Should I ever date in college?

[jrw93]

I need some advice. I'm 18, never kissed/dated a girl nor obviously had a girlfriend. I just finished my first year at a top 30 university (full ride scholarship) with a 4.0 GPA. Starting my internship with Merrill Lynch in a few days (impossible to get after freshman year, interview was hardcore) and will hopefully go into a bulge bracket firm for I-Banking upon graduation.

To be honest, I'm slightly sad that I never had these experiences. I've honestly had the mentality that getting a girlfriend will make me lose focus on my career path.. but it's annoying seeing all my friends go out with their partners and myself being alone.

Do you think I should take the plunge and try to find one? Or just wait until I graduate and am working. The other problem is I-Banking is normally 60-70+ hours a week.. which honestly means I won't have a social life either. Sometimes I think I'll never get a girl.

P.S. - I'm not fat either.. in a bulking stage right now to make some gains but should begin a cutting cycle in about 5-6 months. I'm about 5'11 165 lbs.. trying to get to 200+ one day haha.

[Boisdevie]

OK, let's forget the fact that you're obviously incredibly intelligent, have a great future and are in great shape. That was irony by the way.

You need to work out why you've felt a girlfriend would make you lose focus - work/life are not always mutually exclusive. My brother worked for JP Morgan so he did long hours but still had time to have relationships. So why not you?

[jrw93]

Ahhh JP Morgan.. how is he doing? That 2 billion dollar loss can't be good for morale haha. I personally wouldn't mind ending up at GSachs or Barcap or maybe even Credit Suisse/UBS

If your brother worked for a bulge bracket firm, he will know that academics is a big player in the superday process. My Uni grades on a retarded scale with A+ being a 4.0, A- being a 3.7. A+ = 96+, A- = 93+. Obviously, this sucks because to keep my 4.0, I need to make sure I don't end up making below a 96 overall in any of my courses. This is primarily my reasoning behind worrying about getting a girlfriend, because it might detract from my ability toward graduating with a flawless GPA. Course difficulty will only get harder as I get older.

I'm also hoping to get my MBA at a top 5 uni, and GPA and GMAT matters waaaaaaay too much haha. Harvard won't even look at you unless you have a 3.9, especially since my Uni is only ranked in the top 30 and not top 10. Top 10 unis can get away with ~3.4-3.5+

I think I'll wait to have my first date/kiss when I hit VP at a firm (hopefully bbracket). I should be ~26, 27.. but I'm slightly worried that women would be appalled at my lack of experience.

[surfhb]

Well....I mean....just about everyone who gets into the Harvard MBA program has kissed and slept with women so I think you realize somethings amiss and you need to work on balance in your life. If youre so committed then why would a women get in the way? Easy for me to say since I under achieved my way through college but something to think about.

[jrw93]

I guess it's because I've seen situations where people's grades have collapsed due to getting a girlfriend. I'm scared that it might happen to me. My parents have also raised me to not date until I'm at LEAST 30.. because by then I will have a VERY stable and high-income job. I've already survived 18 years.. whats another 12? Haha. Just out of curiously, are there any girls here that can give input on dating someone who has had NO experience before? Would it be a huge turn-off if a guy who made high 6-figure to 7 figure salary at ~26-27 never kissed a girl before? I don't want to **** up a relationship because I'm a newbie haha.

[bluesummer]

Yeah, you'll have a very high income and a stable job and no experience with women. Which means they'll likely date you, realize you are a workaholic who knows nothing except work and then walk away. You'll end up with some gorgeous gold digger who doesn't give a crap about you, has an IQ of about 100, and will be screwing an 'available' guy who makes less money behind your back.

Work and money aren't everything buddy. I'm not saying go and date right away (especially if you feel it might interefere with your studies), but don't make yourself unavailable for the next 8-9 YEARS.

You are young and probably just have $$$ on the brain because you think that's what'll make you happy. Maybe if you're really that shallow it will. However, if you value the experience of life on the whole, you are putting yourself in a position to be worn out and miserable in 10 years. Stop and reflect. Oh yeah, and don't be afraid to spend some time with the female gender, even just casually. Just don't get married before you're 30, that will be the end.

[bluesummer]

Oh and yes, if I met a guy who made a high income and had never kissed a girl in his late twenties, I'd run like hell. I don't want a man who's so married to his job/money.

