My Addiction to Porn and My love for my Fiance

[eirek]

First off I wanted to say hi to everyone and say thanks for all of your great posts.

I am a 20 year old male living alone in texas(without my family I mean). I moved down here to be with my family and to be with my now, fiance Robin, and now the family has moved away and I'm here my Robin by myself.

Ever since I was around 13-15ish I have looked at porn. I grew up knowing that I wasn't supposed to and I am a good person, I don't believe in Smoking, Drinking, doing Drugs, or Sex before marriage. My problem is that I can't stop looking at it. I have tried multiple times to stop and every time, I go back...sometimes it takes a week or even a month or two but I always do.

I love Robin SOO much. I sold my aftermarket car parts for gas money so that i could see her, and stayed here alone so that i could be with her and marry her. I dearly want to stop this addiction to porn.

She has made comments in the past about how if I ever did porn that would kill her and I will tell her but I really want to get a good strong head for myself before I go and tell her...mostly for the reason that i dont want to start again after I tell her, that would just be bad.

Does anyone have suggestions as to what I can do? As much as I love porn, it has never affected our relationship, and I am always attracted to her and would spend 24 hours a day with her if I could. But as much as it doesn't hurt us *yet* I just don't want it in our life as it might affect us later and because of her wish that she doesn't want me doing it and of course since I *really* dont want to do it.

Thank you so much in advance for your help,

Matt

[bluesummer]

First off, I don't *love* porn myself, but it is not abnormal or wrong to have an interest in it. So what if something besides your fiancee makes you horny? Its biology. As long as you are not cheating on her, I don't understand why you feel so bad for looking at it.....it's just normal sexual behaviour. You say you don't 'want' to look at it, but honestly I think you DO, you just have this stigma attached to it that tells you it's bad and that you re a bad person for enjoying it.

My bf looks at porn, and it doesn't really bother me. I cant be there to provide him with sex 24/7, so if that's what he needs to get off, then fine. When your fiancee becomes more secure in herself and your relationship (and please don't take this as an insult to her - I'm sure she's very nice) then the porn issue won't be so big. This usually seems to be an issue with younger, less sexually experienced people/couples, from what I've seen. I can't tell you how to stop doing it, because you won't be able to unless you TRULY want to.

[eirek]

Ok, well obviously I like it. I said that I do like it, but I *want* her to be the only thing sexual in my life, including me looking at other things. Is this just being dumb as I'm a guy and we need something more?

[DarkTravesty]

I'll try and answer this one...I had a similar issue in my past relationship, the only difference is I thought it was perfectly natural to look at porn myself...as long as I kept it in check. i.e. (not looking at it ALL the time) I told her that the reason I did look at it was that I am just horny that much and I so this was my way of dealing with it, but my g/f did NOT want me looking at it at all, she would even get mad if I looked at a Playboy, it was bad, to me anyways, so I told her that I felt like we needed to at least be more physical in the relationship, even if it wasn't sex all the time. She ended up telling me that she felt pressured to have sex with me which confused the heck out of me since I had NEVER pressured her for sex, in fact when we had that discussion we hadn't had sex in about a month...sorry I kind of rambled on there...

To make a long story short, I think it's a perfectly natural thing to WANT to look at porn. I think if it hasn't affected the relationship at all I would continue with what you're doing. Maybe tell her (if she knows you look) that you would stop if she ever asked you to or if it ever affected the relationship, maybe she will express her true feelings about it, good or bad. If she says she would want you to stop, then from what you are saying I think it would be easier for you as it would be motivation for you to stop if you really LOVE her like you are saying, but I know it would be hard, as I did try and stop for my ex and it wasn't easy at all.

[eirek]

I know that if I even told robin that I was looking that would kill her and she might say to keep looking if I asked her, but I know she would hate it and surely wouldn't be happy about it.

I know people say, "Well if you love her, thats all you need. You'll be able to stop. And if you can't stop then that means you don't love her" Well, thats not true. I love her with all my heart and would do ANYTHING for her. The problem is that no matter how hard I try to not think about it, not do anything about it, it still comes back to me having my mouse over that link with a porn picture, and basically clicking it against my will. Porn is a total addiction and that was what I was asking. Is there anything you guys/gals know that helps to not do it? Besides sex, haha.

Thanks for all your help and I'll try to see if there is something I can do about it. If you have any other suggestions feel free to let me know. Thank you!

Matt

[Cybog]

Ok, well obviously I like it. I said that I do like it, but I *want* her to be the only thing sexual in my life, including me looking at other things.

This is never going to happen. Period. The only thing that IS going to happen is if you turned into a neutered male and give up everything that is being a man, and suddenly tell yourself that she is the only thing sexual to you. It will be lies, but you will still be telling yourself that.

Damn, I see guys doing this shit all the time in their lives. Give up porn. Give up video games. Give up sports. Give up being with the guys. Will you chumps out there ever learn? Women like this only want to control you! Why are you reducing yourself to something you are not only for the sake of pussy?!

Believe me when I say there are plenty of "Good" girls out there who will let you be whoever you want to be, without treating you like a godamn 9 year old child all the time.

Be a friggin man and tell her that this is who you are. This is what you like to do. It doesn't affect your relationship, so why should she be so bothered by it? Answer me that.

Here, I’ll save you the trouble - She is insecure and jealous, that's why.

I know people say, "Well if you love her, that’s all you need. You'll be able to stop. And if you can't stop then that means you don't love her"

This is what self-righteous pios a$sholes will tell you. Anyone else over the age of 25 (I would bet 50 bucks neither of you are) who has matured and know something about relationships will tell you otherwise.

I don't know if you guys are married yet. But hopefully she understands a shitload more about who you are and what you enjoy in life before she starts demanding what you do or don't do this early on in life.

You are a ****ing 20 year old guy. Looking at porn, tits, ass...whatever else it is you want to look is the way life is. She is going to have to deal with it.

[misombra]

girls that get upset because guys watch porn are a total enigma to me. i just don't get it. my friend has a hard time because sometimes she'll bust her husband looking at internet porn and she used to call me and ***** all about it. but all i could tell her was to get over it, and that he's going to do it anyway. she no longer calls me about it, cause i don't tell her, "oh he shouldn't be doing that he wouldn't do it if he loved you blah blah blah." that's rediculous. the girl acts like he's cheating on her! some people like porn. I like porn. if my boyfriend wants to watch it then great, i don't care! the whole idea that one person and one person only can satisfy you for the rest of your life is a total crock. i'd rather my boyfriend watch a porno then go out and find some other woman to satisfy him.

...and, what you have is not an addiction to porn. an addiction is a person who cannot be stimulated any other way. i have another friend who was married and her husband would not have sex with her. they tried everything, testosterone shots, therapy, everything. well when she finally divorced him he finally admitted to her that he was addicted to porn.