Bisexuality, love, sex, and flirting

[Lostinlove777]

Where to start? My fianc� and I have been together two years. We have young children ( different father and 3 years old ) that call me dad. We love each other very much, but we've hit a major wall. I knew she played around with girls before. It was kind of a turn in until she cheated on me with her friend over a year ago. My ex wife was driving us nuts and she figured it was ok because it was just a girl and we weren't engaged yet, just living together. In spite of that she is bluntly honest and will not lie to me. She told me that she played around with her friend. I just thought she meant kissing. She says that women offer her something men can't. She also says its just sex and not love making even though she described it as such. She offered me a free pass to sleep with anyone I want as long as I don't tell her. I've never cheated in my life and always broke it off if I felt like it. She's the only one I haven't dumped that has cheated on me. On the weekend we went to a club. A bodybuilder guy was eye raping her. I stared him down and he left. I expressed my disgust in him. We move from the pub part to the dance part of the club. She leads the way and by fluke we wind up at a table right next to that guy and his 5 huge friends. Everytime I left for anything that guy or his friend were over there chatting her up only to leave on my return. I told her that guy was beginning to upset me. She told me to chill out and he was just being nice. After the second time he was there he was visibly drinker and was hesitant to leave. My fianc� was upset with me because she wasn't flirting and the nice guy was just talking. I seen the situation differently in that her continued conversation was leading him on and if he got drunker, he'd cross a line, and then I'd have a fight with 6 guys on my hands. She told me she thought flirting was healthy and natural and that if she was at the bar with her friends she saw nothing wrong with it as long as she came home to me. I disagree in that it's wrong to lead people on and potentially dangerous. She has changed her mind now. I asked her what she would think if some girl was looking at me like I was desert and kept coming around every time she left , how that would make her feel. She said proud that I was hers. She's a jealous girl. I doubt this would happen. I used to get deep tissue massages from a friend (female) that was pretty. I asked her out before and nothing came of it and we stayed friends. I relayed this info when my fianc� needed a run and I suggested her. She flipped her lid and I haven't gone there since. She doesn't like sex with me, she thinks there's something wrong with her and repeatedly tells me she loves me and wants to marry me but that she also needs space. I'm not a jealous guy, but I'm turning into one. She's a photographer and model and she has her pics on fb of her in lingerie for the world to see and a boatload of flirtatious comments, or guys making wow comments of messaging her or chatting with her and she says it's harmless. These changes have all come in the last month or so. I'm going mad with heartache. It feels like its over, but she keeps asserting that she loves me and wants to cuddle. My head is a mess. She doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Says she's frustrated and feels smothered and like I'm pushing her away by confronting her on where we stand. We have counciling in two weeks. Any advice to help me keep my sanity. I'm gonna try and get out and find new things to fill the void like music, painting and the gym.

[iamaninnocentma]

The problem is dude, all women are basically lesbian. they only associate with men to have children, and get a decent washing machine, so theres not a lot you can do about the bisexualness. As for the flirting with the bodybuilder, this is a fckn liberty and needs stamped out.

You are doing the right thing with the music and painting, but not sure about the painting, sounds a bit gay. And kudos for staring out the big dude. next timekick his balls. Just because a dude is big, it doesnt mean his balls are immune to a swift boot. hope this helps

[Lostinlove777]

hahaha, Painting isnt gay unless you're painting rainbows and unicorns flying through them.i would have loved to have gone further than the stare. My fiance hates that shit. Bitches because all her exes did it. I wonder why they did. The bisexuality i can handle. i just feel used basically. i hold the fort down, no affection other than words and non sexual touch. i think i just gotta set her free, if she ****s up then i guess i call things off.

[TeeJay19]

I could be totally wrong here, but it sounds to me like she's just marrying you because you're a "good guy" and will be a good father for her kid. The way you've described it she's not physically attracted to you (she said she doesn't like sex with you, how is that not a red flag?) but you're the kind of guy she should marry so she is.

It seems like you two also have very different values when it comes to what's considered inappropriate and what's not. If you're the kind of guy who doesn't mind your GF flirting and dancing with other guys as long as she comes home with you then that's fine, but it certainly doesn't seem that way. Maybe it was just the way you were raised, or maybe you don't trust her after she cheated on you.

It's highly unlikely she's going to settle down all of a sudden, so if this kind of behaviour is bothering you it might want to reconsider marrying this girl.

[Lostinlove777]

The problem is that i have twin about to be 3 year old girls that call me daddy, my son (6) that loves her and 9 and 13 year old girls that i'm a father figure to. I'm in complete turmoil right now.

[TeeJay19]

The problem is that i have twin about to be 3 year old girls that call me daddy, my son (6) that loves her and 9 and 13 year old girls that i'm a father figure to. I'm in complete turmoil right now.

I know it seems selfish but don't stay with her just for the kids. They may be sad at first but they'll get over it. If you stay with her when you don't really want to be with her you'll be miserable and the relationship will probably end somewhere down the road. By then the kids will be older and even more attached to you making it even harder on them. If you don't want to be with her anymore then leave, it's the best thing for everyone.

[Lostinlove777]

I do want her. I just want us the way we were not so long ago. Now everything has changed. I'd be gone if it wasn't for her begging me to hold on and let her try to figure it out and of course the kids. Good point about the kids though.