I'm jealous of my ex?

[kindofalone]

My fiance and I broke up a couple of weeks ago after about five years. It was as mutual as a breakup could be. I wasn't happy and pretty much pushed her away. We had too much in the past that we could never get over. We both didn't trust each other. I know it was the best thing in the long run, but I am constantly thinking about her now. Everyone has told me this will get better with time.
I really want to talk to her, but I only think that will make things worse. I just wonder about what she is doing? who she is doing? does she hurt as much as me? In the one conversation we had after the actual breakup, she seemed very distant and didn't care. It kind of lead me to believe that she was seeing someone else. It shouldn't bother me, but it does. I'm constantly thinking of who she is now seeing. I think that I may just be missing her physically and it sucks to know that someone else is enjoying the physical qualities of her that I miss.
Anyone else go through this? Will some of this go away if I start seeing someone?

[DarkTravesty]

Anyone else go through this? Will some of this go away if I start seeing someone?

I just broke up with my girlfriend of about 2 years only a few days ago and know exactly what you're talking about, but I had been through this before with the relationship before her. I do miss the physical contact with her and it kills me to think someone else might be enjoying it, but from my personal experience things will get better with time. Especially if you start seeing someone else.

[C1d6OC]

I now see why you are asking those questions...listen, in a situation like this, it is really tough, because you were about to say your vows and things didn't work. Just be thankful you didn't take the next step or things might even be worse. Listen, I'm not going to sit here and tell you what to do, but I think as EVERYONE has obviously mentioned, with time things do get better.

My suggestion is that you may be on a rebound right now and that's why you miss the physical aspects. That's absolutely normal and you shouldn't beat yourself up for it either. But listen, seeing someone else is not wrong, but don't force it to be a long term, when you're clearly not over your ex get my drift? You have to keep telling yourself you're not going to let those thoughts of her with someone (that you have no idea about) let that bother you. As much as I was tempted to find out how my ex was doing, I kept saying that I was doing fine. Eventually it started to work.

I think that if you are going to contact her, it means that you want to 'work things out' and not to see how or who she's doing. If you are calling just to figure that out, then you're right, things might get worse. Having second thoughts is always normal and I'm sure that she has second thoughts too. You guys loved each other enough to have become engaged. Contact her when you're ready and out of the rebound, because if you give her the idea you want to work things out and she's willing, you will regret later that you only went back for physical reasons. Keep us posted on your decision.

Cdoc

[bluesummer]

I have to tell you, your current situation literally mirrors the one I was in 3 years ago with my ex......its actually kinda scary. But anyway....It's tough even when the breakup is mutual. I hurt a lot, I was constantly wondering what/who he was doing, and i made myself ****in miserable over it for about 4 months. We did the no-contact thing for awhile, and when we did talk or I got any news about him I'd be jealous or upset. I had a mental breakdown when I found out he was seeing someone else...it was insane.

But, really, it does heal with time. You're never going to forget someone you spent five years with, but you do get past it. You learn from your past relationship, and you apply those lessons to finding someone who will give you the happiness your ex couldn't.

[kindofalone]

thanks for everyones help. now she is trying to contact me. so far, I have not returned any calls/letters. i think it is for the best, but damn is it hard!!