Can I be morning a relationship I am still in?

[trmartinez9389]

The story of my husband and I actually starts with the boyfriend before him. That man was very compatible to me on paper. He was my intellectual equal, and enjoyed many of the same hobbies and purists that i did. However, he was not romantic or loving, and had very different feelings toward me than I did for him. I ended up getting my heart broken. After that, I decided looks, intelligence, and similarities did not matter, all that I needed was someone who would treat me right and be affectionate. This is what I found in my husband. He was no where close to my intellectual equal, and we had nothing in common, however, he was sweet, nice and treated me better than I had ever been treated my whole life. I loved him very much. Every night we would go to bed snuggled up in each others arms and before we fell asleep we would tell each other how much we loved the other. I could be in the kitchen, (dancing while washing dishes) and he would come up behind me and wrap me in his arms and give me a kiss on the head, and I just felt so loved. The best thing about him though was his eyes. He would look at me like he saw no one else but me, like I was his whole world! He was perfect by no means, but I was okay with that because he loved me and was a good man.

Now two years later, we are married and have a son. The day our son was born, it was if the man I loved died. He transferred all his love to our son and suddenly there was none left for me. He's told me several times he doesn't love me as much as our son. It wasn't a gradual thing either, it was all at once, the day our son was born he wanted nothing to do with me. It's not just that our puppy love has slowed down, that I could deal with. It's that he shows disdain for me now. When he says he loves me its forced. He never shows affection unless I initiate it, and even then he has a dead look in his eyes like it's a waste of time. When he wants sex he will try to tickle me to make me happy, but after sex, he goes right back to being distant and cold.

Now lately I've started feeling real rage toward him. I am so angry all the time. Then other times I try to be affectionate toward him, not because I actually feel love for him, but because I want him to be that other guy again, I want him to let that guy out and be who he used to be. Then other times I'm completely depressed and feel utterly alone.

I'm wondering if all these emotions could be the stages of grief? Am I grieving for the love that is lost to me? Am I grieving a man who is still physically alive?
I'm at such a loss. I am so conflicted. I can't tell if he loves me, or I love him. I'm not even sure love really exists anymore. I know I loved the man he was, but I'm unsure of the man he is now. I miss the way he was, I miss our love.

[Petit Papillon]

First of all, I'm sorry for your situation. It must be hard, when someone you love suddenly starts to behave so strange towards you. I guess, you need to talk to him. Like a real talk. Tell him that this is frustrating you and you feel bad about it all. Of course it's good that he loves your son so badly, and even though after getting children, marital relationships slow down a bit, it sounds like yours is simply falling apart, which is no good for your family. Convince him that he has to take you seriously. Tell him you want to work on it and you hope that he wants or will find the will for working on that too. Look for counseeling. Maybe there are some things you don't notice, maybe he was trying to give you sign, but you simply weren't able to read them.
I hope that your situation gets better. Look for help, it means you still love him and still want to share your future with him. Don't let yourself get more frustrated.