I really don't know what to think

[30walks]

Hi

Thanks for taking the time to open this thread.

I'm 34. Been in two long term relationships. Between those relationships I had a couple of flings but I've been single for over a year now. When it comes to women and relationships I'm not really up on the "game", I just prefer to be as honest and straightforward as a I can. I think I'm a bit naive really. Here's my problem:

Six months ago I took a new (temporary) job. I met a girl who worked there too (28). She was pretty, kind, funny, warm and maybe a bit lonely. We both worked long hours late into the evening and started talking. It got to where we'd look forward to meeting up (in the office) and just talking for a few hours every evening. There was a pretty obvious (and I think mutual) attraction thing going on - I'm not that naive! I loved talking to her and she with me. I told her I was single. She said she lived with a man (also the father of her child) but that she didn't love him anymore. She told me some stories about how horrible he'd been to her. I had made a promise to myself many years ago that I would never become involved with someone who had a partner and just thought "Well, nothing's happened. At least she's become a friend now and it's nice to talk to her so...forget about it." For this reason I kind of avoided/ resisted her attempts to swap numbers so that we could "chat later".

Then one day she came into work and said that she and her partner had split up. This seemed really sudden and as it wasn't as if we'd been talking about the problems she was having at home (we talked about everything). It didn't even seem like she was particularly upset: she just said it was just "one of those things". She'd been with him for 9 years!

Anyway, my contract came to an end and I had to move on somewhere else. On the last day she came up to me and openlly asked for my number and, later, sent a text asking if I'd like to go out with her sometime. We met the following Monday and the talking was as good as ever. But she seemed quite distracted - I put it down to first date nerves! We met again on the Wednesday and kissed. Again, she seemed kind of distracted. In the evenings she texted me but always seemed in a bit of a hurry to get to bed at quite an early hour. I just though she must be exhausted raising a child and working a job on her own.

On Friday last we met again and she said that, because her ex had nowhere else to stay, he'd had to move back with her for a couple of days to sort his things out before he could clear off for good. She said that she was just being honest with me because she'd could see us going somewhere and would I be able to deal with that? I was kind of confused but, because I've really begun to like her said "OK...thanks for your honesty. Take some time, sort things out and get back to me when you think you're ready to move on." This was last Friday. Since then she's been texting me a lot: "are you OK?" etc... Perhaps foolishly, I agreed to meet this coming Monday without the situation really being resolved.

Now if any of you have managed to stick with this probably quite tedious story...well, I suppose I have a couple of questions:

1) Am I being taken for a fool?!
2) Do you think I should have just gotten out of there on Friday and cut all ties?
3) Everything strange about our 'relationship' I can explain in my mind (logically). But it still doesn't FEEL right in my gut. What do I do? Follow the gut?

On the other hand, should I take her on her word, grow up, and accept that life is sometimes just plain messy.

I should say that having affairs and risking breaking up families involving children is totally out of the question for me! That's just somewhere I won't go.

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. I'm sorry if it's been really boring. An extra big thanks to anyone who can offer me some advice!

x

[30walks]

I'm male by the way!

[Boisdevie]

I find it strange that the ex had nowhere else to stay. I assume in your country they have things called hotels but unless you question her closely (which of course you can't) you'll never know what happened when he was there - did they have sex, for example. But as you say, life can be messy.