My husband makes a six figure salary and he's been actively dating since he was 17. Somehow he made it work.

[surfhb]

I guess it's because I've seen situations where people's grades have collapsed due to getting a girlfriend. I'm scared that it might happen to me.

They were non-hackers then. Most everyone who gets into Harvard MBA program isnt a virgin so I dont see the logic here. They go to class, study and get good grades just like you. They go out on weekends and get laid or go to the museum with their girlfriends and boyfriends. The question is: Why aren't you out there like those people? Your priorities are off my friend and its time to get them in shape!!

Hows the saying? "The love you take is equal to the love you make"

My parents have also raised me to not date until I'm at LEAST 30....because by then I will have a VERY stable and high-income job

Im so sorry....that's so sad. No offense but your parents advice is wack. When you strip away the layers of life like an onion all we have is Love. Its the only emotion which sets up apart and it drives the human soul.

I mean I hate to sound like your father but since Im twice your age i can assure you $ doesnt mean shit in this world without a healthy love life

Just to add too......even with my under achievements in a shitty state college I was able to make 6 figures so you my want to rethink the cost/rewards of a Ivy League education. Haha! Half joking! Good job! You worked hard and deserve to be there.

[jrw93]

Yeah.. I guess right now I'll just stick with being single at least for the next 3 years until graduation. Gotta get that perfect GPA and focus on my clubs/organizations.. I'll play the dating game once I graduated. I wish I would be happy with only 6 figures haha I want to earn at LEAST more than my dad does.

Thanks everybody for your advice.

And yeah surfhb.. one of the reasons I'm not in one of the Ivy league schools is because of financial issues. At the time, my grandmother needed a transplant which was like 250k. Saved my parents alot of money by taking the full ride to a state school which happened to be ranked top 30 overall and top 15 for Finance . So we agreed that I would go to a ivy-league school for my MBA .

[surfhb]

Yeah.. I guess right now I'll just stick with being single at least for the next 3 years until graduation. Gotta get that perfect GPA and focus on my clubs/organizations.. I'll play the dating game once I graduated. I wish I would be happy with only 6 figures haha I want to earn at LEAST more than my dad does.

Thanks everybody for your advice.

And yeah surfhb.. one of the reasons I'm not in one of the Ivy league schools is because of financial issues. At the time, my grandmother needed a transplant which was like 250k. Saved my parents alot of money by taking the full ride to a state school which happened to be ranked top 30 overall and top 15 for Finance . So we agreed that I would go to a ivy-league school for my MBA .

I not saying get married or even get a girlfriend but you need to date. go out, meet women and have a good time....thats all

[hope555]

I personally would not mind dating an inexperienced guy, because personally, I was a virgin till I was 24, and my bf didn't seem to care. It doesn't take that much time to learn things in bed, and you can always work on it together IMO. However, I would be worried that I am getting into a relationship with a guy that does not know how to balance, and will probably give me very little relationship time because of his job. I think you are thinking too ahead of the game. Relationships aren't all or nothing. It's not that you either spend all your time with your work, or if you date, you spend all your time with the girl. There are definitely happy midlle grounds. You should def try dating, but casually, taking it slow and seeing what its like. It doesnt have to be serious, but it couldnt hurt.

[jrw93]

Thanks for your responses guys, really helps out.

[jrw93]

hope555 - I honestly don't really care about virginity haha. Probably won't have sex ever... honestly don't see what is so great about it. I've outgrown the time period when I was horny as hell and wanted to bang everything that moved.

[dem862]

I
To be honest, I'm slightly sad that I never had these experiences. I've honestly had the mentality that getting a girlfriend will make me lose focus on my career path.. but it's annoying seeing all my friends go out with their partners and myself being alone.

This is the only concerning part of your post. You need to resolve why you feel sad about this and why it is annoying to see your friends with their partners. Are you lonely? Are you being an over-achiever to compensate for lack of social skills? Girlfriends are not something you achieve like good grades, or a good position with a firm. Many very successful people are lonely, and many losers have great relationships. If it doesn't bother you, don't worry about being alone. My ex-wife's uncle Phil never married and was in his 60's. He was a successful engineer and attended family functions of his relatives. He was very generous. As far as I could tell, he was not unhappy about it.

[jrw93]

Yeah I guess I do feel a bit lonely. Don't get me wrong, I attend many social functions and have many friends in different social groups, but am just curious what it's like having a girlfriend.