I think I may be falling out of love with my fiance...

[ecogirl]

My fiance and I have been together for 2 years and have living together for 1 1/2 years. I have always felt completely in love with him, until pretty recently.

He just graduated from college recently in December with a huge amount of student loan debt ($100,000+) which he hasn't done much about trying to pay off yet because he is trying to go to grad school in the fall. I constantly hear from my parents and my friends that this is a bad situation to get myself into which I never really payed any attention to until this year.

When he asked me to marry him, I was ecstatic. We decided to wait to start the planning until I am done with my undergraduate degree which will be May 2010. Anyway, recently I have been really freaking out about the future. Constantly obsessing if he is ever going to be able to pay off his loans, if we are ever going to be able to own a house or have kids..? I really don't know how that is going to work. I am going to graduate with very little debt and just recently I have been starting to feel like I am setting myself up for failure.

I have also been worrying if we are too dependent on each other and our intimacy has been lacking for about 6 months. Sometimes I really do feel like I love him but then other times I feel like we are just friends who sleep together in the same bed. It's just that he is such a sweet guy and I really do love him, I'm just not positive that I am IN love with him. We don't fight too often but when we do they are out of control.

Well the biggest problem is that it is about time to sign the lease for our apartment next year and I am freaking about whether I should sign it or if we should really be together. The problem with that is I can't afford to live by myself and all my friends have already signed leases. We came pretty close to breaking up last Sunday after getting into a huge fight but it hurt too badly so I came back. I hate to bring it up again right now because he has been hearing some really awful news lately. I am also nervous about signing the lease (which starts in August) because I will living two hours away from him all summer because I am doing an internship.

I just feel like I am in a mess that I can't get out of right now....

[Junket]

You need to talk to him about this ASAP.

Maybe sign a prenup, or get a legally binding contract signed that states you are not responsible for his debt.

If I develop debt, I pay for it. If someone else develops debt, I would never expect someone else to pay for it.

You have every right to be concerned. But don't panic, you need to talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel uncomfortable, and refrain from putting him on the defensive. Finances are one couples biggest issues, better start resolving them before you get married.

[Pectabyte]

Kinda sounds like you have made up your mind already.

[vashti]

I don't know how you will solve this problem, but I can tell you for sure that I would NEVER marry someone with so much debt. At the very least, I would tell him I was going to postpone until he paid it off.

I hope he got his degree in something that he can actually make a living at.

[Er' Gordito]

In my opinion, money problems are bad. However, what I feel is a bit disturbing is that you feel falling out of love. That is the main indicator that this relationship needs to be re-evaluated. It will worsen overtime, and before you marry him and have kids, I think you should get in touch with your feelings first.