Fighting for people in a relationship

[xhayatox]

I was having a discussion with my friend Tom about something in particular about relationships.

I told Tom, "If you don't fight to keep somebody you care about in your life, then you probably didn't value them to begin with. You'll go through life wondering what could have been. If you sincerely care about them, why let them go so easily?"

Then Tom said, "I don't have the strength to fight any longer. I did it with my other ex for two months. If they care so much they wouldn't leave and walk out in my life in the first place."

Which one of us is correct? In his case, Tom was in a relationship for several months with a girl, and he pushed her away with his behavior and his actions. She really cared about and wanted to be with him so bad, but he made it really difficult. So do you think his logic still applys?

[HeartIsAching]

Neither one of you... or conversely, both of you.

If you're the only one fighting to keep it going, it will not work, and will end. If the other person simply isn't invested enough to fight for it, then you have to ask yourself if it's worth it. The answer is probably no. Would you really want to be in a one-sided relationship?

[pisces25]

If you sincerely care about them, why let them go so easily?"

Because you don't own that person and if they want to leave they want to leave. I wouldn't fight for someone simply because I would respect their decision to no longer want to be with me. Fighting is desperate.

[eva43]

I agree with HeartIsAching. Fighting for the relationship should be done by both parties to make it work. If only one is fighting, he/she is more likely to get tired and eventually give up.

[smackie9]

Ya HIA has it right. If the effort is one sided then it will fail for sure.

[bulrush]

If you are working to keep someone that you are not compatible with, what is the point? Love doesn't change a person, no matter how much you love them. They must change themselves. And if you two are not compatible, why keep going down a dead-end road?

Otherwise, if you two are really compatible, and someone is just having a hard time with intimacy or feelings, then maybe some extra work is called for, to keep a good thing going. But both people have to want the relationship.

"It takes two to make a relationship work, and only one to mess it up." --Bulrush