His ex - advice please :)

[smcgrearty]

I`m seeing a guy for over 2 years now. We have our ups and downs. He has gone a stray at the start of the relationship and so have I because it started as an open relationship but of course feelings have got involved and so we have decided to be together. When I met him he was barely over his ex of 10 yrs in which I understood and I liked him ( open-relationship time) but I understood how he felt and was and still am very understanding of their friendship. It`s not a major problem for me but it does bother me just a wee bit. For example, if I ask a question about her (because it`s relevant to the conversation at the time and which is rare that I do ask about her) he does tend to be a little sensitive about it. From what he has told me over the years she`s basically perfect, which is a bit intimidating. I went abroad last yr for a month and kept in contact via skype with him. He eventually told me he went to festival with his ex and her friend which was over-night. I wasn`t too happy about that but I let him know how I felt and that it really bothered me. I got over it quite quickly and moved on. He does do certain work projects with her as their professions are related. I found out on FB today that he is doing a talk with her at a college but never mentioned it to me. I don`t understand why because I have never given him reason to not mention her in the past as far as work is related. How do I deal with this situation as I`m getting a little impatient and feel like moving on to greener grass??

[smackie9]

Ya you are sharing your BF with someone else and that sucks. They may not be having sex but they are emotionally still very much involved. He just can't let go so maybe it's time for you to let go of him.

[smcgrearty]

I'll head over to his place tonight and ask casually what he is doing tomorrow, if he fails to mention the lecture and who'll be there, then I'll gather from that.
What do you think??

[Cerby]

I'll head over to his place tonight and ask casually what he is doing tomorrow, if he fails to mention the lecture and who'll be there, then I'll gather from that.
What do you think??

Sure, everyone deserves a chance to come clean. If he doesn't, are you ready to make the tough decision?

[Salubrious]

Sounds to me that this relationship is not going to go anywhere. He seems (by what you've said) to still have feelings for his ex not to mention how cruel to tell you she is practically perfect WTF? You deserve better and to be thought of as perfect. Also, the fact he hasn't told you means there is probably a lot more he hasn't told you in relation to her.

[smackie9]

[smcgrearty]

I went over to his place and he mentioned the lecture but not who he was doing it with. Looks like I'll have to make a decision soon as I've invested a lot of my time in the relationship. I'm a very understanding person. This doesn't even have to be a problem but I guess he can't be up front with me and that makes me think twice about the whole situation.

@ smackie9 - what does the spam image mean? I'm new to this.

[smackie9]

You keep using that excuse about time invested. That isn't why you should over look your dissatisfaction in your relationship. I've ended a 5 year relationship before and it was worth it....What I realized was that it's not worth staying and being more unhappy.

I suggest you call him out on it and have a discussion about how he is so protective about you knowing. If he gets all sensitive about it then you tell him that you can't share a man with somebody else anymore.

[smcgrearty]

@smackie9

You're so right!!!!!
I've walked away from a 6 yr relationship before and it was the best decision I ever made.
I've only ONE life and I'm not wasting my precious time any more.
Much appreciated

[JaimeRose5]

My guess is that he will never truly get over his ex. Ten years is good amount of time to spend with just one person. As long as he is still spending time with her, he will probably never move on and a part of him will be hers. He really needs time away from her or he will never get to where you need him to be for you.

Jaime

[BoredGeorge]

1) Are you educated ? You NEED to use paragraphs. That was far too hard to read, so I didn't read it. No one is asking you to be a talented writer, heck I'm barely employable (for technical roles) based on my writing skills myself but please for the love of god - paragraphs.

2) I can only guess at the problem so I'm going to suggest that you make sure you service him sexually whenever requested and be the good submissive, loving and caring girlfriend rather than the loud mouthed annoying, demanding, you go-girl entitled American.

You will find that if you follow the advice in number 2 most of the aesthetic problems in your relationship will vanish. If he has a walking blow job dispenser who gets him dinner and thinks everything he does is wonderful - why would he need to take his ex ?

[smackie9]

If that is the rule to keep a man then all men need to be gay so they can service each other under the freeway over pass.

[BoredGeorge]

If that is the rule to keep a man then all men need to be gay so they can service each other under the freeway over pass.

Vagina > anus.

[smackie9]

Nah men can circle jerk or daisy chain....

[smcgrearty]

@ Boredgeorge

If you didn't read it then why give advice??