Why is nothing happening???

[SingleGuy]

Will try to keep this short. I have been single for the past five years after an eighteen year marriage. After the marriage was over I was with someone for three years that I met on match.com. I broke up with her due to her one pack a day smoking. I could not take it any longer and there were other issues there as well. I went back to match.com and three other online dating sites. I cannot seem to 'connect' with anyone. I write emails as I try to avoid the winks, and for the most part they go unanswered. Some women do not even check out my profile. I feel like there is a banner that goes across my profiles that only women can see that says 'stay away' or something like that. I do get women that write or wink at me, I try to respond and say no thanks not interested if that is the case, but I don't get why so many I write go into oblivion. Either these women don't like my profile or they don't like my appearance. People have said I look like Phil Simms or John Ritter. I don't see the resemblances. For the few women that I did meet they all said I look much better in person, I'm sure we all do. And my profile reads like any other profile out there. At one time I even and a female friend of mine rewrite my profile from what she would like. I've since rewritten it. I'm 53 and don't want to be spending time looking for someone. I'd rather want to be with someone now. That is a lot in a short paragraph so I am just getting my frustration out at this point. I know at some point someone will come along, but this August will be two years that I am doing this.

[gardenofjade]

Those dating sites are usually married men looking to hook up. Especially your age group. But don't be discouraged.
I'm wondering if you are ready for love because usually once you are ready it finds you... know what I mean?
Women don't look at appearance as much as they look for someone stable and friendly, who takes care of himself well.

Oh, just saw you are from Jersey. heh. that could be the problem. (just kidding).

[Salubrious]

4yrs ago I posted on OKCupid.com I'm still with the same man, it worked for me. However, dating sites are sometimes questionable...it is based a lot on how the other looks and photos can either make someone look better or worse. And to be judged solely on that which is the initial judgement your hoping to meet their criteria. I'll be honest I was not attracted to my now bf at all from his photo I blew him off a few times then, he got my attention...how? He made me laugh. Next minute I was chatting away and when we met his photo did him no justice what so ever! I was very attracted to him. All the "nah" signs popped up #1 too young #2 too tall #3 not my type and then, here we are. So, their is hope you can find the one. But, don't limit yourself to dating sites, I only started there because at the time I was celibate & not putting much stock in having a bf. Try getting a female friend to take you out to a sports bar and chat with women build up your confidence by seeing women certainly do find you desirable. And re read your personal ad make sure it isn't boring. Be funny, charismatic....in no time every Friday night will be booked. You could carry a Gris Gris Bag to attract love to, it helps a lot!

[gardenofjade]

I've heard OKCupid is one of the better sites because you can narrow down your profile and improve your companionship ratings.
Can you tell us more about yourself so we can point you to some development?

[SingleGuy]

I am on Match.com, POF, OKCupid and DateHookup. I would rate them best to worst in the order that I listed them. Each one of my profiles is worded differently unlike women's that I have been reading which is cut and paste from one to the other. I only write positive things and what I write I see that a lot of women also write and what they like. When I read women's profile, I go back and fine tune mine from what they wrote in what they might be looking for in someone. And I do not lie, I am as honest as can be, and forthcoming about myself. A few women I see on Match are on POF.

The problem Salubrious is to get that first meet to get your foot in the so called door. I don't think people would be impressed by my pictures but more so when they meet me, just like what you experienced. But I have few nibbles. It's almost like the women are afraid to commit to just conversation, don't know. Honestly I don't have that much in the way of friends to take me to bars and I'm not one to go on my own. Maybe out of desperation though, getting close to that.

What can I tell you about myself to help you help me? Not sure what you are looking for. I could PM you my profile on one of the sites so you can see for yourself. I really appreciate your comments here.

[Salubrious]

No problem....it is nice to finally find a partner that you can "just fall into" just hard to find them. If you copy & paste me your profile I'll edit it for you (I am a writer so I might be of some help )

[dem862]

I don't think those sites work anymore. There are like 10 men for every woman, and the women get jaded and fed up with all the men who only want sex. Then I have heard some women are planted to attact men and they don't really exist. It is a business after all, the owners want you to pay for it. The few women I have met with and heard from weren't really women I would consider. You are better off joining meetup.com in your area and going to some singles events. Women outnumber men at these events, and you can scope each other out in a group setting before you spend time/money dating someone you don't even know. Groups usually go to concerts, dinners, game nights, movies, bowling, dances, etc. There are multiple events happening every day of the week.

[SingleGuy]

Dem62, I have come across a few on match.com that led me on. One person, we were going back and forth with emails and IM's, eventually got to the point I was asked for money. I reported the profile and it was removed. Another we just went back and forth, I tried to setup a meet for coffee, 'she' would keep coming up with excuses not to. So yes there are plants and there are people trying to pull one over on others. Some of the women I did meet, I heard their stories about guys just wanting sex, even my x-girlfriend told me a few stories. I did signup on meetup.com but have not gone to any events yet.

I tried to send my profile which I have to break up into smaller sections due to the limitation with PM. Tried that also, seems I cannot send PM's, don't know why. Maybe I am to new to this web site????