Boyfriend too busy!!

[hope555]

Hi everyone!
I've been dating my boyfriend for 7 months now. We were really close friends for about 2 years before he asked me out. He wasn't typically someone I would go out with..because we both work together, and he is 3 yrs younger than me (i'm 26 and he's 23). But I forgot about those things because we were such good friends and I always admired his character, and our maturity level appeared to be the same. So, I said yes when he asked me out.

Recently he has started a new project, and has gotten really busy. He easily works 10am-9pm most days, even on the weekends. This project will continue for the next 3 months. I feel really pushed aside and disconnected in the last few weeks since this project started. I feel like no matter how busy I am, I always have time to think about him, and text him. But he's terrible at multitasking, and likes to be left alone when he's working. So when he is busy, he is quite absent.

For example: I was on vacation for a week and just got back today (thurs)...so all I want to do is see him. He said he wants to catch up, but doesnt have time till next tue or wed..even though we live like a 3 min drive from each other (I dont have a car, but he does). He has to go to see his family this weekend, so the weekend doesnt work either. If it were me, I would compromise, and see my significant other fri night, and drive home early sat morning to see my family. I dont notice any such compromise. He says he comprises a lot..like he doesnt see a lot of his friends anymore. I feel bad telling him how I would compromise in these situations, because I never want to take him away from his family or friends. He is the very responsible type, so as soon as there are family engagements, he heads home to help out.

There has been other examples like this where I have felt very marginalized. I feel like he doesnt try hard enough to see me. When we talk about it, he says he really likes me a lot, but he has to make a career, and it upsets him that I am asking for so much time, when I know how much work he has. He says I am not being supportive of his career and his hardwork. I feel bad, because I always thought I am a supportive, understanding, reasonable gf.

The thing is, when we are together, he takes really good care of me. I do really like him a lot, which is why I am finding it hard to end it. But I dont really like things the way they are.

Would you guys stick it out, or move on? Am I being unreasonable asking for some compromise at 7 months of dating? Any advice would really help me. Thank you

[bulrush]

I know you are hurting because you want to see more of him, but a career is important to him. If he lives only 3 minutes away, why can't you ride a bike to see him? Don't surprise him, he may be too tired to do anything but lay down, but plan it out with him. He says he likes you, so go on that. Try to give him space to do his project. Maybe meet at his house once or twice a week? Maybe make dinner for him when he gets home? Give him a massage?

Otherwise you will just have to take the back seat for 3 months until this project is done. That's how life is. Sometimes big projects come up and the relationship takes a back seat for a bit.

[hope555]

Thanks bulrush!!! Thats all I needed to hear. I totally dont mind going over to his place, but I feel like I am intruding on his down time. Also, I wouldnt be walking over till really late, so he feels obligated to drive me back home. So I'm not very good with surprises or drop ins. I will just chill out and relax for the next few months while he does his thing. Thanks!!

[Mathias]

Thanks bulrush!!! Thats all I needed to hear. I totally dont mind going over to his place, but I feel like I am intruding on his down time. Also, I wouldnt be walking over till really late, so he feels obligated to drive me back home. So I'm not very good with surprises or drop ins. I will just chill out and relax for the next few months while he does his thing. Thanks!!

Good for you.

As someone with that kind of career, I can respect that. Do make sure you're prioritized in his life, though. He should still have friends, he should still have his family - but make sure you're a part of that.

You're not going to see him every day, but the temptation from the other side of it is to push you aside. Don't let that happen.