23 years old and never had a girlfriend, need help

[TeeJay19]

Hi there. Well, I've come here because I've really failed at the dating game. I'm 23 and have never had a girlfriend. I'm hoping to get a woman's perspective on my situation.

I've always thought that I'd be able to figure it out eventually, but I've finally realized that I need some help with this. On top of this I've been feeling increasingly lonely and, although I wouldn't go as far as calling it depression, I've certainly been down on life lately.

I don't just want some random hook-up or one night stand. I've been down that road before thinking it was the answer to my problems, but it wasn't. It was just really unfulliling and it didn't help my confidence like I thought it would.

There's been two women in my life that I really cared about, so much so that I felt compelled to tell them how I felt. I was rejected by both of them and unfortunately I'm no longer friends with them. Following these experiences I turned to the internet to try and meet women. At first I was able to meet a few but I never made it past the first date. I myself thought the dates went alright, but none were interested in seeing me again.

But perhaps the worst experience happened about a year ago when I met a girl who was actually interested in me. At first it seemed to be going well. We went out a few times and she seemed to really like me. I even heard from a few of her friends that she really liked me.

But there were some problems. She lived a ways away and we were rarely able to get together (we talked on the phone a lot but I only saw her in person twice). Then I found out that she had some family problems (her mom was pretty abusive to her) and she usually turned to alchohol to deal with these problems. This didn't scare me off and I tried to offer her advice, but she seemed unwilling to do anything to deal with her issues other than drink.

She had made it clear from the start she was looking for something long term and so when I realized that this wasn't the type of person I wanted to be with I decided it was best for both of us to end it. She was crushed and really hurt, and I felt awful. In fact, I would say it felt worse than when I had been rejected.

That was really my last attempt to find a girlfriend. It just seems like any time I get involved with someone one of us ends up getting hurt. Despite this though I really want to try again, but I don't know where to start.

Where can I meet women? The club scene is not for me and every time I go I just end up drinking by myself while my friends try and get laid. I work with all men and I usually hang out with the same group of friends. I never seem to find myself in a situation where I can meet women.

And ladies, would you want to date someone so inexperienced? Would you think it's weird that I've never had a girlfriend?

Anyways, sorry for the long post, but it feels good to vent a little bit. If anyone has any advice or words of encouragement I'd really appreciate it. Thanks for reading.

[TJDVAN]

Hey TeeJay,

Not a girl so not sure whether my advice is all that great but here it is, for what it's worth.

As deeply frustrating as it might sound, I honestly think you have to just do your thing and have faith in things falling into place when the right person comes along. If you have hooked up with women before and had this one experience with the girl who seemed to be a little troubled in life you are obviously capable of attracting women, so you don't need to start worrying that this will be a problem.

The other thing to say is this: most people are not very happy in their relationships. The fact that you don't want to just hook up with random girls or try to get laid in a club suggests you are a pretty mature guy who doesn't want to settle for something average, which is a great way to be. I think most women would be as happy to be with someone that had waited to be with the right person than they would be to be with someone with "experience" in relationships, which to be honest, probably counts for very little.

I have had two very big relationships in my life, but after having my heart completely broken a year ago, I am 29 and very much single now. It's not a good feeling, but after one random hook-up that made me feel absolutely shit, I have vowed not to rush into anything and genuinely wait for someone amazing to come along again. You owe it to yourself to be with someone great and you just have to keep the faith that this person will appear at some point.

One more thing. Since being single, I have had to make a huge effort to meet new people (I live abroad, don't want to spend too much time with workmates etc.). It is really hard to begin with and I think I was bordering on depression before because it felt like I couldn't do it, or that there was always an excuse I could make for staying within my comfort zone. The best thing is to volunteer in some program you are interested (kids program, animals, environment, sport, whatever). You will meet people with shared interests and it will give you confidence to start meeting women too. You could even join a dating website like plenty of fish and go on a few dates, even if you don't want them to go further than a cup of coffee. Trust me, it will make you feel better to converse with new people, and realize that there is nothing stopping you from being with some great girl if and when she does come along. Meeting new people and doing new things, even if you don't really enjoy them all that much, is a major piece of this puzzle.

Try to stay positive and actually make a point of doing something new. I'm sure it will help and that you will find someone in time. As I said before, a lot of people are in unhappy relationships and a lot of people are single. However good you are at being on your own, I believe that everyone worried about whether they will meet someone to give everything to. Just because you haven't had a girlfriend before does not mean you are any more alone than the majority of people on that one.

Take it easy and stay positive!

[TeeJay19]

Hey, thanks for the advice, really appreciate it. You're probably right, just need to be patient. I'm sure the right girl will come along eventually.

[Bush1]

How can ah, is little contact with the girl.

[Bella1]

Impossible! 23 years old, is this look for a girlfriend.

[Dry Spell1]

thumbs up