In my situation, I WISH Jack would show more emotion.

You realize you're kind of proving the opposite point? You feel like your crush doesn't express his emotions, and you are smitten over him. Perhaps if he was more of the mushy-lovey-dovey type, you wouldn't be as head over heels over him.

I'm a girl btw, in a happy relationship, and I love it when my bf shows his emotions to me. He is my best friend, we confide in each other. But I'd like to stress the fact that *we are in a relationship*. If a guy I've never had anything even just flirtatious with, and whom I have ALREADY rejected several times, started pouring out his heart to me, I'd be positively creeped out. At best, it would get awkward as hell, if he were a good friend of mine. And it would ruin the friendship for good.

So like I said before, lay your cards out on the table and tell her EXACTLY how you feel. Don't leave anything out.

This is like, the last thing you want to do, for your own dignity. It's completely useless, since she already knows how you feel about her. The more you tell her, the worse you'll feel when she rejects you yet again.

If she doesn't accept all of you, then she doesn't deserve you.

She already rejected him several times. It's just not gonna happen, OP. You need to accept this, and move on.