Rent in a relationship

[pacardi]

My partner and I are having a serious disagreement over rent. Let me run through the situation.

We are considering relocating to a medium-sized US city. We've been in a relationship for over two years and have thrown around the idea of marriage. Both of us would like to live in a nice part of town but that may not be feasible, depending on the outcome of this disagreement.

Partner 1 makes $40,000 a year with limited student loan bills. Partner 2 makes $30,000 a year with more significant student loan bills.

Partner 1 believes both partners should contribute equally to rent. Partner 1 says (s)he has earned his/her extra money and (s)he shouldn't have to support Partner 2.

Partner 2 believes the two should contribute an amount relative to each partner's income because contributing an equal amount would put extra financial hardship on Partner 2. Partner 2 believes that's a more fair solution.

Given the context of a long term relationship with a view toward marriage, who is right?

[vashti]

I don't think this is a matter of right and wrong. If you aren't married yet, your money should be separate entities, and neither person should pay more for rent than they can afford. Decide what each of you CAN afford, and look for a place in THAT price range.

[IndiReloaded]

I don't think this is a matter of right and wrong. If you aren't married yet, your money should be separate entities, and neither person should pay more for rent than they can afford. Decide what each of you CAN afford, and look for a place in THAT price range.

This^. Treat it as a roommate arrangement from the financial aspect until you are actually married. Only get married if you intend to have children. Then, the rules change as most likely one of you will need to stay home with the children.

Hope this helps.

[pacardi]

That would be the ideal solution and that's where we started the conversation.

Partner 2 offered to pay 50% than the starting point, to find a better place to live, with the idea being Partner 1 would pay about 15% more than starting point.

But Partner 1 doesn't mind so much where they live and feels Partner 2 asking Partner 1 to pay a higher amount, regardless how much, equates to Partner 2 trying to tell Partner 1 what to do with his/her money.

Obviously, two egos and both, perhaps, with valid points. Just looking for some outside opinions.

[IndiReloaded]

Would you expect a roommate to pay more? Not unless the space is better/bigger or something. Remember: you wouldn't even know their income. Again, treat it from that perspective and you will come to a fair arrangement.

[HeartIsAching]

Actually, if you can't agree on a simple rent situation, I think you'd be making a mistake to get married.

[VincenzoG91]

That would be the ideal solution and that's where we started the conversation.

Partner 2 offered to pay 50% than the starting point, to find a better place to live, with the idea being Partner 1 would pay about 15% more than starting point.

But Partner 1 doesn't mind so much where they live and feels Partner 2 asking Partner 1 to pay a higher amount, regardless how much, equates to Partner 2 trying to tell Partner 1 what to do with his/her money.

Obviously, two egos and both, perhaps, with valid points. Just looking for some outside opinions.

Your references to percentages and "starting point" don't make any sense to me, and I'm an accountant.

Vashti has a great suggestion, and I'm going to translate it into dollars (or euros or whatever floats your boat) for a clear example. If partner 2 is currently paying 500 a month in rent, look for a place that is 1,000 a month or less and split the rent 50/50. Also, both of you should bring your respective beds to the new place, because it looks like you two will be sleeping separately from time to time.

[pacardi]

Your references to percentages and "starting point" don't make any sense to me, and I'm an accountant.

Vashti has a great suggestion, and I'm going to translate it into dollars (or euros or whatever floats your boat) for a clear example. If partner 2 is currently paying 500 a month in rent, look for a place that is 1,000 a month or less and split the rent 50/50. Also, both of you should bring your respective beds to the new place, because it looks like you two will be sleeping separately from time to time.

To make it clearer... Partner 1 suggested (s)he pay $500 and Partner 2 pay $300.

Partner 2 offered instead to pay $450 for the sake of a better place, if Partner 1 would pay $550, thinking this would be a fair compromise. But Partner 1 still feels taken advantage of.

Do you think that's a fair compromise?

[IndiReloaded]

You aren't reading our posts.

[pacardi]

You aren't reading our posts.

On the contrary... I was simply clarifying for the accountant who said I wasn't making sense. I thought more details would make it an easier yes/no question, particularly regarding the compromise suggestion that still hasn't proven entirely satisfactory.

[searock]

I agree with what other posters have said. You should both pay the same amount of money. If partner 2 can pay 450, then find a place that costs 900 and split the bill evenly.

[VincenzoG91]

I agree with what other posters have said. You should both pay the same amount of money. If partner 2 can pay 450, then find a place that costs 900 and split the bill evenly.

I agree. Unless you live in somewhere expensive like NYC or L.A., $900 a month should be enough for a decent apartment. And if you go 50/50 on rent, that should go for everything else, too. Utilities, groceries, chores.

[surfhb]

I'll one up and say don't move Together untill you you've discussed marriage, kids, future plans/goals and financials

[Cerby]

To make it clearer... Partner 1 suggested (s)he pay $500 and Partner 2 pay $300.

Partner 2 offered instead to pay $450 for the sake of a better place, if Partner 1 would pay $550, thinking this would be a fair compromise. But Partner 1 still feels taken advantage of.

Do you think that's a fair compromise?

I was with you until this. Partner 1 was actually in favour of a scaled rent agreement, so partner 2 put out a "compromise" that would cost both partners more money. Personally, if I we're partner 1 I'd feel a little taken advantage of. I had come up with a fair solution, so partner 2 maxes out his/her rent to suck more out of me? I support scaled payments, I do it with my GF where I pay 65% and she pays 35%. But you're now asking him to pay the same percentage of a bigger pie.

Don't talk marriage until you two have a clue how to handle your money in a relationship...it doesn't take an accountant to tell you that.

Sounds like a quality marriage in the making.

[pacardi]

I was with you until this. Partner 1 was actually in favour of a scaled rent agreement, so partner 2 put out a "compromise" that would cost both partners more money. Personally, if I we're partner 1 I'd feel a little taken advantage of. I had come up with a fair solution, so partner 2 maxes out his/her rent to suck more out of me? I support scaled payments, I do it with my GF where I pay 65% and she pays 35%. But you're now asking him to pay the same percentage of a bigger pie.

Don't talk marriage until you two have a clue how to handle your money in a relationship...it doesn't take an accountant to tell you that.

Sounds like a quality marriage in the making.

Partner 2 believed it was a fair alternative, given the disparity between relative incomes. Both receive the same benefit of a nicer place, while Partner 2 is willing to sacrifice much more, relative to his/her total income.

On the other hand, Partner 1 does feel a little taken advantage of because he/she still feels Partner 2 is dictating his/her spending habits.