Does my ex want me back?

[S3phira]

There is no real way to TL;DR this. I'll attempt to at the end.

I'm graduating college this year, 22F, staying in the area of my undergrad for the next two to get my masters. He's a sophomore, 20M, going home in the summer, then abroad for the fall.

At the start of our relationship, things were fantastic. He was scared to open up, but did. He actually wrote me a note saying, "I underestimated my fear. Letting someone into that window of my heart is really hard, but you make me believe it is possible to love. I really love you." Our relationship was very open, communicative, affectionate. He even came to visit me over our winter holiday, and spent a week with my family and I. He said he hoped things would always stay as they are, but I said they can't because of where we're going, but we just have to hold on to how we feel and work hard at making time for each other during our very busy second semester.

When we came back to school, things seemed strange. I would ask to hang out with him on weekends, and he would say how he needed time alone with his friends when we would be partying. Obviously, we both needed our time to our friends alone, but he even said, "I have difficulty incorporating my significant others into my friend groups." But, his friends loved me. I felt arbitrary restrictions being pulled up, and I felt that I had to initiate spending our time together. I would work fast and furious on work, applications, and activities to make time for him, and it always seemed I had to reach out to him in order to make time for us. Or, when I would make time he would not want to take that time to see me. He also began to put restrictions on displays of affection, then emotion, and then sex. All the barriers seemed so arbitrary, and it left me so confused. I would question him about it, and he was very unrelenting to change or understand my needs. I also questioned his motives for the future, as every time our eventual departure came up in conversation, he wanted to ignore it and just focus on the now. But, how could we have a stable now without the hope for a future that involved so much distance?

He broke up with me at a party, and some of the things he said were: "How are we sure we have these feelings for each other?" "I'm not sure I know how to be in a relationship." "I'm not sure if we should break up or take a break?" After this dramatic encounter, I found it difficult to be friends with him, which he wanted to be so badly. We did not talk for about a month. We both felt something click last Sunday and felt compelled to arrange to hang out/meet up while we were at a club meeting (he even texted me apologizing for sounding abrupt in person which he wasn't). But, last Monday, something strange happened. He joined my study group, and we both were teasing each other, then went on a walk/talk for an hour about stuff that is going on in our lives (nothing about the relationship though). He was talking to me like we used to when we were dating. He even waited to walk with me home, not before agreeing to my spontaneous idea to trespass on a construction site! This was all at 3 AM. He then walked me almost the entire way back to my apartment, parting ways when it made sense for him to in order to get to his building.

We met up yesterday for dinner. We caught up on a lot of things, and some things he said made me wonder. I talked about one of my friends he never met, and he said, "It's a shame I never met her". He went on to say, "We never got to do...[named a couple of things]" "I never did show you some of my jazz things, did I?" (should have mentioned we're both musicians...that's how we bonded). We talked about the future, and he said that he was "evolving". We then had to walk together to an event, and he brought up a letter I had sent him over an intense retreat. And he said this, "I think despite all the frustrations that it was all good. We happened at a good time, and when I look back on the year, I knew it was part of my good year. It ran its course, but I'm happy it happened."

I thanked him for finally responding, and I honestly said I agreed. That I was happy he was such a positive aspect to my year and life. But, I was honest and said, "I could wish things were different right now, but I won't. Timing sucks."

After the event, I gave him a book I wanted him to have, and said my final goodbye. He was kind of startled, and said he would be around today, but I said it is probably impossible to meet with finals, packing, etc.

Oh and he definitely has been harping over to my Facebook. When he tried to tell me tidbits of news, I called him out and said, "Oh...I posted that." He actually got kind of embarrassed.

So...does he regret breaking up with me? Is he just trying to be friends? Is he seeing if I would take him back/if there's some interest? This all seems too strange to be just friends. Very touch and go in my opinion.


TL;DR: Senior girl dates sophomore boy. Fall in love, everything is fantastic. Sophomore boy gets weird upon return to school, and eventually breaks up for seemingly unknown reason. He wants to be friends, doesn't understand why I am hesitant. Now it seems like he regrets it. I would take him back if he came to me upon his return in 8 months and I was still available...is there a hope for that?

Understand, too, that I am moving on. I have no intention on waiting for him if someone better does walk into my life. But, what are the chances that he would return to me? Should I check in I suppose is the question I'm asking?

[lindac]

While i'm no expert I think your ex did not deserve you. When you think about it, you put all the work into the relationship. A relationship requires an effort on the part of both people in it. You seem a lot more ready to be in a relationship than he does and how do you know that, if you both got back together, the same problems that occurred before wouldn't happen again? From the sound of it it seems like he is not mature enough to be in a lasting relationship. Ya he is being all kind and caring now, but whos to say that that wont all change again. I think he does want you back, but i dont think he has changed and he will probably get way too comfortable again. I think he does want you back at the moment but i say forget him, you are better off

[Jason278]

Thanks for your post.