Can anyone work out what's going on in her head?

[confusedboy1992]

Hi girls!

lets get straight to it, i met a girl nearly 2 months ago, and instantly we were both attracted to each other, and after our first date and seeing each other a couple more times, we became official boyfriend and girlfriend. Everything was going really well and I could see I was making her happy. I went to visit some friends for a few days (something planned before we met) but she hardly attempted to speak to me while i was away. She told me that she missed me, but never answered her phone. since i came back she hasn't spoken to me apart from saying she's too busy to see me. I saw her mum at work and she told me that her daughter needs support because she's so busy, and i shouldnt give up chasing her as my gf thinks i am a lovely boy. The girl then said she isnt ready for a relationship because she needs has so much going on and its not fair on me (she needs to concentrate on her studies and she's doing a lot of shifts at the restaurant she works at). But then she told me not to go round her house unless she asks to see me, and she said she doesn't feel anything anymore.She then came to the bank I work at, but left before I had a chance to speak to her. Her sister then told me on facebook that she'd forgotten somethin and burst into tears when she got into the car! So this makes me think she does still have feelings?

She has told me before that she doesn't trust men and doesn't want to get attached (guys have cheated on her before, and her dad died when she was young so he was never really there for her). So is she just pushing me away because she doesnt want to get so close that I might hurt her? The way she was around me makes me think that she really likes me and that she isn't telling the truth about having no feelings, they dont just disappear? She isn't talking to me now, and I just want her back because we were brilliant together. Is there anything I can do other than not talk to her and give her time to think? Even her step dad said he was happy to see me making her so happy.

Just need some advice cos its getting me down not being able to see her.

[Sonrisa]

It seems that she is mentally unstable and it would be best for you to stay away. Really.

[CAM]

Having been through similar situations...be thankful that she decided to call it quits. Really. Go donate money to a church because Someone is watching out for you. I actually did donate to my parish the day after the ex-gf said that she needed "a break" because she has personal problems. It only took 24 hours for me to realize that I should be very thankful that it was over.

[smackie9]

She obviously ins't mentally ready to be in a committed relationship because of her own insecurities. You going away may have something to do with it, but don't feel like you did something wrong. If she gets bent out of shape over you doing your own thing then it was best that things did not work out.

[CAM]

[url]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hn0ZJHVH17I[/url]

[IndiReloaded]

The girl then said she isnt ready for a relationship because she needs has so much going on and its not fair on me (she needs to concentrate on her studies and she's doing a lot of shifts at the restaurant she works at).

I don't know why the negativity about this girl. Frankly, she's done you a favour telling you she's busy and not ready for a relationship. Doesn't make her unstable. I don't read that from your post, just that she's very busy and possibly a bit overwhelmed. Which makes her confession to you all the more considerate. Unless you think she doesn't mean it, in which case she's messing w/your head. But doesn't sound like it to me, esp. based on her mother's comment.

But then she told me not to go round her house unless she asks to see me, and she said she doesn't feel anything anymore.She then came to the bank I work at, but left before I had a chance to speak to her.

This part is sounding mean. I wonder, tho, did you pressure her a bit, perhaps? Especially the part 'unless she asks to see you'. You aren't a lap dog, to come at her beckon and call.

[confusedboy1992]

You going away may have something to do with it, but don't feel like you did something wrong. If she gets bent out of shape over you doing your own thing then it was best that things did not work out.

Could it be because she's had bad experiences before with guys? So me going away meant that she would think the worst, and is now just pushing me away to make sure she doesn't get hurt, is that it? And she doesn't mind me doing my own thing, I play football 4 times a week, and she works most evenings, so when we did get to see each other it meant more.

She had invited me to go to Italy next year to meet her family, and we were gunna go on holiday together as well. She wouldnt have wanted to do these things with me if she didn't have feelings, would she? She told me a really personal secret and told me a secret about her sister, so she obviously trusts me. Her sister has told me that she thinks her gay best friend from work is a bad influence on her, could that be another reason? Just struggling to grasp how we had a healthy relationship, we weren't smothering each other, we weren't neglecting friends to see each other, we had fun together, we made each other happy, I was helpin with her studies if she got stuck (i learnt the same stuff at school), and there's a big physical attraction from both sides. How can it go from that to her not even talking to me?

[smackie9]

The only way you can find out is to ask her. A bunch of strangers on the internet can only theorize,....we don't have a crystal ball to help us.

[confusedboy1992]

The only way you can find out is to ask her.

I wish I could, but she told me last week to stop contacting her, and she went on holiday with her sister for 2 weeks yesterday. Her sister said she'll try talk to her while they're in Spain, and her mum and her aunty both told me I'm a lovely boy and they could see I made her happy. So they will try talk to her as well when they get back. Hopefully being away from work and her studies for 2 weeks will give her time to think about me and us. So all I can do is wait and hope for the best. I know it seems like a lost cause because of all she's said, but I'm not going to give up on her, because the connection we have and the things we have in common and the smile I put on her face are too good to just throw away. I will fight to get her back. I've got a plan, and even though it involves a lot of waiting around, I think I have a good chance. Some people do horrible things to their partners and they still get back together, I am a nice person and I haven't done anything to hurt her, so surely that's a good sign?

Woke up feeling slightly more positive about it today

[Boisdevie]

Woke up feeling slightly more positive about it today

Change the word 'positive' for the word 'deluded' and you'd be making more sense. She tells you not to contact her and then pisses off for two weeks. I know guys are meant to not notice subtle stuff but that was hardly subtle of her was it? Stop trying to be the knight in shining armour and let the loony do what she likes WITHOUT YOU

[smackie9]

Who knows, maybe she isn't that into you and with you going away was her opportunity to end it easily without confrontation. Just because everything looks great on the outside doesn't mean everything is hunky dory on the inside. People talk about stuff at the beginning of a relationship, like making future plans, getting married etc....those things are not to be taken as promises, it's just talk, that's it, so stop reading into that as a last ditch hope.

Bull sh it excuses are: I'm too busy, my last BF cheated on me, my last BF was a jerk, not ready for a relationship, had bad experiences in the past, have a lot of studying to do, trouble in my family, too busy with work, it's not you it's me, need time to think, blah blah blah. All typical non confrontational excuses that girls use to get out of a date or relationship, and I see she has used some of them. A girl that is really into you would never use any of these excuses. A girl will go out of her way to be with you no matter what....she has np finding time to go away with her sister for two weeks, but had no time for you.....do you see it now?

She told you no contact, that pretty much says get out and stay out of my life. I have a sneaking suspicion it's another dude, maybe from work, maybe from the internet, or quite possibly where she is vacationing. A girl will ditch you to clear her plate so she can pursue another opportunity. You can be the sweetest BF in the world and treat them right....but if someone that is more of interest to them comes along, they are going to go for it and leave you behind.

Most of the time, when there is nothing wrong with a relationship, everything is looking good, if they do a 180 and they change all of a sudden, 99.9% of the time it means there is someone else they wish to pursue.