someone help x

[missch]

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I need some advice. My boyfriend and I have been together since may 2010. We have had a very happy relationship, no one has ever come between us, we have never argued or had a "break". We have been totally content and in love since day 1.

But lately ive noticed hes been looking at other girls pictures on facebook ... one girl he works with, who he sits in the same office all day with, and others who are far more beautiful than i am. Im pretty, but im overweight (im dieting, lost 4st since ive been with him) and in my opinion im nothing special.

He changed his hotmail password about 2 months ago and gave me the reason that he changes it all the time (he never has whilst ive been with him) and he said it was to stop him getting spam emails from when i log on to it to snoop at my works or home. I dont do it very often and its not snooping (he hates me going through his stuff), its just easing my mind that hes not doing anything he shouldnt be. He sometimes logs on it at my house anyway (so dont get the spam excuse?) and i have managed to sneak a look through his phone and his computer anyway .. i dont have anything to worry about as far as i can see and ive blocked certain email addresses who could get in touch if they wanted to (ex girlfriend)

But yeah back to the other girl thing .. ive only noticed hes being doing it for the past month or so (i couldnt look any further, i got upset with something), i logged onto his computer a few weeks ago when we were both off work and noticed hes doin it and saturday morning just gone when he was out with a friend and saw these girls hes been looking at. as well as porn too (doesnt bother me too much, i do it too) It hurt to see him look at these other girls though and made me feel like i wasnt good enough. It doesnt help that we now only have sex once or twice a week instead of every day like we used to.
What i didnt expect to find was him trying to search for his ex girlfriend (shes blocked on his facebook) but i think he unblocked her so he could take a look. he also searched for her on myspace and searched her name + naked on the end in google. it made me feel sick.

i let him know how i felt in an email yesterday, i couldnt keep it in. i asked why hes been so cold and distant for the past few month, looking at other girls (i said it didnt really bother me too much if it was just a look at them, i know its a boy thing) why he looked for his ex, told him he wouldnt be happy if i started searching for my ex's, told him what he means to me and if he didnt want me then to let me go. He sent me a text message back (he was out with friends so it was easier to text me) and said i was getting a bit clingy and needy and ive never been like that, that he was sorry for looking at his ex, he didnt really know why he done it, he guessed he was just wanting to see how better his life was now in comparison (to how it was with her) .. he said sorry a couple of more times and that he loves me and if we want this to be forever i gotta stop doubting him.

But i cant get rid of this pain in my heart, i cant get the thoughts out of my head that im not good enough for him.

Someone sort my head out please x

[pisces25]

You need to stop snooping for starters. The more you do that, the more he is going to get pissed off with you and just look for other ways to perv on girls. It's like telling someone they can't have something, it just makes them want it more. Whilst I don't agree with some things he has done what you are doing is no better. Once you stop snooping and start trusting him your relationship should improve. If you find you can't trust him, what is the point of being with him?

[smackie9]

I say you need to press him on this issues in person because my impression is he is feeding you a bunch of BS to pasify you, in an attempt to avoid the subject. When you start to see different behavior there is something definitly up....and your gut is telling you this. If he is using your clinginess as an excuse to check out his ex and other girls, he is just manipulating you. Snooping is no good because there are things he can do to hide his conversations and internet searches. One tool is called "private browser" it's in the tools menu. This pervents any search history, downloads, and cookies to be saved onto the computer. Second there is a software called "shedd-it" that will completely eliminate photos, emails etc. It works so well most cannot be recovered even by police or other agencies. So your snooping is a waste of time, especially he is aware of you doing it. You need to talk to him in person and read his body language and reactions. It's way too easy to lie via text or email.

[Cerby]

I have to disagree with Smackie, people's behavior can change for a lot of reasons that aren't suspicious to the relationship - stress, illness, etc.

I think you need to stop snooping, and its clear you have self-esteem issues that are likely contributing to your anger about him looking at other women. Most secure women don't care about simple things like that (and guys as well). He is with you, if you trust him, then trust him. As for going through his email, thats just rediculous. My GF doesn't have my email password, and I don't have hers.

Everyone has a past as well, if you snoop hard enough, you'll eventually find something.

"Don't go digging in a graveyard and expect not to find any bones."

[Salubrious]

Yes, agreed snooping is a big no no...it will never be a discovery of secret love letters addressed to you...it will always be something that makes your heart hurt. Men are instinctively like animals they will always look, they will hate to be trapped or cornered (hence clingy) and love the chase it is not in their nature to be faithful that is a stipulation society has put on them they need to sow their seeds, breed and be "Male" so, my advice is to #1 trust him regardless because against his nature he is being faithful and try not to smother him find something else to divert your attention (I know it is hard especially when he is leaving you so vulnerable) ....don't make yourself so available. Women give too much and then, the male takes it for granted. Make him ache for you again by surprising him (NO not with a gift) but, with yourself, get your nails done, sexy outfit be wild have fun, think outside the box. Intrigue him.
BTW great job on the weight loss!!!!