Sitcky Situation; Any Input is Helpful!

[myrmidon11]

This is a story about three boys: Charles, Louis, and myself. Brief background information(drama never gets explained quickly, i apologize):

1. Charles & Louis were dating for about 3 months (they were dating for a year and a half, then broke up for 9 months, then got back together to try to work things out for these 3 months) but they've been living together all during this time Charles' house. Louis, also, was up until February one of my best friends.
2. In March, Charles realized he had strong feelings for me, and I for him, and after a trip together to a wedding where we acted on these feelings, he realized that he needed to end things with Louis as they just weren't compatible and that Louis needed to move out of the house this time.
3. Charles & I continue to see each other occasionally, though we limit our time together because Louis still loves Charles and wants to win him back.
4. It's now 2 months later, and Louis has still not moved out(he's looking, but not very hard, and he is sleeping on the couch). Charles is the kind of person that will give the shirt off his back to someone, even if it means making the situation worse for himself. Furthermore, Louis (rightfully) hates my guts and has gone and dragged all of our mutual friends into this telling them that I am the evil, two-faced ex-friend that is trying to ruin his life.

So here's where we are. Last night, Charles & I went out to dinner during which he revealed that he had got advice from his two best girlfriends on what to do. They thought (and I don't necessarily disagree) that it is just a slap in the face to Louis that Charles & I continue to see each other while A. Louis is still living there and B. while Louis is getting over Charles. Charles has been wanting me to go on more trips with him and spend so much more time together, but he's been having to suppress these desires for Louis' sanity. So Charles came to the conclusion that we should not get dinner again(at least on a one-on-one basis) until he is out of the house, meaning likely not until mid-June. Basically, Charles is realizing that he should have been this firm with Louis' move-out date when it was first brought up in March, and that for that month or so we should have not seen each other as often, but at the time he was worried I would move on and date someone else. But, now that our feelings are growing even stronger for each other, he's thinking that we should give Louis this time now to cope and move out before we DO start doing things like going on vacation together and the like.

To be clear:
-This is not a purely sexual/lust thing. We haven't done the nasty, we've only kissed. There are very strong feelings between both of us; Charles even mentioned that he would love for me to move in once Louis leaves, but he knows that that would be an even bigger slap in Louis' face so we should hold off on any talk of that.
-I understand that what I did was wrong; I tried to apologize multiple times, but it was never received well. Charles doesn't think that Louis will ever be able to forgive me, and I don't blame him. But, I've accepted this fact. I'm almost 26 and this is the first time I've ever done anything of questionable nature in regards to relationships, and Charles is the same way. We obviously are taking a chance on something that we both feel is worth it, and while that may not mean much to Louis, we hope that one day he'll realize that.

To summarize & get to the questions:

I am in a situation where I'm being forced to put my feelings/my happiness on hold for the sake of someone else; Charles & I both are. But, we know that that is the least we can do for Louis right now. At the same time, I'm worried that by not spending time with him for the next month or so, he'll grow apart from me and "forget" about our feelings for each other. Am I being irrational in that fear? Have any of you been in a similar situation? How long did you find yourself waiting? Was it worth it in the end?

Anybody can relate at all? Most of my friends agree that we should hold off until Louis moves out, but patience is not my forte.

Thanks!

[Rosebud]

I know it's awful to hear the cliche that if things are meant to happen, they will... But it's true. What you did was wrong, but you realize that and you lost a friend because of it. You still care about the person you hurt and that does say a lot. It's never a good thing and says a lot about someone when they put other people before themselves. You should never have to put your life on hold because of someone else, but given the circumstance you would only be causing more problems for yourself if you were out in the open rubbing in your new relationship with your friend. There is a chance that distance will come in between you two but if it's meant to be, it will be. You need to have other things taken care of first and in order before you pursue anything. When someone really loves someone you find yourself waiting even when you shouldn't. So that being said, it may not be as long as you think or you may find down the road that it's best to move on. Either way, only time will tell.

[smackie9]

You fear because you are in love...the infatuation stage of your relationship. Love can be a cruel game but we all must move on and so should Louis. I have to say tho, your BF is a spineless twit and I hope for your sake he doesn't do the same thing to you...don't even think you are different from any other man. Your chances of getting burned by him are just as high. He took advantage of him and you, selfishly. He now has messed up you and poor Louis.

I don't think you should stop seeing each other. The cat is already out of the bag, everyone knows, so what's the dif? If Louis is in denial, that's his problem. Your BF needs to stop handling Louis with kid gloves and get his ass out of the apartment. Louis is playing a game to make life difficult for the two of you that is all.

Lastly do not move in with him. Date for about a year before you feel he is ready for a domesticated lifestyle. This may be part of the reason why he finds you more desirable than Louis.

[Dakini1]

I have been in exactly that situation. It's verry difficult. VERY DIFFICULT. Hopefully for you a month will go quickly. At times it was excruciating. In the end I had to wait for about 9 months ( with a break of about a months in the middle when we broke up). My boyfriends ex wife had already moved out, moved overseas and was living with someone else when we got together. But then she came back and moved back in not long after. It was supposed to be temporary, for a few weeks, until she got her own place. But when she found out about me, she refused to move out and he was too gutless to force her. She was suddenly all jealous and hysterical ( go figure) .... It was an awfull long drawn out mess for everyone.... At one point they got back together for a bit.... Agony. Then we got back together and had to keep our relationship a secret until she had moved out. Deadlines for her going came and went. All the time, we couldn't go to parties together, or spend special occassions together, etc. He spent his 50th with her. He spent valentines with me. She got suicidal. It was ugly all around. Eventually the day came when she left.... And here we are with a kid. I love my partner, I love my kid..... But I'm not sure how happy I am. Sometimes not very. We are in counselling...
My advice....yes, wait for him if that's what you want to do, but....1) don't give up your life or put it on hold in any way. 2) have clear boundaries and be clear about what is acceptable for you and what isn't...3) don't accept letting the deadlines for moving out slip. 4) be prepared to walk away if the guy doesnt move out when you expect, if you start getting stuffed around or it starts to feel or smell bad.
Just make sure you're treated with decency and respect....full stop. If you feel uncomfortable get out.
I hope this helps in some small way and that things work out for you. A month isn't long to wait if it's going to be the love of your life. But that's a big 'if'.

[myrmidon11]

Thank you guys. We both know moving in so soon would not be a good idea; I just signed a new lease last Tuesday anyway. I think it was more of a way(however foolish it may be) for him to be like "i really like you and here's my proof."

This whole situation is made worse by the fact that Louis has never dated anyone before Charles, so he's a victim of the whole first-love syndrome. Additionally, Charles has never broken up with someone before; he's always been the one that was dumped and doesn't want to make Louis feel like that. So, I think, we have two people who have never handled this whole situation and it's just making things harder.

But these replies are reassuring. Thanks to all! Keep 'em coming if possible!