Not feeling the same about the other person - difficulties breaking up

[Sorin]

First I want to say hello to everyone, this is my first post here. Also this is a pretty long story but please try and read it if you can.

I am 21 and have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for the past 9 months. We both do the same course at the same university so we constantly see each other. When I found out she likes me back in July I thought I should give it a shot. At first it was fun, she is a very loving person and we both enjoyed being around each other. Over time I started to find out more and more about her and some things which I didn't like came up. That paired with the fact that I now truly believe that I am a happier person when I am single made me decide to break up with her. I realise that I am very selfish and maybe too self-centered sometimes, but I simply can't be in a relationship that doesn't make me happy.

On the day of the break up I did something stupid and lied to her about my reasons for breaking up with her. I said that I get jealous very easily and I can't seem to help it no matter what I do. This is true, I tend to get jealous sometimes and it's not very constructive. I could not bring myself to tell her that I am happier when single and that I am bored with the relationship. She took the news very badly and could not stop crying. She was begging me not to break up with her. I felt bad about the whole situation and we ended up going on a break. A few days later I had a weak moment and contacted her which eventually lead to us getting back together. Again, not a wise move.

She made me promise that I would not do that to her ever again but I explained that I can't do that, which she understood. Things were going well but now I feel bored again and I know that by being in this relationship I am causing myself pain and it is not fair on her either. She is constantly arguing with her sister because they no longer spend time together like they used to. She has never had a boyfriend break up with her because she would always be the one getting bored.

I think that us being separated would work better off for everyone in the long run. The problem is that I can't stand the thought of making her feel that way again. We are now 3 months away from finishing our degree, and this shock would have a considerable impact on the quality of her work. I don't know how to approach the situation. Should I wait until we finish our course and then attempt the break up? As it is, the relationship is affecting my work. I know it would be awkward seeing her every day at uni after breaking up with her. Even if I do end up doing it soon, I still don't know how to break it to her or even what to say. How would you approach the situation?

Any advice or criticism would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for taking the time to read all of this!

[CAM]

Why are you bored with the relationship?

Bored is kind of a silly reason to break up. Even jealous is a better reason. Angry, hurt, frustrated, unfulfilled, not attracted...all good reasons.

At the end of the day, you either like her or you don't like her. That is the basis of your decision. And, if you don't like her then you have to say it to yourself and break it to her nicely, but sooner rather than later. Waiting for the right moment is cold, premeditated and then you are the bad guy (and deservedly so).

BTW: for all the tears and such, women are much more resilient than men. Once it is over (for most women) it is over and that's that. They generally move on with their lives in a much more efficient manner. They'll find someone else quickly. It is harder for me to find another good mate. I mean if you are some hunk of a guy, then you will find another good piece of ass, but I don't think that is what you are looking for. And if you aren't a hunk, then forget about finding quality anything.

In today's world, most college educated middle class women are not going to get hitched unless then find a guy who is in the top 1-5 percent in most ways. They are not going to settle for anyone. I have 21+ years of education and a stellar job, but I'm not top 1-5 percent in every way imaginable...I don't have the looks, the height, the athletic ability. I'm in good shape and offer great security and opportunities, but that isn't enough for most professional women these days...they interact with guys like me every day and they have their pick.

What am I telling you? In today's world, you need to have a better reason than "I'm bored" to end it. Odds are, she is going to out produce you on income and professional advancement. In today's world, men are the bitches and get used to it.

[kay6]

I agree with CAM. Boredom is not a good reason to break up. All relationships go to this stage. It's how you manage your relationship that's important. It won't manage you. Quit playing with her. You said "The problem is that I can't stand the thought of making her feel that way again." Then you should be sure about yourself. Be a man and stand up for whatever you decide. If you still love her, you should find ways to fix your relationship and think of things that will not make it "boring". If you want out, no time is perfect. When you willll do it will make no difference. If you really have plans of letting her go, let her go so that she will not waste time being with someone who'll just leave her. She might meet someone next week or next month who might like her and she might like but because she wants to be faithful to you, she won't entertain the thought.