My Friend's New Girlfriend Freaked Out on Me-Help!!

[BunnyChan219]

About a year ago, I met a guy at a party. Due to... lots of confusion, mixed signals, drama, etc, we danced around dating, but never become an official couple, and in November just settled down to being friends.

I haven't seen him since January, but we've texted a little bit. He's texted me to hang out about once a month, and then usually had something come up. This last occasion was in late April... so about 3 weeks ago.

I felt a little spontaneous today, so I decided to call him to see if he wanted to hang out. A girl answered the phone, and asked who I was. I told her, and asked to speak with him. She refused... and started going off about how because I'd rejected him, she was lucky enough to now be dating him. She said very quickly how awesome and considerate and what a great f*ck he is, and how I'm a heartless b*tch. She finished by saying I should never call him again, and hung up.

I didn't know he was dating anyone, but I'm pleased if he is. He's the one who has been messaging me to hang out. And I thought we've just been platonic friends.

I'm... stunned, is the word. And kinda worried that my friend is dating a total, controlling psycho. How in the world should I handle this, since she is obviously monitoring his phone? I sent him an email but after 2 days he hasn't responded yet. What the heck was all that?!

[bluesummer]

Ok, first of all, who is she to tell you that you can't call him again? Sounds like a jealous psycho. I think I would take this as evidence that he obviously really liked you.......it pisses her off and it's apparent he's discussed it with her. She's feeling threatened is all. Not your fault, she's just insecure.....or maybe he's given her a reason to be. Who knows, it's not your problem though.

I'd wait to see how he responds to the email.

[BunnyChan219]

Ok, first of all, who is she to tell you that you can't call him again? Sounds like a jealous psycho. I think I would take this as evidence that he obviously really liked you.......it pisses her off and it's apparent he's discussed it with her. She's feeling threatened is all. Not your fault, she's just insecure.....or maybe he's given her a reason to be. Who knows, it's not your problem though.

I'd wait to see how he responds to the email.

Do you think... he maybe put her up to it? Like, he decided he didn't want to be friends with me, so let her answer the phone and say those awful things to me so I'd never talk to him again?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

It's possible he did, but judging by the way she spoke to you, there were real feelings coming out from her end, so I doubt he put her up to it. Just wait for his response to your email, and maybe send one last text asking if everything is cool between you or if he'd rather you left him alone.

[BunnyChan219]

If he doesn't reply, do you think I should just burn the bridge? Defriend him, avoid him if I see him? Also... am I awful for kind of hoping he dumps this girl?

[icey24]

I don't know if this would help but I think you should call him again, or send him a message, ask him if what's his girlfriends problem with you.. Who knows maybe he told his girl everything about you that's why she acted like that.

[Cerby]

If he doesn't reply, do you think I should just burn the bridge? Defriend him, avoid him if I see him? Also... am I awful for kind of hoping he dumps this girl?

This bridge is already burning. Its clear that he told her something about you, even crazy jealous b*tches don't have that kind of information. So you've been built up to be a villain of sorts, someone who rejected him and hurt him. She is now defensive of the threat trying to come back.

Either way, this situation is pretty much a write-off for you.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Tell us the whole story between you and him. You gave one vague line that made it sound like mixed signals on both sides, but I'd be willing to bet that you're a cunt that plays games.

[Cerby]

About a year ago, I met a guy at a party. Due to... lots of confusion, mixed signals, drama, etc, we danced around dating, but never become an official couple,

Dead on BackUp, I didn't really register this part before.

[iamaninnocentma]

Tell us the whole story between you and him. You gave one vague line that made it sound like mixed signals on both sides, but I'd be willing to bet that you're a cunt that plays games.

calling someone a c**t based on the information here is retarded.

[BunnyChan219]

Tell us the whole story between you and him. You gave one vague line that made it sound like mixed signals on both sides, but I'd be willing to bet that you're a cunt that plays games.

Um... let's see... when I first met him, I was really into him. However, he is the ex of one of my good friends. I asked her permission if I could go for him, and she said yes. So I started flirting with him. He brushed me off and flirted with my friend (his ex) instead. I got upset, and my friend and I had a fight (she thought I was being too sensitive.) Eventually we worked it out.

Two weeks later, my friend invited me out for drinks. He was there. He was friendly, but paid more attention to her. A week later, he stopped by her apartment while I and my friend were hanging out. Again with the two of them flirting, so I left.

A few weeks after that, he invited me to a movie with his friends. I went, and afterwards all of us got food. At the end of the night, I stood in the parking lot with him for over an hour trying to flirt, but he never made a move. He just kept talking about all these girls that wanted to have sex with him. By then, I gave up, and started seeing someone else (casually, we were not exclusive.)

We hung out 2 or 3 more times before he finally asked if he could kiss me. This was about 2 months after we'd met. Over the next month, we went on more dates, but I couldn't get over 1) how I felt he'd initially rejected me, like this idea that he only liked me because I liked him. 2) That I'd hold him back. He is still in college and lives with his parents, whereas I have graduated and had my "after college" adventures. I was worried he'd come to resent me for not getting to have those fun college experiences, like traveling abroad and living alone. Essentially, I'm getting ready for marriage/kids, and wasn't sure he was.

I sat him down and explained why we couldn't date. We agreed to be friends. I started dating the guy I "moved on" with officially a month later. We kept hanging out until February. Then he suddenly canceled our last hang out. I said "okay let me know when you can reschedule" and he didn't message me again until April, 3 weeks ago. His text said "we should hang out Tuesday." I said "sure." and then he canceled on Monday saying he'd forgotten he had other plans. I was in the midst of breaking up with my boyfriend, so I didn't follow up.

So, I called him this week. And that's what lead to this phone call.

... Does any of that look like I was playing games??

[Cerby]

It is clear there was emotion involved from both parties, and both rejected each other at other points. But it sounds like there were some games played, etc.

Did you ever sleep together, or did it not get to that point? (I'll explain why I'm asking after I get the answer)

[BunnyChan219]

It is clear there was emotion involved from both parties, and both rejected each other at other points. But it sounds like there were some games played, etc.

Did you ever sleep together, or did it not get to that point? (I'll explain why I'm asking after I get the answer)

We almost did, but both of us backed off. He spent the night a few times, and we did other things.

Did I play games? I tried not... but I felt so confused. Hanging out with him was even kind of hard, because I still felt attraction for him, and I did really like him as a person. But I tried not to text him too much, or "lead him on," and I was really happy we were friends.

[Cerby]

"games" is really a loose term for someone unwilling to make a concrete decision on what they want. You two almost started up, got a relationship on deck, then you backed out because you felt "wronged" by the way you were rejected originally. Plus the "I don't think he/she is ready for my kind of relationship" excuse is a cop-out (I've used it, so I know it is).

It sounds like you were both indecisive, but now he has a new woman who probably knows the whole story from HIS perspective. You were likely made out to be a cruel heartbreaking b*tch (whether you actually are or not), and this is why you got sh*t on on the phone. As for why he texted you to hang out? Who knows, maybe he still has some lingering feelings, maybe he actually does want to be friends. Either way, its just a messy situation and you need to steer completely clear.

[bluesummer]

It also sounds to me like maybe he's made you out to be this horrible bitch to his new gf to make himself look better.