I broke up with him 5 years ago but i'm still in love HELP

[clementine]

I was with this boy for 2&1/2 years and suddenly broke-up with him because what I saw I thought was better. I was 17, young and stupid.
I've only been with 2 people since this breakup and both long term. I am happy now but I'm still in love with this boy and would give anything to be back with him.
We spoke for the 1st time in 5 years the other day and i realised how much i miss him. i texted him saying how sorry i was but he said i just have to live with the decision.
he was my first love, i lost my virginity to him. The relationship was perfect.
I feel so lost and sad..help.. what do i do?

[HeartIsAching]

he said i just have to live with the decision.

The relationship was perfect.

I feel so lost and sad..help.. what do i do?

This is what you should do.

The relationship was not perfect. If it were perfect, you'd have not dumped him for someone you thought was better.

[clementine]

he wasn't the best looking of people. being 17, young and stupid, i chose the other guy because of his looks. the relationship was perfect.

[kelsfromindy]

Unfortunately sometimes you have to lie in your bed when you make it. I don't mean to come off as cold, but he has every right to make you live with your decision. Imagine how he felt when you dumped him because you had someone better looking? Had to hurt him. He may still love you and things may work out, but I don't think he will ever forget that. On the other hand, perhaps you can sit him down and explain to him how you feel. But be completely honest. Maybe he will forgive

[boots8908]

The same exact thing happened to me. My relationship was also 5 years ago when I was 17. Mine didn't last as long as yours, but we were best friends before we got together, so the break up was heartbreaking for me. I was on the other end. He was 19 and just moved into an apartment with some new friends. They ended up being bad influences, and pressured him to break up with me. He wanted to fit in, so he listened. I got in another relationship a few months after that, and that distracted me from the sadness most of the time. Then a year after we broke up, he emailed me and apologized. We started talking again just like we did before we started dating, and I realized that I was still in love with him. I was able to convince myself that it wasn't really love, or that there was something wrong with him that would make our relationship bad, but the feelings always came back after a few weeks or months. They were more intense each time, too. I broke up with the guy I dated after him, because I thought that I could be with the first guy again if I did that. I was wrong, and heartbroken again. He just wanted to be friends now, and it hurt so much. I knew everything about him, and I knew that he had matured into a better person and would never be able to hurt me again. He's so protective of me. He saved me from an abusive boyfriend. He always tells me that I'm beautiful when I'm having a self-conscious day, and whenever I have a problem that makes me feel like I'm crazy, he tells me that he understands and I'm not crazy. I know every little gross detail about him, but it didn't change anything. I was in love, and he was perfect. I kept looking up advice on how to stop loving him, but everywhere I looked said that I needed to cut off contact with him. He was (and still is) my best friend, so I couldn't do that. I decided to just live miserably for the rest of my life until one of my psychology classes got me interested in hypnosis. I learned that all it really is is getting into a state of mind where your subconscious is easy to access. It's a lot like meditation. You can even hypnotize yourself for a lot of different things. After I learned enough to be able to improvise, I realized that I should be able to hypnotize myself and convince myself to stop loving him. I tried it last year, and it actually worked. I don't think of him as anything more than an older brother now. Hypnotism takes a lot of practice, but once you get it, it's a miracle if nothing else works for you. I started out by laying down on the couch and making sure there would be no distractions. I played some Beethoven just because I have a horrible time relaxing without having classical music playing in the background. I closed my eyes, focused on my breathing, and made myself stop thinking about everything else. I made sure that I relaxed every muscle in my body, and once I was fully relaxed, and my mind was clear, I imagined myself walking through a big, long hallway with a huge door at the end. I told myself that it was the door between my conscious and subconscious mind, and that once I went through the door, I would be able to communicate with my subconscious mind and influence it. I imagined myself walking through the door, and I explained to myself (in my head, not out loud) that our relationship is over, and there is nothing I can do to change his mind. Yes, maybe he will change his mind, but I can't keep wondering. I need to live my life and be happy without him, and that is possible. I told myself that I don't have to be in love with him, and simply told myself to stop. I repeated that part over and over again, and thought about how much happier I would be if I just got over him. I really didn't know what to expect, but it worked. We talk every day, and I'm not attracted to him at all anymore. Your subconscious mind is very impressionable, and once you learn how to influence it, you can really do a lot. There are MANY instructional articles online about hypnotism, so just Google it, or ask me if you need anymore help with it. Like I said, it does take practice, but it is SO worth it. I really hope this, or another suggestion works for you. I really do feel your pain. I know how horrible it is to be in love with an ex that you can't have back, and I feel so bad for you... Let me know if you ever just need to talk, too! I'm a very good listener, and nonjudgmental. I really do wish you the best of luck, hun! *hugs*

[swannynguyen92]

he said i just have to live with the decision.

He said that, it means he wanted you to take responsible for what you have done. It seems now he is having a happy life and he doesnt seem to want to get you back. That's just my thought, but you should live for reality, for the present, not the past. You may think he is perfect for you, and you will be happy with him when he comes back to you. But time pass, and people change, you know... Just believe in yourself, and be strong, let the past goes.

[HeartIsAching]

They ended up being bad influences, and pressured him to break up with me. He wanted to fit in, so he listened.

Stop. This is utter bullshit. He was a grown man (more or less), and his actions were his own. Stop making excuses for him. Nobody put a gun to his head and said "Stop seeing this woman or I'll pull the trigger."

He did it. Not his friends. Not you. He did. Stop idealizing him, stop making excuses for him.

[Sallymelanie]

hi clementine.

Ask yourself what do you really want. Are you sure you want him back? First make sure that he don't have any other love interest. The last thing you want to do is distract his current relationship which might even cause more heartache to more people if you interfere.

If you are sure that you want him back, don't text him to tell him that you miss him. Do something a bit more creative. First, do you know his home address? Are you able to write to him? If you could, write a letter to him. Use a pencil to write the letter. In the letter, tell him that you are doing great in your life doing interesting things. Ask him how he is doing too. Then mention some of your favorite moments together that both of you had fun and tell him you miss those moments. Finally say something like this. "It would be nice if we can catch up some time. Call me if (the if word is powerful because it shows that you are in control and don't care if you don't see him) you want to meet. I'm mostly free on "day" or "day" . (here choose two days, ie, Thursday evenings or Saturday) This will do the trick because it will make him try to choose the day instead of him thinking of if he is even free to see you!

Keep the letter short and simple, not more than 150 words. Do not pour your heart out or tell him how much regret your decisions or love/miss him or sound like you are desperate to see him. You must sound as if you don't mind if he didn't choose to see you but you will be very happy if you can see him again.

If he don't make the effort to arrange a time to see you, move on and find another love interest. Good luck!

[boots8908]

Yes, I understand that it was his choice. But, he was 19, young, and stupid. That was 5 years ago, and he has grown a lot since then, and I forgave him. I understand wanting to fit in with people, and making stupid choices because of it. Yes, he hurt me a lot, but I know that he really is sorry, so I am able to move forward. None of this matters, now, anyway, because we currently have a great relationship as just friends.